Abinash's Expressions

Consciousness as I perceive it

2011-12-21T14:21:00.001+06:00

As a kid I was always fascinated by almost everything I saw. I wanted many of them. After a long day when I go to bed I used to dream, dream of thoughts coming form real experiences from day mixed with the imaginations I could possibly make. It was always reality till I wake up to the reality in the morning in a confused mind. It comes over like a infinite loop of thoughts.
Consciousness is one of the most fascinating and abstruse topics out there. Am I not conscious when I am deep in sleep dreaming? Or am I not conscious when I am so focused that am not able to hear the loud music playing next to me? Consciousness has been described by philosophers and lately by scientists to be a mental state of awareness of the surrounding, the connection our brain has with the information it has at that given moment and the perception it generates from it. Correct they are, may be. Religion has a different take, they relate it to the hidden power every human has in their body, when a human body becomes aware of this power and the power hence rises to the highest position a man becomes conscious universally, and he is the one called the conscious man.
Consciousness as neurologists describe it is a process of action and transmission mechanism by the billions of neuron in the brain achieved through synapses. I agree. But the neurons in our brain are connected with 6 senses and generates a set of information from it. Taking the brain from one state to another every fraction of second. The eyes, ears, touch, smell, taste and sense of feeling (cold, heat, fear, instinct etc). These senses gives data to the brain and brain generates information from it for us to have a unique perception varying by the state of brain we are in while we do the processing. The perception not necessarily be in the realm of reality it can actually be an illusion. Let us say I am confined in a room and the room walls are transparent enough that I might not be ever able to perceive the wall until I crash into it. But given that the room is sufficiently large, I would rather not crash into it. Nor I will even try to cause I am unaware of it in my present consciousness. The world might be a same case. We are bound by the play of Maaya. Never aware that we are confined in it. Never trying to cross pass it and enlarge our awareness into the reality beyond the walls. There is a connection between every element in the universe. They all came to being from nothingness. And are made up from the very same fundamental particles. Every object in the universe is a metamorphosis of the very fabric of the space time in the universe. So how can there is not a connection? This when we take a billion light years top view will be nothing but a network similar to what we have in our brains! A network of all the objects in the universe but each hidden from other with in a realm of virtuality as explained in the confined room example above. Only the objects beyond their respective walls are connected in this supreme and infinite network of information and aware of every thing in the universe. The present state, the past it was in and the future it might ever be in. The play of Maaya is then broken and these objects become conscious. the closest we can ever be to beat this play of Maaya is in a human.
Physics has laid down laws saying information is never lost in the universe. The other laws of physics as it says neither the energy is ever lost, its just transformed from one state to other. But once this conversation complete where is the information of the past state? Where is the information what happened during the transformation? This is not lost cause the whole system is connected like neural network and its stored in the universal consciousness. We can always be aware of such a thing and retract mathematically to see the possibility of the earlier state. The surety can only come when we are connected to the infinite universal consciousness. Once connected we would never need history to be written ever! One day when we live long enough we might have mathematical proof for the presence of this boundary, the Maaya. and may be that day we will take our stride to live beyond the wall. But for me we all are but living in an illusion in a realm too small, in a confined cell.

P.S. A more technically detailed article(analogy with fractals, evolution of the universe and the significance of black holes with information theory and how it effects the entropy of the universe) I have written but for readers convenient have not posted that. Interested reads can leave a comment and I would share it with them.

Truly
Abinash

How Chetan Bhagat got from "kicked on ass" to "kick-ass": A take on Indianness

2011-10-05T19:38:00.001+06:00

India is a vast nation, indeed like the universe. Negligible substance and substantial emptiness! Just so friendly that any sound made will be echoed. And we the Indian? Aah.. we have vitiated ourselves to such a stance that if a sound is made potentially it is presented as noise then considered chaos and it plays havoc! Our heroes are different than the rest of the world. We believes in miracles, we trust in word more than actions (unless it is on silver screen), we are the only channel where sound travels faster than light! Really trust me. Lets do a case study of it by taking the Chetan bhag example. You all know him, don't you?
Chetan bhagat writes a "crap" book called five point someone (come one count how many times he has used 'crap' in it then call me wrong) and it rides on the middle class dream of IITs and IIMs to hit the best seller stand. Now we the middle class are actually literally middle class. Like middle finger, middle body part, middle of the road (the divider), middle of no where and middle of a gay island, we the middle class are here just to symbolize "fucked up" things. So how could we ever miss out on some thing like one night at call center and three mistakes of my life which are so fucked up already! We made them an instant hit. So now this guy Mr. Bhagat was considered the best writer ever in his own right or rather rite. He being a investment banker earlier how could he miss on such an opportunity to ride the tide. He made controversies when ever possible and where ever possible. Whats most frustrating is the recent fiasco on NRN's comment. He is a man who gave Indian software industry a new definition, he made a comment on IITs, a personal opinion. The guy equipped with the sensing capabilities of a dog, pokes his nose and makes an outrageous comment. Then comes the indian media. They have the capabilities of a diarrhea-ed buffalo herd to make the whole place shitty. And they did exactly that! Look at the home page of CNN-IBN

NRN essentially made a sound, a personal sound. Mr. Bhagat made it a loud noise and the media now makes it a chaos! So indigenous an art we have! Bhagat's argument is NRN should understand it might hurt people even if you speak the truth! Now what the heck that means on earth? And where is that "sense-of-restraint-for-not-hurting" when he calls a 1.5 Lakh populous company a 'body shop'. May be body shop means the same as consulting outsourcing but had they been really same we would not call pussy as vagina. I don't want to take a communication course for Mr. writer. NRN said what he felt and he told in a polite and formal manner. Even myself before making a statement like Mr. Bhagat would think twice what my parents taught me "bolne se pehle kuch nahin to umra ka lihaaz kiya karo". But my real frustration is not with Mr. Bhagat actually. Its with the media. Yaar kya hogaya tumko? I mean, how can that be a headline for a day "Bhagat not sorry for calling infy a bodyshop". Now who cares if he is sorry or not. Who cares really? He being sorry wont make Infy a 100 billion dollar company neither that will make India shining in reality, but yes it can certainly make his next to be published "crap" an instant hit. He got what he wanted. The media got what it wanted. Murthy takes home frustration and we take home a more foolish us!

On seriousness, laziness and happiness

2011-06-16T18:59:00.000+06:00

Disclaimer: This is like a preachy note from second paragraph, don't read if you hate them :D

I have always been lame. More because I am too lazy to try and understand things. I am happy in my own den. Lately I do not tend to pick discussion/argument and I choose to ignore anything that is not humorous or vulgar. I have lost that conspicuous desire to be taken notice of and the oozing dream of being looked at by every other girl. They seem boring now. I enjoy just sitting with a void mind, my back resting on the couch, head thrown back. Not even willing to fantasize I rather choose to listen to people and laugh about it on my own. I was told I must be serious, its serious discussion, I just can't laugh like that.
My mind rushed back in time till my childhood, its not new that I am being asked to be attentive for a "serious" discussion. It has always been the case with me. After puting a lot of load on my grey matter I could finally understand what is classified as a serious issue. Let's bullet them down:

Anything that can result in loss or profit of money
Anything that can result in win or loss of "image" you carry
Anything that can result in increase or decrease in age
Anything that goes against the self interest

All of these point revolve around one central point and that is "defending your self interest". Nobody is exactly the person every one else thinks him to be. Including his parents/spouse. But he spends his life defending that perception which varies from each person to the other, quite an engaging job isn't it? Engaging enough to comsume a lifetime! After a particular age, does it matter if you live 10 years more or 10 years less? To me it does not. self interest changes with time, age, context, mood and accessibility so a lot of variable factors attached. Can not spend time brooding over somthing so unstable. Aspirations, ambitions, award, reward all fall under it. Brain is an amzing machine you remember those moments from past when you were not "so serious" about it. Cause those moments made you ecstatic.
In reality there ain't anything called as a serious thing, everythying is as nonsensical as any other. Life is like a F1 race, all you have to do is take a seat, fast the seat belt and enjoy the ride! If you concentrate too much on the drift, gear, clutch, tuning and winning you lose all the beauty and fun. Cause it does not matter if you end top or bottom or not even complete the journey. Wht matters and true is 'it ends anyway' with or with out you.

Truly
Abinash

The black holes and Life: Are we real?

2011-04-29T01:25:00.002+06:00

A black hole as it has turned out to be is an object in space with say infinite gravitational force and exhibits singularity at its center. Singularity is a mystery in the current scientific realm. All we know about it is, its a phenomena where all known law of physics, space and time break down. Matter vanishes, and time ends. Now from Einstein's general theory of relativity it comes as a fact that universe is a fabric of space and time. Upon this fabric gravity has a wrapping effect. That means two gravitational monster can connect to each other through their centers and make travel possible between two point in the universe which apparently would have been impossible otherwise. So if we think we can develop such technology and science some time far in future to sustain through the event horizon of a black hole and travel almost at the speed of flight, then we might as well make it possible to travel the universe end to end in a single life time. This may require twisting the space time fabric over the dimensions oblivious to our observation. But with time man either can become aware of further dimensions after the evolution of human brain naturally over a long enough time or man can device ways to do it with scientific technology. Either way it will certainly become possible.
And obviously time will be squeezed. Like time is nothing but a sense of changing states. When we had no jet planes we took the slow roadways to reach from a source to destination and that might require say a day long journey. Our presentation over space and time graph took a longer value in time for the same displacement in space. Now it might just take an hour for the same displacement. We can think of it as being time has been prolonged for us as we now can observe more states in space in the a given span of time. So if we continue to make this transition faster and faster enough we can actually live as much life we do now in just one day. It essentially becomes equivalent to as if a day for a man in that future time will be like a life time for us (Here I have assumed life to be a set of experiences of transitions from one state to another). A man in future can actually theoretically squeeze space over a smaller span of time and if the trend continues its actually possible that some day in future man can travel seamlessly between ant part of the space over a very infinitesimally small time. Almost like a man appearing at many places at the same instance.

   All these are possible when man can master the science of delving into the center of a Blackhole , cross the singularity and resurrect himself again. As we learn the most fundamental foundation of physics is: information is always preserved. Matter loses it's form as time may pass but the information is always preserved in the building blocks of the matter. A black hole is nothing but a collection of infinite energy and matter, infinite amount of information. A man who can cross the singularity can actually recreate anything, just anything by using that information stored in the black hole. Hence a man in future can actually recreate a world that we call our present.
   Now coming to the main point I wanted to make here. All these scientific explanations written above are a deliberation to prove what we chose to call as God and miracles. It leads me to think of two possibilities.
1. Else where in the universe life was created much before than on earth: (below points are two possibilities form this main assumption)
   1.1 Else where in the universe life was created much before than on earth, millions or thousands of years prior to the creation of life on earth. at such a time that at present the man in that world are evolved enough to adhere to the powers and properties described above. And in reality life was never created on earth actually. Earth would become just a recreation of the information of the past of that world. Like a prototype earth exists, in their illusion and our reality. In reality we are non existent in the current universe. We are just a set of reconstructed model, illusions in the current real universe.
   1.2 We are real. And we are governed by those advanced creatures who took birth and evolved much before us.We might just be living a world governed by them. And they exhibit the qualities as described above scientifically.so we consider them as "God". And some day we might as well reach that level of intelligence and govern another world as being god ourselves.
   1.3 We are robots. Programmed by them. Living in their design. One of the most extraordinary design. We are fake creatures of their will. Our thoughts, future, every choice we make is predefined and well programmed. Our fate is predetermined. We are here just to be terminated after execution like any other computer program.

2. We are the only creature in the universe:
that way some day will come where some one else will be writing a same blog and we will be the advanced creature in the point above.

For me its more like we are living some one else's dream world.

Truly
Abinash

And four years have passed....

2011-04-18T13:17:00.001+06:00

It was not funny. I landed on Bangalore not being airborne but from a second class sleeper coach of a roaring Indian railway express. Krishnaraj Puram it read. Overcast it was, looked rather gloomy. Clinging to my VIP Alfa small suitcase and an MRF emblemed brown  air bag I took a deep breath of the moist air. Anxiety was overwhelming as I could remember it now. Crowd rushing down the platform, people hurling greetings at each other, laughter, the hawker's yell all dissolved slowly into the air. My anxiety grew, suddenly I caught myself stranded amongst unknown faces, unknown land and unknown language. Restless eyes searched for the guy, promised me to see me on the platform. I was clueless where to go. My asset included an SBI atm card with 5000/- rupees in it and books, many of them. My restless eyes struck to a distant face and it brought me smile, a real satisfying smile of relief, joy. It was the guy who was to see me. Riding onto my first BMTC experience in a crowed bus he asked, "so how do you feel at the first sigtht?". It was like a convoy of bmtc buses for me, one after another staked on. I snapped "sad". Indeed it was. I hated the overcast weather, noise, crowd, big buses, heavy traffic. It was for my first experience in any metro city. We started walking towards the house from the bus stop, its near by just 2 km he would say. Crossed level crossing, fields, muddy roads and body almost gave in to the weight of the bags. Finally the 3rd floor 1bhk apartment was at sight. I smiled again. With relief.
It was soon dusk and I was led to the 'bakery'. Bun samosa he ordered. I felt its luxurious here. Bun samosa was a luxury for me. Took a look around, it whole sight was filled with young people most of them like me had come to take a bet on the future. A job in IT. It did not took me long neither to get used to the two kilometer walk down the mud till the bus stop nor hating the bun samosa I considered luxury. Time flew and luck was considerably benevolent on me. I had won the bet. Got a job before runing out of the 5000/- rupees, the only sum I had and would have.
   Four years have passed since then. And I have fallen in love with city again and again every time I tried to break off. The charm holds you in her arms and you feel engulfed in her lust. Now I seldom take that train, I get airborne. Now I seldom take the bus, I hire cabs. Now I seldom eat bun samosa, I devour sizzler, now I seldom hate the overcast weather, I love it.
   This city has given me luck, charm, love, tears, smiles, friends and above all an identity. A respect in the society and a voice of my own. She has strewed joy on me. Now when I leave her behind the four years play before my eyes. Play in slow motion for me to realize that each sight was indeed a scene and I gulp it down my soul. I smile at her and she smiles back at me. She does not complain, does not demand. She just awaits for a new lover. Love you Bangalore.

P.S. As I am leaving Bangalore for Hyderabad, I must acknowledge the love bestowed on me. Thanks to every one.

Truly
Abinash

Why I hate Shahrukh Khan

2011-02-08T10:48:00.002+06:00

Shahrukh Khan and I share a bad old relation and it goes back to the time of his movies like "Raju bangaya gentleman". It was the first movie I watched in a theater. And I slept to loose my floaters. Now so many years have passed since then and every year infallibly Shahrukh added some more reasons to make him more loathsome to me. The reasons are (not in the order of precedence, they are randomly placed )

He is the only creature who sounds like a goat, but never tastes like one.
He got into cricket, to make the neat place where a four was cheered with hooting, converted to goating... heyyyyyy...... foooouuurrrrrrr haaaaaaannn......
He dared to drop Dada!
He is a liar, even after being made legal, he did not come out in public to accept his relation with Karan Johar.
He is the protagonist in Rabne Banadi Jodi
All the people I hate Love Shahrukh Khan, so my hate for him is just Transitivity of Mathematics
His film, My name is Khan and I am a fatuu never got released.
Human rights and environmentalists should sue him, he has sucha big nose he consumes as much as 3 times more oxygen, hence making two people die being breathless some where.
The girls I like, like Shahrukh khan instead, cause they find him homogeneous.
Once I wore a t-shirt with his name printed and I was chased by dogs.
Personal Reasons. :D

Many reasons.. so many that my blogger space will be reaching its limits.

That thing called - Career

2011-02-05T22:02:00.000+06:00

As far back I can remember I can recall this word - "career". It has always been there, like a shadow. When I grew up as a kid dusting my heavily mudded half pants all I could understand from this word was the very own career (meant to carry) on bicycles, often sticking to the rear end just above the mud guard. But as soon as I started recognizing the English Alphabets at class 5, the definition changed. I would heard of it very often and mostly with a serious and heavy tone attached to it. Must be a big thing I would wonder. As a kid I was told I was bright, bright in school. I used to feel happy with that appreciation and motivated at times. For me school was just fun, nothing more, nothing less. I had no interest in those thin books (booklets?) nor in the maadams (didis) who terrorized the class with sticks. But I was told I must top the scholarship exams since class 3. It was considered prestigious. My mom would teach me and she taught me well. I topped then. I would over hear, Sibun has a good career. He will do well in career. I would feel happy, and take pride among my school mates.

I grew up a little more joined a boy's high school, The class teacher told good career should be the only motto of our life and he would spend the class boasting about how his eldest son is a senior Police inspector and youngest son is a doctor. It was boring, I hated coming to school. But then i was supposed to build good career. My intrinsic desires paved way to extrinsic decisions imposed on me. I had to top the class seventh scholarship exam, its a district level exam after all. Topping it would mean I am best in the district. I did. I was immeasurably happy. Teaches appreciated and relatives congratulated. I was in highschool. I moved to class 8th. My class teacher was a mathematics teacher he would love me and often say I do good in maths, he used to humiliate my fellow classmates citing my example how I solved it and how they could not. I felt happier. I was sadist. It harmed their "career" and it harmed mine too. I was discussed among my highschool teaches that I will have a good career. I grew up little more older. Now I was the fore speaker of this word. I was in my intermediate college. I loved Physics, but I loved cricket and my adolescent psychology more than physics. But I hated everything else, the maths to chemistry. I was told to prepare for IIT. But by then I was beginning to have my own set of likes dislikes and decisions. I played cricket and more cricket. I would feel an unusual attraction towards girls, many fantasies would come to the mind. And I did what I liked then, playing more cricket. I felt happier to hit a boundary and not to solve a problem from mathematics. I decided I will have a career in cricket. But they was but a bubble. It busted with out noise. I did not go to IIT and I joined a rather "not so good" college. I was told I don't have career now. And my career is dim lit. I was rebuked, by the same who once assured I have a bright career. But what was my fault? I just did not appreciated and enjoyed reading the Russian Author text books. So career is a variant in the reaction of life, I learnt. I was in the final year of engineering when the placements began. I was told I would be the first to get a job by my professors. They were wrong. But this time I did not smile or felt happy when they said so cause I had understood the fallacy of the word "career". Right then a new definition was entered to my own lexicon by the visiting companies. Career is 60% in all boards. And once placed, just any guy with any company with a headcount of lakhs and salary calculated in terms of "per annum", was told he is bright, has a good career. Appreciation flooded to each of such person who was placed in those interviews saying what a bright career they have. And everyone was enriched with satisfaction that he achieved he target, the "career". Job done.

I am no different. I am part of that crowd, timid, coward, craving all life long for getting a social nod for identity and Majorly mediocre. All the life long we sacrificed our fun in childhood, the desire to explore in the highschool, the sense of freedom in junior college and the power to learn in graduation to achieve this one thing? A face less few kilo over weight "another guy" in the crowd thousand. The definition of career started with district level scholarship exam, ran thru iit preparation, ended with a final definition of 60% in boards and a job letter to be lost in the masses. All career long, this thing called career has taken everything. And now its taking even more when you go to office on Monday morning and the boss snaps on your face "don't you want a good career? if you really want start being proactive and finish things over weekend". Is career ne leli yaar humari to.

On Bangalore

2010-12-27T01:24:00.000+06:00

Life revolves in this city of joy. Making rounds of the same corners, same humor, same routines and same feelings. Bangalore has always been predictable, utterly disgusting at times and nagging, yet it manages to seduce you with its charm, may be that why Bangalore is like your wife. The trees and the warm sunny mornings makes you its slave. Enchanting sights of the cosmopolitan modernized women appeal you as much as the empty roads on a early Sunday morning. With day's break the rush of back pack clad people hurl onto the roads to rig it off its innocent emptiness. The red signals stop them to feed the numerous stranded beggars rounding up in torn cloths. The rush ends behind the glass walls of the air conditioned buildings of tech parks. These buildings and the computer staring masses in it make Bengaluru, Bangalore. The charm of the city is like the neighbor's charming wife, you always look at it with lust and relentlessly try to engulf it. The bizarre nomenclature of localities to the monotonously same menu at each 'Tiffin' join spells the fusion of Bengaluru and Bangalore.
Beauty has always been its attraction, may it be its green parks or faired skinned, beautiful legged women rushing down Brigade road. Malls make landmarks of the city. They are all over it, claiming their own share of belongingness. Its a city where money flows, even in the small pani puri thela stalled at the road side. The crowd that rave the roads are pretentiously intellectual. Two wheelers with a round assed girl on the back clinging to the rider is as common a sight as jammed traffic. Variety of man make this place what it is, every form of art has a respectable place here, including crime. Bangalore is like a modern girl friend, you love being with, feel warm and cozy, but scared of getting married to. The city is just like the young dweller of it, restless.
Welcome to the city of love, spirit, engineers and malls. Welcome to Bangalore, my girl friend Bangalore.

Truly
Abinash

Of life, Of love, Of sex

2010-12-26T17:29:00.005+06:00

Life always fascinates me, it fascinated me as a joyful child and as a mournful loner. I was creative as far back as I could remember and I can sense it diminishing thoroughly as my memory retreats from that far back time to reach present. It has been kinda smooth for me, the life. I almost never worried much as to what I would do when I grow up, I never spared my thought to find out what are my natural instinct and dreams. I have always been lazy, sensitive to emotions, marginally insecure and broadly nonsensical. My natural instinct would be to reject any idea that I fear is superior to that of mine, instantly. But then I have come in terms with that behavior and have made it perish lately. I have learnt to accept things for the way they are, people for the way they are. And its a pleasing sense. Much better than the sadist egoistic satisfaction I used to get by rejecting them earlier. I feel more secure now, my thought remain more indifferent to the outer world that way. Life has brought me many surprises. Most of them are good and for good. I feel lucky. And thankful most of the times. Dubious incidents now make sense to me and I rejoice. I feel change is good and thrive for it. My inner most desire to cling to the things I love, things I want to preserve has faded away. This desire of holding makes you unhappy. As my heart is now relieved of any such desire, I find my thoughts falling into place, mostly filled with satisfaction and not obsession. Life as I have learnt is a set of memory, good or bad, but its just a set of memory. Imaginations take shape and I see my life, now more beautiful and free. Free of restricted dreams, sublime fame, sense of obvious pretense for being in a society of materialistically gone mad fellow living beings. I now feel no sad for my fame to die or name to go bad. For my face not being recognized by college juniors, smiles not being given back by beautiful colleagues. Euphoria and ecstasy drive me away not being drifted by the magnetic fatal attraction of wealth, fame and "sense of achievements". Life is to live, and living is synonymous to happiness. Happiness is a fairly uncomplicated term and never momentary. I feel lucky and I feel more happy as I feel I am mortal. I feel my life has just begun.

Love is a good thing to experience. It makes you smile when you are alone. Sitting on a deserted hillock or on your porch, you feel you belong to some one. Your heart race and blood pressure builds, eyes closed you delve into dreams. Pure euphoria. Love for me has never been a boon. I tried to make love my mistress may be and it cursed me. I was always longing to be in love. And I fell in it indeed. For that part of my life I would name it lovely. Yes, thats how you feel. Lovely. Concentration rich the peak it can ever get to. Always focused on the loved one. Smiles never stop, and joy seems just to be beginning every passing day. In the shadows of unknown crowd and strange land the sens of your hand being held by the one you love, the sense of you love being with you makes you sail. You embark unafraid of the storms that may await you. Just you. You defy the misfortune that may lust you. But love is too mortal like man. Its born as a cute innocent thing, grows to become a complex, confused and entangled not-so-good thing and die naturally or mutilated in an undesired way. But it dies with or before you. An unnaturally dead love, leaves scars that hurt and haunt for the rest of life. Still "peeda main anand jise ho, aye wo meri madhushala". Love is the only of its kind where even paint is ecstatic. You restlessly chase this pain, just to get possessed by it once. And this pursuit is worth it.

He who feels the pain of his own soul, and clings to it

and yet thrives to spend his whole life, in that one moment of pain

he is the man in true love, he is the man of true form

Love is the drink of gods disguise, this moment is your last chance, go get drunk.

Sex as a word makes ripples of current run through your spine as it does as an act. Its one of the best gifts nature has given to human. To love and to lust out of love. Every human act is closely associated with one thing, ego. Ego is the driving force of life. And sex is a man's alter ego. Its spells how you are. A philosopher knows everything in the world are fallacies. But lust of the beloved is a purest form of emotion like true prayer. Its unfiltered, unrestricted, soulfully desired and magnificently ecstatic. I have always been fascinated by it. Desiring to enact myself as the best lover the world has ever seen. Every one does. Often I get obsessed with it too. Not anymore. sex is life in compact. You start excited, you want it to never end, but only the end makes it worth it. And you forget how much you enjoy when you do it. Sex like life is a set of memory. A hundred small things make a complete act of passion. And you try to cling to each of them but you can not as a rule cause you have to rush for the end. That is the goal. And to enjoy it fully you must spend just enough amount of time doing it that your body naturally drives itself to. Otherwise soon its monotonous and you lose the whole purpose of it. Same, analogous to life. Let the mind drive itself. Don't drag it. Don't push it hard. Just remember you have to enjoy each moment of if but its enjoyable cause it has an end, a climax and that keeps you driving. In life you die and in sex you orgasm. Enjoy it, making love to your beloved is not a shameful act live living your life is never one too. The man who says so is the man who never lives. Sex is sin just in dead man's dictionary.

My beloved's embrace is the heaven for me, I find solace only there

From ruins I rise too, with the sense of my beloved's desire

my enemies, the world how would they know, I am a man in love, my soul has caught fire.

Truly

Abinash

The plan is : there is no plan.

2010-11-14T13:14:00.000+06:00

What we are taught at the B-schools and what we learn behind the big glass building sitting across the table with fluent, apt and distinguished personalities is art of planning . But do we really need it? And whats a plan after all? considerable amount of literature and philosophy has been developed on the law of nature, how luck works, how the nature has a plan for you. And in modern day we try and overlook completely that and tend to over depend on the planning ability of a human brain. But if we try and take a closer look, we find there is no single instance where a plan has succeeded 100%. And even when we claim it was planned, it was serendipity in disguise.
Planning does one thing for sure, blocks our wide vision and streamlines it in one direction. Planners call it 'focused approach'. I call it closed approach. My vision is blind to other possibilities. I don't see any other road. And the worst part is probability of better ways being there is more and I choose to blind myself. A man has 6 senses. And the 6th sense is the gut instinct driven by trust and grown by experience. Like dog we can sense danger, we can sense euphoria, we can sense when some one in interested. The same sense can come handy in picking up what the best we can choose among the ones we have in disposal. Nature drives you to realize the potential in you and you must be driven. We must give serendipity the deserving share of it existence in our life. Let not plan block its way and we grow complacent with a mediocre result.
A planned way can always be traversed, but an unplanned way can not be traversed by planning. so what if it fails? It leads to dead end? We can come back to the same junction and walk the planed path.
In my experience in the software industry as a developer in a team, I understand planning fails. We must have a certain directives like which direction to look at, and the goal must set. But the path must not be defined. The planning fails with the tendency to define even the path. All we need to do is believe and vision. Rest let the nature lead us to that, we must be ready to work for it.

Truly
Abinash

Dekhi ye duniya

2010-10-16T10:12:00.000+06:00

Bewafayee dekhi, rushwayee dekhi
dekhi ye duniya iski tamashahi dekhi

manzar dekhe, najare dekhe
dekhi hai zindagi, iski farmayish dekhi

lazawab wo hushn dekha, bemishal uske paentare
mohabbat main shikasht dekha, gamseen wo sarphire

sazi hui dewarein dekhi, aur dekhe hare bhare khet
naqab posh wo insaan dekhe, zindagi ko jakadein jaise mutthi main ret

mehfeelein dekhin, matam dekhi
dekhi ye duniya, iski sachhai dekhi.

Truly
Abinash

Love and betrayal

2010-10-15T20:59:00.002+06:00

Under a full moon, on a rose bed she surrenders her glowing body
embraces with a pure heart and submits the bare soul
holding the gaze in eyes, she vows to renounce the world and merge in his heart
clinging to the body he desired, holding to the soul he loves
he succumbs to the faith she bestowed and believes it for life
Such is the innocence of a man in love and such is the deception of the woman with him!
Only the time discerns the man's trust and the woman's betrayal!

- Abinash

Truly
Abinash

HBO Documentary film - Terror in Mumbai

2010-10-09T17:51:00.000+06:00

Terror in Mumbai - 26/11

HBO's documentary film on Mumbai terror attack.
The conversations(between the terrorists and their handlers) intercepted by Indian intelligence clear and detailed. Its very sad to see how India lacked in handling this. very sad. Nariman house could have been flushed out much before than it was and perhaps a few lives could have been saved.

Hum khandani hain.... IITian gharane se

2010-09-27T15:22:00.000+06:00

Lately today I read a small note written by an IITian. I admire them, all IITians. They have done well and worked hard to get the well deserved glory. I tried and failed to be in the same league then. But does that necessarily makes me a moron or a man who should keep looking down upon self for not having that tag on my facebook and linkedin page? Its like being "hum khandani log hain". There khandan is decided by caste and wealth inherited by birth and here the khandan is decided by the exam cleared and certificate earned. Kudos. The fact is people are not "IITians" just because they went to iit, rather IIT is "IIT" because of the people went there. Its the people, their quality, attitude, brain and courage that matters and makes a difference. Be it IIT or be it non IIT.
I pity those who went to IIT still have to cross a mile to catch up with some one who did not by choice or could not by merit earned this IIT tag. Life is long and 2 years are just too short to decide a winner. "Aap ek khandan ka hissa bane, hum khandan bana rahe hain". We are happy and respect the fact that you enjoyed, Halliday-Resnick, Irodov and krotov. Just that we did not enjoy it as much then, does not necessarily makes us pitiable.
You being proud on self is great. But greatness never makes anyone fact blind. Fact is you and we the non-IITians are on the same boat, you are jealous of us when we are more successful as much as we are of you for not having IIT tag. Had it not been that, an explanatory response would not have been required anyway!

When it comes to play big and you have a non-IITian as competitor, the world has to choose.. "aapko wo chahiye jisne engineering se pehle do shaal padhai ki for sure, ya wo chahiye jisne engineering main padhai ki 4 saal for sure?" Kuch to baat hogi tabhi wo with out belonghing to the league still stands posing a threat!

Respect all. Defend your institute culture but don't offend others. Sibal anyway is not doing right. IITs are high standard institutes and that must be maintained for it to glorify in worl level.

Truly
Abinash

Jashn saraabor hai

2010-09-25T09:58:00.002+06:00

Kuch dabi hui si khwahisein
kuch sazi hui si mehfilein
kuch rosham sa wo aasmaan
kuch muskurahatein yun khilen

kuch milgaya hai aaj wo
kuch aur hai ab ayine main
kuch jashn saraabor hai
kuch armaano ki wo silvatein

nain unmain tangg rahe
aur rooh jo madhosh ho
ek lamha aisa jahan
dard na mehsoosh ho

Kuch shakl wo roshan hua
kuch nigahein wo sarmayinsin
kuch lafz wo dheeme dheeme
bas kuch jashn wo saraabor hua

Truly
Abinash

Why can't we build a Hospital at the dispute site - Ayodhya?

2010-09-24T01:52:00.001+06:00

Lately more than needed attention is being given to the Ayodhya episode and it has created quite a fuss. But my question is what is the fuss is all about? Why all the state government is on back foot? Why we have to always turn defensive just because a land is named Ayodhya or a river called Cauvery happened to flow since last 1000 years. I dont want a riot, you don't and the third person too. Then who are we afraid of? Who are those handful who can mobilize the mass? They are none but just few part leaders who actually wait for such episodes to gain wide media coverage. Its the media which enables a flame to become a tragic fire. This blown out of size media attention makes it a target for such filthy politician to pay the goons and get riots started. The administration is well aware of them but they become silent onlookers.
We know India is not a secular country except for in constitution, we know india is not a facilitator of free speech and right of equality except for in constitution. Its time we must stop pretending and come to accept that fact. If something is attached to mass emotion or religion it will be breached by politicians for selfish gains for the next thousand of years.
Why the supreme court has to give a verdict which can dismantle the stability at all? why can;t it just say at the dispute site they will construct an "Anathashram" for all religion. why can't they build a charitable hospital at the disputed site? Why we have to build a temple or masjeed?
Ask the local public what the need the most a hospital or a shrine. The government must now change its motto. It must like nature, provide the mass what they need and not what they want. Need will let them survive, want can only spill havoc in the time to come. Cause human fantasy has no bound and there deep with in every one lurks a beast waiting to come out. Want is evil, need is not.
Its high time we need to change the perception we carry. Initiatives like the ~~"Aman ka tamasha"~~ "Aman ki asha" of Time of India can increase the sell of their circular but never achieve what they claim they want to.
Not using a weapon is not the existence or peace, feeling no need of it can. "peace is not the absence of crime, its the presence of justice" - Harrison Ford. I beg to differ. when there exist ideal peace, the term justice, injustice, war, crime fade away. Justice is not a measure of peace. The absence of the need to justify is the presence of peace. ayodhya and godhra will continue to come and live a threat to our lives as long as we as a whole feel affected by such things. At the end we are mortals, so are the lands, issues and the memories. History is a dead body, present is lively and future is blur. Lets not fight over a dead body making the present blur and future dark. Lets do the reverse way. forget the history into the dark, keep the present bright and future... let the people of the coming age decide how they want it.

Truly
Abinash

Just an idea for recommendation engines - web intelligence

2010-09-20T01:38:00.000+06:00

I was browsing through some online book stores in India and I was not really happy with the recommendations they made. The recommendations were naive, obvious and not interesting. Reason?
When I use Google, I think in terms of "context" not "Object". For example I Type 'books + different algorithms on web intelligence" this is a context that I am thinking and I might not have a certain object in mind as in a book title or a publication journal. I just have a context I am interested in and I do the search, get the result and proceed with what ever. Now coming back to these search portals of e-commerce sites, local listings, classifieds etc. They are a repository of 'objects'. And they enable search on these objects while I have a context. Now this does not really fit well, I mean I look for a context in such an repository. And then they making recommendations depending on the kind of search I frequently make, or the items I click. here whats missing is a set of few other informations.
Fact 1: I would not have searched just their portal or listing, I certainly would have searched else where (similar portals) parallely.

Fact 2: Probably I would have searched in google too and it would have returned me results for my context.
Fact 3: What else I might have in mind when I types those key words?

Lately what i have observed is Google has spoiled the way we search by providing the luxury of intelligence in it. People tend to type in direct english (or other language) sentences as if they are conversing and expect exact result.
Then how to leverage on that piece of information?
Why can't our recommendation engine browse through the recent history of my browser, collect my search results and habit on the similar context and objects? We can actually use that data and the listing by the other portals, google before making a recommendation and precisely zero in on what I need.

That way the e-commerce portal can map more correctly from the context I am searching to the object they have and are selling. And I will come back to them as I find more suitable and exact results with them.
Just a random idea.

Truly
Abinash

Local Service reviews - Now on.

2010-09-19T20:58:00.000+06:00

Lately I thought of listing a review of local services we get from the thousands of start ups. Like movies I felt they need a review too, of course they are free of cost mostly but then time is money. We spend time pondering through them. And there are plenty similar portals extending similar services but what makes a difference is the relevance of my need and usability and intelligence of the portals itself. So I will review them on these parameters as an end user.

Truly
Abinash

Lets Start-up!

2010-09-15T12:26:00.000+06:00

Ok. I have been in Bangalore for last 4 years and enjoyed and explored the city in and out. Loved it.

After a good stint as a developer, working with few good minds I got thoughtful one fine day and decided to call it quit. And now I am on the exit mode from my job and like Bollywood movie's climax scene, its too happening in slow motion. And like inception's cascaded dreams the slow motion in my job has given me ample time to get faster else where. So m on the leap to get into a start up mode. Its a very energetic word "start up". Its keeps you going, gets you thinking and makes you working. So starting up with a start up ain't any easy job but again parenting an infant has its own charm! So its time to pull the sleeves up and get muddy and wrestle with the challenges not so far. So now I have to act like (I mean I am supposed to :P) I am very careful, result oriented and perfectionist. But again I believe in the power of free will, be it work, be it life!

Now lets get up and get going!

Truly

Abinash

Dabangg Review

2010-09-12T12:03:00.001+06:00

I can see this movie back to back 5 times "darrrrrlinggg tere liye".

Rating : 4.5/5
Director : Abhinav Kashyap
Starring : Salman Khan, Sonakshi Sinha

Typical bollywood movie with all spices in it. A smashing beginning with the muscular hero beating up some gun clad goons to ashes, immediately followed by a song. An item number just in place, a variety of bad guys, emotional "maa" and a "bedardi" baap and all said a happy ending. Awesome.
The hero is actually a almost-superman jo marta hai na bullet se, na talwar se bas jeet jata hai apni prahaar se. waah waah. Well directed and the music does full justice to the script. The dance steps ensures a great time watching the songs and keeps you restless for the next one. Sallu did a awesome job. Actually every one was perfect in their respective roles. The action sequences were very nicely directed and delivered with perfect machismo. Dialogues amongst the fightings were enough to create a wave of giggles in the theater.

The script has a group of goons (dakait) just for the sake chulbul (sallu) can beat them up time to time. And each time sallu does so you will love it. With full bollywood drama ( "pandey jee aaj se main aapko sirf papa kahunga" "bhaiyaa maa ko isne tadpa tadpa ke maara") this movie is a delight for any bollywood movie buff. in one word "Awesome". Now don't waste time, go and watch it. Mann balwan, laage chattan, rahe maidan main age...... hudd hudd dabangg dabangg dabangg dabangg......

Truly
Abinash

Ek Sabera roshan fir ayaa

2010-09-05T11:54:00.000+06:00

Ek sabera roshan fir ayaa
suraj samundar main dubki leke bahar nikal aya
wo phool patte aur chanchal tittliyaan
wo baagon main khelti hui gilhariyaan

Ek sabera roshan fir ayaa
jharno ki behti dhun saath layaa
wo udte parinde nikalpade asmaan ki aur
wo dharti sajj uthi jaise jashn ka sor

Ek sabera roshan fir ayaa
sunehre kirno ke saath roshni layaa
wo school jate mashoom bachhe
wo khwahishon se bhari din ki suruwat, thode bure thode achhe.

Ek sabera roshan fir ayaa
zindako ko ek naya din dikhlaya.

Truly
Abinash

N.B. Script is in English as any readers can understand yet can not read Hindi.

A morning

2010-07-29T17:29:00.001+06:00

A morning, when it starts brings many things with it,
A day, may be sunny, times its rainy
Bright at times and overcast sometimes.
May brings a hectic overworked target
or it may just becomes a lazy passing day.
It brings good news with it and some bad too.
It brigs friends together and the parting pain as well.
A day brings birth day cakes like it brings empty plates.
Happiness may flow with it, sorrow we must bear too.
Flowers we get many, we must endure a thorn few.
It makes us weak but gives strength for tomorrow
teaches us to smile in deep sorrow.
hearts break with the storm it brings, but true love bond and cling.
A hot day then brings a chilly night, and sweet dreams with it,
it also brings a brighter ray, and we live another day.
A day it may seem, but life is what it makes and reflects
With faith in heart, lets feel blue
Together with love, lets make us from I and you.

Truly
Abinash

Inception movie review

2010-07-18T01:00:00.000+06:00

Movie: Inception
Director & Writer : Christopher Nolan(Of the dark knight fame); Music : Hans Zimmer
Starring : Leonardo Di Caprio, Marrion Cottillard, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ellen Page, Tom Hardy
Rating: 4/5

Well, how should a movie about dreams or rather cascade of dream should be like? Interesting? Yes it is. One has to be alert in mind to understand and hence appreciate it though. Its about a series of dreams, dreams inside dreams and plantation of ideas in the subconscious of others and the adventures involved in doing so. The first half is almost spent in building up the plot and explaining the idea. So the first half is little slow paces and ain't as interesting. The totem as explained in the first half summaries the movie later at the climax in a surprisingly interesting way, keeping you anticipate.subtle use of physics here and there is well presented.
But a few not so interesting and explanation lacking parts just merely added to the spiderweb. The ability of Decaprio's dead wife to intervene in some one else's dream, the inability to come back if dead when sedated etc. But they had to made it look as plausible as possible and yet to make it intrigue so I guess that will not create much trouble unless some one invests too much of thoughts into it. The parallel movement of many plots is handled very nicely and crafted very exquisitely into one smart point. Characters are not built up pretty nicely to leave a memory for post movie discussions. Dialogues could have been improved. But to summarize, its a nice movie, awesome concept and well thought plots. Worths a watch and worths a hearty appreciation.

If I were the director: I would have fast tracked the first half too. Instead of explaining the concept theoretically, a small adventurous drill could have been planted in the first half. Dialogues should have been well written in relevance of the complex concept. There ain't really any dialogue that I remember.

Truly
Abiansh

The Dhol which was never noticed

2010-07-16T12:56:00.000+06:00

Being deaf to outside world sometimes makes you feel joyful. While appreciating the amazing beats of punjabi dhol, with enhanced calrity by the sophisticated HP ear phones, I leaped into the past where I heard it first. The beats, that thousand others are appreciating like me, are actually not a new creation. They have always existed. Now they are staged, converted into video with pretty girls and made compatible to work with face book or the iPOD. This make me brood over the past where I heard it first.
We called it "Daang Chadha" back in my place. Its a form of Indian art, a gymnastic actually. with rope tied onto two bamboob pillars and perfectly balanced with all laws of mechanics satisfied, a tiny girl would walk over it, on a cycle rim, balancing herself with just a stick. With the beats of the Dhol, she would bounce at times. The same beats, I now enjoy with the luxuary of a computer and air conditioner and choose to call it "awesome". The street gymnast would make a living out of it, degree of earning depends on the generosity of the crowd. And then they move to a different locality. No one in the crowd back then appreciated this dhol though. Its the less adventurous and more riskful journey that girl fetched the fractional india currencies, now obsolete. And now when we have a "sense-of-appreciation" the art form is almost on the verge of extinction. The calibre went uncapitalized, the music went un-marketed. The street gymnasts melted away with the obsolescence of those tiny currencies which made them their living.

Now when I go home, I don't hear that dhol anymore to feel excited about and compete to be a part of the front row crowd, but I do see banners of highly paid rather mediocre artists performing. Strange country India is. And we just made ourselves a little more stranger to it.

P.S. Today India is excited about having given a symbol to the currency, but never realizing that its time to give India a symbol, thats beyond the nation emblem. The strength of India lies in the fact that its strange and every bit is different than the other. Just that we need to appreciate them, stage them, market them and give them a symbol.

Truly
Abinash

Coast to coast (Coast II Coast) - A review

2010-06-22T15:10:00.000+06:00

What makes a good meal? A tasteful treat for the taste buds right. But what makes a great eat out experience is far more than a good meal. Thats exactly where coast to coast restaurant fails miserably!

Review:

Food: Excellent
Service: Pathetic, poor, hopeless, piteous
Courteousness of staff: Rude, misbehaving, impatient and they will make you regret your decision of choosing this restaurant.
Ambiance: Good
Over all experience: Poor

This is about the Coast to coast restaurant in Koramangala, Bangalore.
They have a bigger branch at MG Road and that is surprisingly much better than this.

Detail review:
The variety of sea food and chicken is a sure delight for any seafood lover. This certainly is going to make you feel wow!
Specially the Pomfret masala, Angel Tawa fry, Silver fish rava fry with Chicken Ghee roast and appam or neer dosa.

So far so good, but once they guy come in to take orders the experience turns out to be horrible. They make you feel as if the meal they serve is free. And if you are in big number say 4-5 than that may get you a seat immediately otherwise they make you wait for 30 minutes though 3, 6 seater tables lay free.

If its the MG road branch its a two thumbs up, if its koramangala, 4 thumbs down.

Truly
Abinash

Random Idea again

2010-06-21T10:30:00.000+06:00

Ever thought why the real estate business gives exponential returns? And what is the essence of real estate business?
Its the futuristic value of the rather constant and invariable property. The property does not grow as such, it continues to stay where it is. What grows is the business, civilization and demand around it. Hence it becomes a shout after place at a high rate.

Now coming to the idea. Whats the real estate in the web world?? In web all we have is a browser to surf the infinite space of data cloud. We build website and web applications for that and like real estate we have got an address for them too! Wow. That means the address is the value identifier.

Why can't we buy domain names that may be of interest in future for the bigger players to suit their business essence or self explanatory domain names to make a particular business idea identified? We can. and we can buy them now and keep them and later can put them up for auction as and when the business of similar essence starts catching up!

All about becoming a web realtor!

Truly
Abinash

Just a Random Idea - Laptop cell phone

2010-06-13T20:44:00.000+06:00

I was watching a movie on my laptop and I had set my cell phone on charge in the other room. When I saw the phone, it had 5 missed calls! May be the movie was just too addictive but why at all this has to happen? Why can't we have a cell phone in my laptop? probably when I am not using my laptop even then? Like we can put the laptop in to sleep or hibernate, we can have a simple software to take care of it when the laptop is on and there might be a small mode called phone more where the battery will cater to the phone processor may be? And a small display to use the laptop as phone when its not on and may be a software display panel as cell phone display when its on. Why not? Well we can refine the usability and extensibility further. But to take it further as a business idea can you see some unrealizable challenges? I don't.

Truly
Abinash

Autopsy of a meeting

2010-05-26T16:41:00.000+06:00

Ah, recently I attended a meeting where concerns were (supposed to be) addressed.
But I will make a generic analysis of such meeting before moving to make it specific.

What actually the statistics like employee survey or company policies reveal?
Ok, we will take an instance of any employee satisfaction survey and how the management plans to handle the good and no so good results.
1.
An employees perspective of the survey:
Its anonymous, so if I have any frustration, complex or complain I would rather express myself generously.

Managements response:
But we do conduct personal meeting with employees and we encourage freedom of expression so ideally the employee should do that upfront as and when need be.

Reality's take on it:
Its a human attitude to be timid, pretentious and introvert. Most of the people will rather keep quite then to stand up and speaks (Specially in India other wise some mediocre politician could never out speak us to be voted).

2.
An employees perspective of the survey:
If something is bad I must make it look worse, may be then they will consider it seriously.

Managements response:
All the employee response are facts so lets address them in a meeting and get first hand account whats wrong.

Reality's take on it:
The employee made the bad look worse anonymously, will he not make the bad look good when its public? I lier remains a lier. No meeting can fetch you clear data.

Now what happens in the meeting:
The employees never take these meetings seriously. Cause they manage to hide themselves behind a mass and hence feeling secure. For them its another meeting where issues will be just discussed. Cause they never revealed the root cause. So they know the management just knows anything but the real reason.

(Reality is the survey needs to be changed. Satisfaction is not objective. It cant be answered in binary. Satisfaction is subjective, there is always a degree or extent involved in it. They fundamental flaw is when they ask if you are satisfied under different norms, they actually are not interested in knowing the real reason. The attempt is to bias the answer in an indirect way to suit to the picture we want them to be projected in. Hence the real concern remains under the hood.)

The management equipped with wrong (mostly exaggerated) data start a rather wrong analysis in a failed attempt to zero in on the real cause. Hence the disinterested employees look blank through out the meeting and when they come out they have not reduced but added to the woes.

Specific scenario:

Compensation related: The management declares we are competitive as per the last survey. and there is no problem.

Employees psychology: A person unlike prefers to work against the law of gravity. They don't intend to leap from high ground to lower. They intend to or aspire to leap from high to higher ground. The salary of a same category company can never satisfy one after a while for the simple reason they don't aspire to go there. But they aspire to go to the ones considered higher to the one they are in. So may be marginally but being a little ahead in terms of salary from the peer or competitor just to be above the current bracket and create a category of own will never hurt but add to the company reputation, satisfaction and other parameters involved for the delivery.

Sense of accomplishment: This is something really specific to one instance. The management always is driven by statistics cause statistic is supposed to be fact and figure. Not always. (You can't apply statistic to gauge the average depth of a river to decide whether you can cross it. Mostly you will drown your self. And may be thats why we have so many (in)famous jokes about statisticians.)
There are ground reality that statistician not project. A human mind is complex thing, pie chat and histograms can't represent it.

When taking a fierce decision of changing the technology facts beyond assumptions were never taken into consideration. The training need, the creation and substantiation of new job profile. the migration of product was planed but migration of employee psychology was not. Migration and road map for deliveries were planned but new road maps of opportunities were never discussed.
Change of technology is like changing a home. The fact "Its takes time to prepare the same delicate Biriyani flavor in a new kitchen" was neglected. NO training formal or otherwise were planned. The domain people had mastered over years was altered and represented in a different manner which looked like a generation gap. The involuntary first reaction to change that any man can give is "reluctance" and avoidance.
The people who had a reputation who had a knowledge base built over quite a period of time were not able to accept the change like nothing happened. In the battle to protect their self and public image and now the reality of being unable to cope to new changes they floundered and they floundered hard. This frustration creep in to every where. Cause it becomes a preoccupation to defend "what I was" and accepting or building "what I am". You had been a performer but you don't see yourself anymore to be. Cause what now you are in is completely new. And you dont have any time for making yourself feel home, feel comfortable.

Comparison to other lines: Not comparable. Juxtaposing facts to make something look prettier is stupidity. To show a straight line bigger you can just draw line smaller to it. All you can achieve by it is illusion.

Some is worse, thank god I am just bad. Its a sense of complacency. Which this industry discard of. Isn't it? So you cant infest that sense of being better just by arguing some one else if worse.

After all the presenter was heard mistakenly saying: "Actually this is the only thing where do really do not discriminate" (among lines). :D

The solution is:
1. get the survey conducted to capture real reasons.
2. make it clear to the people where they are heading for.
3. Everyone loves to see himself as a champion, do tell them that the did a good job and they are capable of doing even better.
4. If some once can run 10km, that never means every one can or have to. There are people who can't run yet swim for 20 km. We need to understand every one is different.
5. Give the employee space and time to settle down to freeze to his/her comfort level before saying come on get of the mark.
6. Sense of insecurity is good, even in relations to keep things healthy but sense of obscurity is never. Have things transparent.

Truly
Abinash

So you watch English movies?

2010-05-23T19:34:00.001+06:00

I never used to watch English movies. Two reasons: Its in English and second reason I would never remember the lead in male and female, leave director or production house name.
For me English movies were either science fictions or high end action. Its not an English movie if I dont get to see a weird creature hunting the human race or flying saucer vanishing in to the eternal space or man clad with laser guns fighting. Cause dialogues I would anyway not understand. And I would never deliberate to do so either. The protocol is keep your eyes fix on to movie, never look at any one they might ask you to explain what the hero just said (I never knew there exist some thing called sub titles). Take a cue from others to know where to laugh. If others are laughing, laugh. Just see those creatures and try to by heart few scenes to have post movie discussions and you dont feel like a moron jerk.

Now its been some 3 years I have been watching English movies (Well I mean watching in real sense not in the protocol I mentioned above). So this is a tribute to myself :D

A list of movie I liked genre wise, so that if there is any body who is starting his/her "watching movies in real sense" may not end up watching crap or watch just anything they stumble up on.

War Movie:
1. Saving private ryan
2. We were soldier
3. The bridge on the river kwai
4. Inglorious bastard
5. Hurt locker
6. 300
7. Schindler's List
8. Brave heart
9. The Pianist
10 The last of the Mohicans
11. The last samurai
12. Jar head

History:

1. Gladiator
2. Lord of the rings: the return of the king 3. Troy

This will be updated soon (m little too lazy :()

A pictorial depiction - it rained in my street

2010-05-16T20:38:00.001+06:00

The drops poured and the earth cooled. Like the father in heaven rained love on mother earth to sooth her anguish and let her rejoice.

The drops flowed with freedom making the music to please the restless souls and they set on their embark to finally merge into the sea.

The cold drops soaked on to the skin and made many run back to their fate - dry. Like unaware of our own desire we crave to get away from being dry just to run back to it.

Protected they feel with pride
they take the firm and forward stride.

Haste moved few
no rest ever, phew!

Even I want to be drenched,
with love a little care, relieved of my pain.

Hold my hand, cling to me, I will stay by
to protect and longing for thy.

In rain Shelter I found
Stranded by all flying unbound.

The rain made me beautiful, like crystal not rusty.

And the rain stopped the heaven and the earth relieved and rejoiced. Clean and pure like it should be.

Truly
Abinash

Hypocrisy?

2010-05-14T10:12:00.000+06:00

Heard some one rebuking about caste based census saying its discrimination. But did we ever take a look how a million time we discriminate every day? I choose to call the critics hypocrites and I call this identification what they choose to call discrimination. Going by their definition every individual system in India is a discriminating system. Lets take the under graduate entrance exams they discriminate on the basis of percentage in PUC, The job advertisement says strictly students from premier institutes. Tell me how they are different from the temple priest who says strictly Hindus? Just that criteria for discrimination is different?
The same "intellectual" opinionative guy would not let his children go to the municipality school or team up with the kids from him backyard slum. Why? "Gali ke ladkon ke saath nahin khelna". Now ain't that a discrimination too? Discrimination on any ground may it be economy, social, educational, race, geography or history, it remains discrimination. So whats wrong to go for a caste based census when we have caste based education and employment? Its just the hypocrite inside us taking over isn't it?

Truly
Abinash

Yet another random Tag - Selfnaire as I call it. A questionnaire about self

2010-04-28T17:35:00.000+06:00

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
The beard is looking good.

2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
444

4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
PP

11. What does your watch look like?
Macho.

12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Reading Infinite cosmos.

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
Your voda fone mobile bill payment of rupees 2836/- is due.

14. What’s a word that you say a lot?
Hello, Theek, Nikal denge, hojaega yaar.

15. Who told you he/she loved you last? (please exclude spouse , family, children)
Pari

16. Last furry thing you touched?
Teddy bear around my seat.

17. Favorite age you have been so far?
My primary school days. I was a star of my school.

18. What was the last thing you said to someone?
Nikal denge yaar ye log.

19. The last song you listened to?
UP wala thumka lagaun main hero jaise naach ke dikhaun....

20. Where did you live in 1987?
Balangir

21. Are you jealous of anyone?
Yes

22. Is anyone jealous of you?
No idea.

23. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
my mobile, my hologram of being brahmin - Janev

24. What’s your favorite city?
Hyderabad, Bhubaneswar

25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
1 year back to Captn sambit Das

26. Can you change the oil on a car?
No

27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
She is not having a good married life.

28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
Back pain. :(

29. What is your current desktop picture?
A dog.

Surviving with "Chhiyalis rupaye" - Survival techniques

2010-04-26T14:31:00.002+06:00

Ever wondered how to survive in Bangalore (with a bike to maintain and a 2BHK flat to maintain and a foodie inside you to maintain) for One whole week with just 46 rupees? I did. and frankly I am proud to share my survival techniques which range from Social engineering to brazening out of situations.

Day 1:
You wake up at 8 its Saturday and need to brush and have breakfast.
So don't wake up at 8, ensure that the previous night you played video games, watched downloaded movies, read some boring books and managed to sleep only after 4 A.M.
Now with the previous day schedule you must wake up post noon the following day. Being a Saturday follow the same for today. You at least can bypass the breakfast.
check the fuel level in the bike (I had 2 liters left approximately, and roughly that can take me around for 80km). Do not brush when you wake up (It makes you hungry). Check the amount of rice and daal you have. No vegetables makes no difference as having daal and rice itself makes you a lucky chap. Prepare rice and daal with precision as in only as much as you eat. Get yourself some achaar and put a nice hard tadka on the daal.
Have a good meal around 4 P.M. Walk down to nearest mall call up a few friends. Fortunately I have a postpaid connection :)
Buy an egg for Rs 3/- and then mix up the egg in the daal to make it (delicious) egg tadka and have it in dinner. Repeat step one.

Day 2: Money left 43/-

Repeat the activity of day one till dinner. and the dinner can be made as egg noodle. It will cost you 10/- + 3 /- = 13 rupees. Sleep early.

Day 3: Money left 30/-
Wake up early have a good bath and press your cloth yourself to save those precious 5 rupees.
Get to office dont take and idly or dosa in brekfast. Take two large bananas. (3 rupees each) have cofee at office and gear up your sense of humor. Plan a prank and convince other to force some one in the office for a lunch treat (mayb be just a south Indian thali still a paid meal). Have a stomach full one. On the way back to home grab a pack of good day for yourself from office. Prepare rice daal and have with achaar.

Day 4: Money left 24/-
Repeat the day 3 activity except for having a paid meal. Go to a regular restaurant whre you eat mostly
eat a good meal and say Ohh I ahve forgot the wallet. Will pay to tomorrow. Being old valued customer the restaurant guy wont mind it. For dinner have egg noodles (13/-)

Day 5: Money left 11/-
Repeat the day 3 activity and get a paid lunch from a friend. have biscuit and tea for dinner.

Day 6: Money left 11/-
See if some Bday or anniversary is on in office. Grab yourself a few good chunk of cake and chocolates. Have it for dinner. Lunch anyway they will treat.

Day 7: Consume all the 11 rupees and try a trick from step 1 to 6.

And thats how you survive a week (last week of the month) till you get the salary. :)

Invisible hope

2010-04-19T14:55:00.000+06:00

Why have you been so kind
held my hand and let me shine

standing by my side ever
letting me fall just never

Bigot I was, an ignorant loner
you made me live, a smiler from groaner

Stay by me, hold me tight
I am doomed, let your love make it bright.

Death no stop, life no end
not a moment leave me at this treacherous bend.

Truly
Abinash

N.B. - Somewhere I don't remember the line (Why have you been so kind) I read and then went on to write this poem. I have kept that line thats why cause that line became the igniter.
Thanks to that unknown source which I remember no more for helping me with the first line.

Are we Random? or an established pattern?

2010-03-01T14:28:00.004+06:00

Just a random thought occurred to me like always and I spent some time brooding over it. Here is the perception or the delusion I have come out with.

It started with one question: What do you feel, how random life is? Or its predefined and patterned?

Well after reading few spiritual literature and some ancient scriptures, I leaned the world is not a random creation, its a definite work of God where nothing can actually be random. Ever event is predefined. And the God manifests himself in every being. So The manifestation of God exists as widely in the whole universe as a single entity as in a human being. So I can conclude human being is a reflection of the universe in itself. It reminds me of the Fractal
programs I wrote in college. The smallest building element is nothing but an exact manifestation of the whole body. So the birth of the universe with big bang can be compared to the birth of a child. As soon as the child is born the whole system turns more chaotic.
The man since birth will tend to be in equilibrium by nature but it will only lead to increase in entropy. Being an isolated system in itself there is no way the randomness in it will can decrease following the second law of thermodynamics.

Now can we take a look at what they call as Maya and to find out the answer to the question we started with?

Maya is supposed to be the illusion we live in, including the sense that we have a life and we have senses and we live till death. Where we assume death is the end and birth as beginning. I would say Maya is nothing but yeah a set of illusion or predictions. We live at the present. But we expect and build the future thats the next immediate moment of the present and hence on. I believe there a proportion of certainty and uncertainty associated with prediction or expectation we make. Like we see what we want to see, we believe what we want to believe with the limit of our knowledge and power to perceive. So when we take a step forward we assume or expect or predict it to be placed at a particular position in the next immediate moment. But Future is unpredictable. And hence the expectation we set has a degree of uncertainty associated with it. There is no 100% guarantee that the out come of the event will be exactly same as predicted. Hence all we do at any present moment is with respect to the current event predict a future moment which actually is as uncertain as certain. Thats probability of occurance would be 0.5. So we are doing nothing but in reality live in illusion. When the expectation fails we call it misfortune. And when mate its fortune. But in reality the unbiased probability of fortune or misfortune is exactly the same. Hence may be thats how the Saints live as they know this mathematical truth and choose to be rather indifferent. But a slightly closer thinking at it will tell us that its not as simple a process as I have described it till now. There is a degree of bias on the future by the present event. Say like if I know I am going to appear for an exam, and I have put in effort so the probability of being fortunate will increase. And hence the probability of misfortune will decrease. Hang on... with it can we say that we can actually have control over the future by means of the choice we make at the present? Well may be yes. Thats what they may call the law of karma. Your Karma decides the future. Its the choice we make for the present event thats leads us to a more chaotic state or increase in entropy. That decision precisely decides or controls the outcome we may have in the immediate next moment. Either increasing or decreasing the number of choices or state we may leap to from there. That means the degree to which we can be fortunate or mis-fortunate can be predicted or decided at present. It implies, with a closely calculated decision we can actually make ourselves luckier over time, as I told above luck is nothing but meeting the expectation we set for a future time. So one can work out to live long enough to see himself getting luckier close to absolute one as to it happens exactly what he predicts or expects. May be thats what is the miracles we see.

So to sum it up: Life is a random event with many possible out come of any event occurring now and leading to the occurance of another like a chain reaction. And yes we do live in Maya as we just keep predicting the expected outcome for the immediate next moment which actually is equally improbable as probable. But as said the future is in our hand.

...... To be continued.

Truly
Abinash

Some random TAG

2010-03-01T01:17:00.002+06:00

The blog I picked this tag from claims exactly this: "the questions are so framed to make you feel good about yourself :) Try it if you don't believe me!". So let me try and find out I can believe her or not: (## means I am skipping the question)

1. What is your current obsession?
Computer games, books, the new T-shirt I bought today.

2. What are you wearing today?
A customized(self designed) Pathani kurta a pair of denim jeans and a pair slippers.
3. What’s for dinner?
Nothing.

4. What’s the last thing you bought?
Movie tickets.

5. What are you listening to right now?
The patterned noise created by my ceiling fan.

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
No one tagged me but I took it myself. But the one I took it from I don,t know anything else except her name and her online addresses. And yeah that she is from my state Orissa.

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
New york city, then sell it off and build a farmhouse at my native place and keep the remaining money to spend my rest of life wasting at least to earn money for survival.

8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
##

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Himalayas.

10. Which language do you want to learn?
Urdu.

11. What’s your favourite quote?
"Even this will pass"

12. Who do you want to meet right now?
##

13. What is your favourite colour?
Orange.

14. Give us 3 styling tips that work for you.
##

15. What is your dream job?
adventurer

16. What’s your favorite magazine?
##

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
Buy books, eat out and pay my mobile bill.

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
##

19. Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?
## I hate all.

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?
##

21. What are you going to do after this?
Complete my article on chaos and randomization.

22. What are your favourite movies?
Many

23. What inspires you?
The fact that nothing remains and we are mortals.

24. What do your friends call you most commonly?
Abinash

25. Would you prefer coffee or tea?
Tea.

26. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
Write or take a fast drive on bike.

27. What makes you go wild?
I am born wild.

28. Which other blogs do you love visiting?
Many. ##)

29. Favorite Dessert/Sweet?
Rabdi.

30. How many tabs are turned on in ur browser right now?
12

31. Favorite Season?
Winter.

32. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?
Maggi.

33. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?
Just laugh them out and try to help them.

34. What are you afraid of the most?
Snake, and the paranoia that my friend or family might get hurt.

35. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Ah, I am looking good. :)

36. What brings a smile on your face instantly?
##

Thats it

Truly
Abinash

Akela

2010-02-20T13:22:00.004+06:00

Dard ko aansu na mili
Manzeel ko raah na mila,
Disha heen parinde ki tarah
bhatakta raha zindagi ka kafeela

Jishm ko rooh na mili
Honthon ko lafz na mila
Behisaab bas badhta gaya
manzeel se mushafir ka faslaa

Aankhon ko khwaab na mile
Khwaabon ko pankh na mila
bas chal pada saath liye
dard, dawa, bechaeni, sukoon akela.

P.S. English script is chosen cause many can understand yet can not read Hindi.

Truly
Abinash

main....

2010-02-18T15:30:00.003+06:00

ek sunehra khwab hoon main
kisi khoobsurat baag ka
mehekta gulaab hoon main

kisike dard ki dawa, kisika sabaab,
to kisika saraab hoon main
har lamha har pal behisab hoon main

ek diya, jo khud jal roshan kare har aangan
kisika cheerag hoon main
kisi samma ki aag, kisika noore betaab hoon main

Kisi bechaen dil ka sukoon, kisi tanha ka
saath, kisi ka armaan hoon main.

Waise to bahut naam hain..
kisiki dua, kisiki awaz, kisika wojood hoon main.

Ek hasin lomhon ki daastan, kisiki zindagi hoon main.
ishq, mohabbat, mehfeel, bas nayab hoon main.

P.S. Its in English script as many readers might not be able to read hindi yet understand it.

Rawa-Curd Pakoda - A good evening snack

2010-02-08T13:40:00.002+06:00

Well to start with make sure its a good evening and you are hungry.
Then follow the following procedures and taste the difference :)

The ingradients:
1. 250 gm Suji
2. 300 gm Dahee
3. 1 inch long ginger
4. 2 medium size onions
5. oil 200 ml
6. green chilly
7. salt as per taste
8. Coriander leaf

Mix the Suji with curd and leave for 5 minutes
Then put the chopped onions, green chilly, chopped ginger, coriander leaves and salt and mix it well, heat oil in a pan and deep fry the mix in small portions.
Fry in medium-low flame till it gets brown.
Be sure you don't fry is too deep that it tastes bitter.

That it garnish it with few fried chillies and you are done.

Chicken chilly - Chef Abinash

2010-01-28T14:33:00.002+06:00

Well to start with, the prerequisite is to be hungry and patient.

Now the not so delicate way of preparing the delicacy:

Ingredients:
1. 1/2 Kg chicken boneless
2. 3 tsp cornflour
3. 2 tsp maida
4. 200 m.l. refined oil
5. 1 egg
6. 2 tsp Soya saus
7. 2 tsp tomato saus
8. 2 big onions
9. 6-7 cloves of garlic
10. 1 inch long ginger
11. spring onion 2
12. chilly powder and green chilly
13. salt to taste
14. Lemon half piece

Phase 1:
Marinate the cleaned chicken in a mix of salt, Haldi, chilly powder and 1 spoon of lemon juice for 1 hour.
Prepare a mix of the courflour, maida, 1 tsp oil, salt, egg and chilly powder.

Phase 2:
Put the marinated chicken in the mix and leave for 15 mins.
Heat oil in a pan to deep fry the chicken.
Put a separate open flat pan and fry the onion, ginger, garlic in it.
First put the garlic, then ginger, then onion and then the green chilly to it.
Stir them till they are well fried.
put some tomato saus and soya saus adn pepper in it.
Put the fried chicken in it add salt and then the spring onions. Thats it.
server hot to yourself. :)

Bon south - A review

2010-01-21T18:27:00.003+06:00

Well I had a chance to taste the Bon south's cuisine and here comes the review direct from my heart and tongue.

If you Don't have patience to read whats below here is the summary:

--> Food variety minimal, preparation is average, price is high, ambiance is really good, some abstruse beverages they have which are pathetic. Over all it does not make up a great lunch.

Detailed review:

Once you are in there you have two options: to choose the buffet priced at Rs 295/- + Taxes or à la carte which is really over priced.

We opted buffet with anticipation. The table was well arranged, just that the food to follow was not par with it. It started with Soups (Chicken sorba and/or tomato rasam). Well chicken thing was bad and rasam was good.

They brought some masala vada of size too small to be called vada so they named it otherwise. And chicken pepper dry. Which was little to dry and left all the scope of garnishing unutilized. Anyway the service was really poor, cause at any point of time you take a look on the table you find the water glasses empty, starter places vacant and no chutney or sauce to go with the starter.

Well hopeful about the main course we leaped to grab the bigger plate but terribly disappointed not to find anything worth filling it. Biriyani was too naively prepared, mutton was not fresh, chicken curry was floating on a curry which apparently had nothing but artificial color in it. The raita was good. So we had plane rice, raita and some daal fry. They had some veg curry which had no vegetables in it anyway.

Feeling taken in by the showed off arts, well arranged tables and a warm welcome we food the food rather cold. Heading for the dessert section which seemed really deserted actually we found nothing but vanila ice cream and a south indian preparation of moong daal, the daal was a good different taste and vanila ice cream tasted as usual.

So over all the service was slow and you feel unattended.
Food gave no further addition to different culinary experience and rather a turn off.
And final verdict would be a no.

Truly
Abinash

Mutton Rogan Josh - (Chef Abinash)

2010-01-16T22:35:00.004+06:00

Well, To start with This is a quick guide for the first timers like me, to confidently prepare a mutton delicacy of their own way and proudly name it the famous mutton Rogan josh, :) But certainly it taste good. I cooked for the first time. :)
Here goes the brilliant recipe:

Ingredients:

1. Fresh mutton 1/2 Kg
2. Onions 4 (the big ones)
3. Garlic 3 (some 30 cloves)
4. Ginger 3-4 (one inch length each)
5. Black pepper (one ts)
6. Dhania powder (1 ts)
7. Jeera powder (1 ts)
8. Yogurt (dahee) 1 cup
9. Hari mirch (2)
10. Red dry mirch (3)
11. Mustard oil (170ml)
12. Salt add to taste
13. Sugar 1 ts

Get started:
First be ready to have patience for next 1 hour.
Put the yogurt, garlic, ginger and green chilly paste on the meat and mix well.
Leave it to marinate for 1 hour.
Prepare the paste of Onions, Garlic, Ginger, red chilly, Dhania powder, jeera powder and a one inch long Cinnamon. Grind it well with some water.
Now put the pressure cooker on the stove at medium flame and put the oil in it.
When the oil is hot put 1ts sugar and wait til its brown, put 1 ts turmeric (haldi).
Now its time to put some real effort. Put the whole masala (mix prepared after grinding) to the oil and keep stiring till it becomes brown and sticky.
put the marinated meat to it and stir for a while with open pan. Let the water be out of the meat in the pan. Cover the pressure cooker and leave for 5-6 whistles.
Open the cooker and add meat masala to taste and stir. Add cardamom powder and stir it.
Serve hot....

Mansa Jhola:
Now to prepare Balangiria mansa Jhola, follow the instructions as above
then add 2 cups of hot water to it and stir well. put a boiled potato and some dhania powder. Stir well and heat till the curry starts boiling. Its done. And it tastes better than anything.

How to eat:
Don't go for flavoured rice, just plane white rice, green vegetable salad or raita, and the mansa jhola, NO DAAL at all. This will make you a great meal. :) Enjoy your meal.

Adhure se hum adhure se tum

2010-01-14T10:13:00.000+06:00

kabhi fursat jo mile to chali ana mere paas tum
hain hazaron khwahisain baki, adhure se hum, adhure se tum

Kabhi ho izazat to khwabon main ajana akele
saath chalenge falak tak, jahan dharti aur asmaan mile

nazraano ka asiyana hoga, aur chahnewalon ka mela
ek sisak si uthti hai, main khona jaon, rehna jaon akela

ek chah, ek gujarish, ek peymaana liye khade hain
ke beinteehah karte hain mohabbat tumhise har lamha jude hain

bhool na jana ek pal bhi is shaksh ko ek shaksh samajh kar
mehfil ki ronak main na bhulana hume bemehfil samajhkar

jashn to humbhi manate, khoob surat mehfil hum bhi sajate
kher khuch lamhe intezaar ke aur sahee, kaas humbhi chahiton main shamil ho pate!

Truly
Abinash

And..

2010-01-07T20:14:00.000+06:00

And with this the desperate seek of comfort is erased. The ennui remains and the despair or desire to migrate to a different land, a different mass. To have a different origin becomes too hard to bear. The hope in one dimension dies out giving birth to an all new hope in different dimension. It becomes hard to discern, what’s right and what’s wrong. All that remains is the quite desperation to run, fly and escape. To be in a different landscape, to be in a different world. It hurts in here. Its like the never ending winter at times, with hope of spring in mind. Its like the summer that overcasts the rain.

P.S. Some time I wonder why do I start a sentence, more a paragraph, more an article itself with the phrase “AND”. Don’t know something compels. May be it manages to hide the origin of the feeling which drives you to write such kind of abstruse stuffs.
A Smile :)

Truly
Abinash

It hurts

2009-12-30T20:09:00.003+06:00

Its not new. At all. Its painful instead.The sense of being cornered,the feel of being ignored. The desire to be closer. All are painful. Equally. Something wrong happens every time. And I come to realize the space and gravity I hold. I hold a space like air. Expected to be squeezed in to a small balloon and expected to be leaked too. Expected to be ever expanding and at times and expected to be like air, inert to all these. So color, no taste.Just stay inert. And then it come in like the air trying to going out of the boundary of the balloon. But It remains to regain its space,when the balloon bursts. It waits.Like I do, with hope.

Truly
Abinash

Goa - The see experience of the sea (personal account)

2009-12-15T21:25:00.004+06:00

Standing on the porch of the land, the beach the sight holds the infinity. The bubbly waves run into you foaming around the feet and embrace you with the welcome hug. The smell of the blue that the wind brings and moist you lips is enriching. The feet move deep into the water gripping the sand beneath and fingers snuggled. A smile runs through the face and arms stretch wide open to have the juvenile desire to hold the whole sea, the whole horizon. As you move you feel the chill of water and warmth of feeling that it brings. The mild music, the hearty laughs, the sound of wave, the dancing beauties magnify the whole sight into a scenery. The whole beach is a world in itself. Lively, enchanting and engrossing.

Off the beach lies the small huts decorated with lights, flowers and the handicrafts to create the genuine sense of being in Goa. Lovely couples walking hands in hand, energetic elders living their youth again, and the local residents running to earn a business make the crowd off and on the beach. The idly and chatni on the banana leaf makes the breakfast more delicious. The smell of fish curry and the menu of seafood brings the foody even in the fitness maniacs. The speeding bikes, the white skinned bare bodied mass, the hippie stylish women make you a sight of youthfulness. Smiling you move on to the road to explore the beaut of sea, the country sight embodied in the catholic styled houses holds your eyes.

Long way down the sea are the water freaks taking up sports. Gliding above the blue line, diving into the depth, conquering the waves. The days see it all. The wave becoming tide. The dry becoming wet. The rise going down. The boats returning soar. The beach becoming a party. The day becoming night. The darkness becoming enlightened. The silent wind becoming musical. The day sees it all. The sea prepares to welcome a new day. Goa lives in every drop of the sea and the sea lives in Goa.

Random thoughts - Again

2009-12-08T11:50:00.004+06:00

Well I was wondering what all things you see here around us and find to your utter surprise, they are socially, personally entertained. Not a question asked and taken for granted..

1. Staring at people
2. Riding bike on the pavement
3. Bad garlic breath with an aroma of onion
4. Ogling at "Female" (any age, any shape, any race.... includes bitches :P)
5. Running behind the time, thats an official governmental attitude now pursued by every citizen of the republic
6. Being an IT professional
7. Being a politician
8. Spitting just any where (including inside theaters, public transport - thats why its public, government office's walls, on a bald head, over a Mercedes) it adds to bio degenereable content to environment you know.
9. Pissing - any where again... on walls, on animals, in the public gathering, in front of girl's hostel, inside college class rooms, just any place you think of even it adds to the biospheric fuel.
10. Blame anyone you find dead or alive, mass or indivisual, for anything that entertains you.

If you find some one doing all the above welcome to the community, its an Indian.

Truly
Abinash

The loner

2009-12-07T16:11:00.003+06:00

Abandoned, silently it lied there. Moist on the ground. It had someone's company. Sometime, some where. It had the sense of belonging. The beauty of decoration and the fragrance of admiration. It had all, in it. But its felt aside, it has lived its stint. Left over on the ground, no beauty it looks anymore, no fragrance it dispels in the coll air that touches it. It just lies there waiting. Waiting in the hope that the air will bring it its company, its beauty back. The air will take away the loner with it. And it will rejoice again, now in hope and then in possession. Possession of the one who left. It alone, uncared.

Truly
Abinash

Being an unknown

2009-11-25T20:22:00.003+06:00

Some people don't understand many things. And leave you alone when you need them the most. Like you are an unknown. A man with out a face amongst the million there. Just an unknown.

Truly
Abinash

Winter of love

2009-11-15T22:32:00.002+06:00

Winter is special. Like love. You love it. You want it to last for ever. You want to snug to your beloved. You want to feel warm. The whole world seems clean, air chill, sky blue and touch sensational. You want to feel the breath, hold the hands tight. Winter makes the chicks pink, like you blush in love. winter makes you stay back in bed few more hours, like you wake up late after a love filled night. Winter is lovely, like love.

A good morning

2009-11-02T23:49:00.002+06:00

On the porch of Monday, passes the week. A laziness borrowed over from the weekend I start the week. Hoping to see the eyes, the smile that has grown indifferent to me. The day spent mostly brooding over the monotonous office work, same dirty desk, filthy code. They add up to the pain of the moment. Then I see the face smiling, slowing and blushing. At me. The day fades. Fades the smile, glow and the blush. The dusk comes in quite swiftly. Brings in the sense of a lost day. The same indifference is re-uttered. Refusal, the hands move. Initially close then away. The chill air blowing with the running wheels of the bike. make you feel cold. No warm. Just cold. The words hurt. The actions hurt. The day hurts. And I hate the day. It passes away with flying time. Comes in the night. And a smile. My smile is like a panacea. The day is erased. My mind is skilled in it. Forgetting. It helps. The night brings in another smile. Of the motion of the hands from away to closer. to hold up. To cling together. Night brings dream. Dream brings the hands closer. And starts a good morning. From away to closer. A real good morning.

Truly
Abinash

Lets make it

2009-11-02T23:19:00.002+06:00

Intentions. Perceptions. Decisions. They all occur like they are eternally linked. Maintaining their camaraderie. Intentions how ever remain obscure, assumed and silent. Perceptions remain wrongly articulated, mostly misunderstood or un-understood. And decisions timely mistaken, untimely regretted and perfectly spontaneous.
At the spur of the moment, the overwhelming emotions, uncontrolled motion of thoughts, misplaced facts and the assumed wrong assumptions. They do the killing. Killing of happiness, peace and the need. What is truly desired is always hidden. Ego drives the motion then, taking over love, care, wishes, dreams. Human are designed err. To err and name it life. To live and name it fate. To mistake and name it experience.

It takes a small decision drifted away by the ego to destroy it. But it takes a thousand small dreams, a million small desires and one strong will to construct it to live it. And name it life. In the shape and form it deserves to be. Happy. Decorated. Beautiful. Lets make it.

Truly
Abinash

The moment

2009-09-07T11:16:00.003+06:00

This place never felt better. We change moods, we toggle teams, technology and priorities. We take leaps, we run to embrace what we call success. But success is never ending for it soon becomes a trend of life when the we clinging together with unfathomable commitment to live up to ourselves, take the united stride.
Then the jittery final moments come to confront you with the drain you out of you courage. But this is just the sign that we are just very close to it, the goal. All it takes is a faith in self and each other and a little will-full will. It passes and the moment suddenly becomes ecstatic, full of energy to be retold over and over again.. of the glory. And we realize: we have achieved. The feel is pure and firm. Just a will against odds and it remains, as history as a mark over time. To be adored.
This is what we all have achieved, as a team, as a united bunch of willful souls.
Thanks to every one.

Truly
Abinash

At the moment

2009-08-29T12:05:00.003+06:00

I am contented in the moment. The moment of now. I overreach unvoluntarily. A strong sense of happiness flows in me. And I smile. I smile at how I possessed her in the moment, how she belonged to me. For ever. And then she wakes me up to the reality with her musical alphabets waiting to be answered back. You dont listen to me, she would protest. And I search for her in her eyes. I a everything she assures. I believe.
And suddenly the I find myself missing. Missing in her world. Like a old furniture kept aside in the newly painted house. I find a piece of myself which no more gets the sense of possessing her. She has a life, and its a definition with people other than me. I am a hidden definition. I am unauthorized. She has a routine to happiness, the routine bypasses me. I feel. But I know this feeling is false, false for I know her and I know the truthfulness she has for me. And I exist some where inside her. I know. Always, every moment. She knows. The routine ends and I get a place in the definition again. And the old furniture is placed in the center of the painted house, again. To be admired and adored.

A lust, a beast a night!

2009-08-29T11:39:00.004+06:00

The curtains down, lights dimmed, luxury classy furnitures all around and a chill air blowing out of the air conditioners they set the plot. The daunting smell of spirit, the marooned crowd with lust brimming out of their eyes blinding them of anything but lust, raw lust. The frustration oozing out of their faces filled empty pours of the hall. The red-blue-stinking-with-spirit hall.
The almost nude fair bodyies moved in the loud noise, the dark music. They moved to the satisfy the lusty eyes transfixed at them. They moved up and down, round and round to meet the frustration, to gulp it down their bared dangling flesh. Stains of sins engraved into them, on to the skins. Their eyes filled with again lust, lust for money. The lust of flesh and the lust of money enriched the whole moment, little too prolonged to bear. The bargains for night began, the bodies are owned momentarily by the paying beast. And they, the fair dangling fleshes submitted there flesh, soul to the beasts. All that began with spirit, smoke, light, money, lust and a dark beast will end. Will end in some hours.
All this will end in a gloomy room left with untidy bed sheets, wiped out stains of semen, a dark smell of alcohol and smoke, a abandoned used glass left with little wine, a mark of cosmetics and a set of lost soul. A lust of flesh satisfied by a lust for money. No love, no desire, no existence. Just a set of sins committed over long lost guilts. The whole plot is set again, the whole scene taking place exactly the same way over again the next day, with the rise of the moon.

Lets count it right, lets live!

2009-07-18T19:55:00.000+06:00

Life is a set of moments, like a video. Each momemt logically clinging to each other. And we count them to judge our own life. We measure can measure our life in two ways: with number of un answered calls, mails and messages or with the number of calls, mails and messages we got. The first one hurts, lets you down and kills your happiness. The secon one joys, puts you up and gives reasons to be happy. The first one actually are the people who never cared, and never made any difference. The second one is of the people who care and who want to make a difference. The counts never end. Life does. Who remember and forget in the same sequesnce. We remember each unanswered mail, call and ,message. We forget each mail, call, message we receive. We err, we are human. we find so inner thrust for sad moments. We remember the tears and forget the smile. We live a wrong life. We die a right death. An unhappy death. We must count the other way. LIve a happy life and die an inifferent death. Don't measure your life by the number of people you missed, measure by the number you ahve gained. Be happy.

Feel a refugee days are back

2009-07-04T20:19:00.001+06:00

I hate a few things. Saturday and Sunday top the list.
The feel a refugee days are back. :(

Life of boredom

2009-06-21T23:57:00.003+06:00

Personal life, Private life, public life, Professional life
Life with family, life with friends, life with the loved ones, life with enemies
and there is one more, life of boredom. When you get time from all other life, and feel bored. There exist few people there in your life of boredom.

I want you....

2009-06-14T11:54:00.002+06:00

.. is what I say. It comes all over to me when you are not with me. Even for a moment. I feel abandoned. The body feels dilapidated. No strength I could find. Anywhere. I just feel the pain of a sharp cut. I want you is what I say. And find how wrong I am. How significantly wrong I am. I don't want you.
I need you. I need each moment to hold on to you. I need you to live the moment you are away. I need you to rejoice, to hope, to create, to admire, to love. I need you to live.
I dont want you. I need you.

And we move on - Clinging to each other

2009-06-14T11:42:00.004+06:00

It was not new. The day, the time, the people around, the lights, the chill air and the rain. Nothing was new. But we move on. Finding the new heights of love, new depths of warmth, new surprises of the moments. 'I love rain' she tells often. And it rains often, when we are together. In the moon lit evening, the sky speaks to us, making the moon light just dim enough with the clouds, hiding the stars, making the wind smooth and cold, pouring the water to make the moment just lovelier and romantic. The black pitch roads are deserted just the water flows and we move clinging to each other. The whole world is ignored, the whole sense of being in the middle of the city is forgotten and we just move on. Clinging to each other. The drops running down the cheeks melt on the lips. She comes closer holding me tight, with her hands resting on the chest, with a almost silent whisper the words are delivered 'I love you'. With the deserving delicacy. Ecstatic I smile, live the moment and admire the precision. The precision of everything at that moment. And we move on. Clinging to each other.

Indifference Hurts

2009-06-07T19:14:00.000+06:00

It cuts sharp and it hurts. It hurts right where it hurts the most.
An indifferent disposition, a lax attitude shown deliberately, I believe. Just to show you worth nothing. You just worth nothing. It wont even take a moment to forget you because you have never been remembered. The depreciating love. The wearing out memories. The not so long company. The few good moments. Its not new. Its been there since long, I always ignored it. Now it doe snot ignore me. It catches me right at my eyes. And I just ask one question. Why?

Truly
Abinash

A morning of love

2009-05-10T12:31:00.007+06:00

The morning comes little too early for me than the rest I know. I wake up to a dream by the first sunshine. The golden soft and warm sun light falls into my eyes as soon as it rises. I become still. Motionless in literal sense. My brain does not run forth with time anymore, ear numb, and eyes closed and transfixed to the most beautiful thing. Her face. I just cant't take my thought off her. I remain sedate with the thoughts and the magical imagery of hers. A silent node of euphoria plays some where. And completely lost and overwhelmed I smile. I get up just to realize what I imagine in reality. Its my reality now.

Truly
Abinash

10 reasons why an Indian metropolitan does not vote

2009-05-10T12:07:00.002+06:00

Well people does not turn up as expected to vote in the Indian metropolis. Nothing strange. Now I got the reasons after a logical deduction on the statistical data in a demographic perspective with a meticulous precision. :p

1. Eh! election? But Obama has already won, ain't he?
2. Ahh you cant vote over Internet or SMS. we need e-election.
3. They still take black and white pictures on the voter's id card. So I don't have one.
4. the vote mark on the nail looks nasty.
5. Voting centers don't have air conditioning facilities.
6. You see they must think of valet parking facility.
7. The party symbols ain't that catchy. The need to innovate and get some more flashy symbols.
8. It was a holiday! Now it takes some real motivation to get over the hag over and get out of the cozy blanket.
9. I was alone can't leave my "Tiger" home alone. They should allow dogs to voting centers.
10. I ran out of my sunscreen the day before. (malls are closed on voting day. Their fault)

The modernised sexual frustration

2009-04-18T13:37:00.002+06:00

Man has always been striving to satisfy his sexual aggression by any means and many means. Bisexuality, homo sexuality, some people indulge in imaginative sex. But lately I have come across a different species of man, and to my surprise he majority belong to this class. They tend to have an inclination for verbal sex, with just anyone for that matter. Passing obscene comments, and "on-a-lighter-note" statements when they use dual meaning words. And then shamelessly brag it. The senseless stupidity is flaunted as wit full intellectual ability. I pity them. In my office I have seen people doing so with an appended statement of "don't-take-it-otherwise". On chat exploiting the limitation of English script to spell out regional words say hindi words which actually carries a vulgar meaning. And they like it. And both the genders. The guys mostly take the lead in doing so and the girls take the pride in approving it. All
"in-a-lighter-note-you-know". But some where with in they are approving their sexual frustration with it. Knowing or unknowingly. Its not new. Its subtle existence
is apparent in the old literature and cinema too. It has now become a cult. A sign of metro sexuality. But the modernity has reinvented this retro approach. In work place,
glass builds, chilled aired chambers, when these sex starving frustrated heads assemble. They indulge in this witful verbal sex. And few who choose to withdraw from
it just become silent onlooker and reproach in recluse. And take out frustration as criticism or judgment by writing such blogs.

Truly
Abinash

Hope the fight

2009-04-10T14:45:00.003+06:00

I had never been weak ever before. Mentally. May be because I never longed for something with such a desperation or strong desire. I don't even now for anything else but that one thing. I know I have been effusively emotional. And I have discarded any rationality that could have attached to it, ruthlessly.
But I ma only weak now. A strange sense of insecurity flows in me.
But I am not like that, I am told. And my hope that I still cling to fights back the darkness of this fret and insecurity. My hope wins. Just because I want it to win. I smile. And the fight starts all over. Its been a part of my life. I want it to end. End fast and end happily. May hope prevails and may hope wins ever.

Truly
Abinash

The mall crowd

2009-04-06T20:00:00.002+06:00

Shiney, flashy faces
with dangling, fleshy asses

They flaunt the tag of brand
tight jeans, exposed cleavage meet the demand

dull, dead eyes
racing to grave with silent cries

They flaunt the lies of life
recluse, on deeds they just remorse, they grief.

This is written on the context of the shiny-car-driving, kala chasma clad we-the-rich-with-extra-pounds-to-show people roaming in the glass malls.

Truly
Abinash

A love story

2009-03-29T09:10:00.009+06:00

Well its been quite long since I had written any fiction. Particularly fiction about love. You can say a love story. The last time I tried was some almost 2 years back and it had two parts and yet incomplete and then I never found any motivation to complete it. Nevertheless I want to write one again. Afresh and inspired. Fiction yet inspired. Hopefully I will complete it this time. :)

*-------------*--------------¯`•._.•{Love Story}•._.•´--------------*------------*

Dark it was when I opened my eyes. I don't know what woke me up. In a blink I was conscious out of deep sleep. Unvoluntarily my hand grabbed the mobile lying by. It read 4:24 a.m. Scrolling up in the message inbox I could give the most blissful smile possible. Everything in a predefined sequence. In a delicate manner. I just take a look on my palms joined together. Trying to figure out how accurate is the curvature that my heart lines cast when joined together. Some one had told the more they are curve the more possible it is to get your dream partner. Everytime I wake up in bed I do it. Everytime. And in the memory-lane it suddenly came upon me, just like that. I was driftted to the day, the day which still wakes me up. Puts the smile and makes me joint my palms in anticipation....
(A magical day, 2008, Bangalore)- Hurriedly I looked back at her. The same face with the same smile I would dream of, to love to and to be loved by. I could not resist the desire to keep the gaze on. The next moment I remember over the coffee table, I asked her "do you believe in love at first sight?" "No" She snapped. I smiled and said then you must be believing in love at third sight, I do. She smiled, silently. "Its your third sight for me". She smiled with eyes, biting the pink lips, blushing and looking down. The moment spoke it all. The moment of love. The "yes" reverberated with out being spoken. Yes she loved me too. Then each glance of her ever, was as magical as it was then. Everyday the love grew older by age, it grew younger by the intensity. As fresh as a blooming lotus, as warm as the first sunlight of winter. I slowly hold her hand in mine. The hands trembling, the lips open, the eyes in the eyes. We lived the moment. A sudden sense of belongingness, and a sudden sense of pride took over. Us. The sight became hazy in slow motion. The image became blur to blurer. The eyes had their share of it. They are empty nomore. Filled with the drops of joy, two small sparkling drops. In hers and in mine. The moment then came on to be the most exquisitely designed. Filled with bliss, surprize, happiness, warmth and just magic.
All the imagery run thru my eyes, as I lay on the bed, in the dark, remembering each moment of it. Living each second of it. May be this is the only way you can re-live the past. But its not my past. Its my present too and will be the future also. How does it feel to live the whole life in one single day? I ask myself. And I answer back. "Its awesome". When you deliberately stop the motor of life to keep harmonising in the same lovely moments that you define for it. I have been living it each moment since then.

"Again?" She woke up saying beside me. I smiled, as she came closer to my face to have a look like everyday. I smiled, took her hand in mine, and kept the gaze on just into her eyes. "Will you share the smile with me for the rest of our life? Will you be my bride every day till we breath? Will you let my love admire you till my heart beats and my mind can think?" .... She smiled. Again. I loved it. Not again, I never stopped loving it ever. "Yes, I will. I will with all the love, commitment and sweetness of this world, will be your bride for ever." the joyous beautiful lip moved to make these magical sound in the little air between her and me.
My arms around her, my head resting on her chest, she made me sleep, and we slept embraced with the shield of love.
It never felt I am old now. It never ever felt so. My eyesight has gone weaker, but I can still see her in the dark, my ear don not allow me to over hear anything anymore. Still I can listen her voice in every moment. I am old now. But I can feel her in me. And she says she is too old to blush. But she does when she sees me.
(One more magical day, 2048) "You slept?" "Ohh sweetu let me take you on my lap, I promised you I will never put you down, its my lap that can carry just one thing over hundred pound now, and thats you." Every day we come to this park, me and my love. Its been more than 30years we are married now. And each morning I wake up and see too. and we live the same moments. Its not life we have spent together for last 30 years now. Its magic. Each morning has been same for us I wake up dreaming of her and she makes me sleep in her lap. Its a saga of love. May be this is what they call love.
And this is what we call life.

P.S: Its fiction, but a dream. Its a story but an inspired reality.

* the header design is taken from a fellow blogger friend Raji's name style :)

Truly
Abinash

Thodi der

2009-03-27T15:20:00.002+06:00

Thodi der. How long could thodi der be? One hour? two hour? may be a whole day; eh? But its been infinite at time. A thodi der that never comes ever. The clocks show the exact same time twice, thrice, and several times more but the thodi der never turns up. And you can't do anything about it. You dont master time, you dont master the promiser. You do master yourself and and do just that. Anticipations die out. a false assurance creeps in. A assurance which seems just timely false. You know it now and you knew it then too. But you srive yourself to believe that assurance. It gives pleasure. Its what you want.
And the time dies out.

Truly
Abinash

Hope

2009-03-20T22:19:00.003+06:00

Hope is a strange thing. It makes you smile in adversity. It makes you look up when you fall in to an abyss. And give strength when life turns back at you. But I am in none of these kind of times. So I find a new aspect to it. It keep you happy when happy days are around. Its not the good time but the hope in it that makes us feel so good. So happy. And it does not take bad times to learn the strength of hope. Good times teach you more of it. I never want to loose hope. It keeps me happy. It gets me going. And it will till I die. Thanks for making me aware of this hope. :)

Lets hope, lets be happy.

Truly
Abinash

Lonely I feel happy

2009-03-20T22:16:00.001+06:00

Lonely evenings sips in as the over accompanied days die out. Seclude, I take refuse in the well lit, room. Finding myself comfortable on the edge of the bean bag, just with a stare at a point. The scent is spread in the room. The zincs, dazzling here and there. The creases in the sheet, the coffee mug with standing exactly at the same place. The dust coat on the TV screen ornamented with her name. The place has just been decorated with beauty. The beauty which is absolute for me. Sill they seem to others. The sound of breathes resonating the air, the movements still reflecting everywhere. The smiles I feel inside me. The magical eyes looking directly into mine. The mystic sound of the voice. And the beautiful bright face. They just fit in to create magic, absolute magic.

Lonely I feel happy.

Truly
Abinash

Surreal

2009-02-16T10:28:00.002+06:00

Surreal! The days of late have been just surreal for me. Unexpected, incoherent, almost a dream at times and near to nightmare at times. Things change. Cause they are supposed to. And I am supposed to remain serene to them. But seldom I do. Never in fact. I could smile at them not anymore. They hurt. Hurt right at where it pains the most. But then its life. And life is supposed to be weird. So it is. My eyes at times makes my sight hazy and floating. Its then I realize it has got a droplet of tear in it. Almost involuntary. I wipe out. And I just grow little stronger than what I was before the drop was born to my eyes. One month was never so long. It were the weekends that come as prized days. Not anymore. I hate them now. I just want 7 working days. I hate going back to wake onto a Saturday morning. A dead Saturday morning. Its surreal and unpleasing.

Truly
Abinash

And I just miss

2009-02-07T21:29:00.004+06:00

The heartbeat increases, the mind loomed by thoughts suddenly I stand still. Reluctant to move. Even a step. No desire to look at anyone, anything. Just a spontaneous desire to go into a self exile. Just a nonsense may be still a wish to yell out loud and cry alone. The gravity does not feel so strong as a sense of weightlessness takes over. The fingers tremble before the eyes. Like I have just heard my death sentence. Little nervous I guess. No noise, no voice can enter my ears. Just I can hear myself. Restless I reach to the pocket, grab the mobile in despair and anticipation. But in vain. I put it in my pocket close to chest, not to miss a single beep. Even unconsciously. It never beeps. Its blank, like my mind. The throat feels dry and i gulp some water. But in vain the feel continues. And I continue to be empty. I just realize I am missing something or may be some one to be more correct. I just continue missing.

Feel a refugee

2009-01-27T11:35:00.004+06:00

Human is indeed a weird creature. He can hurt himself and he can heal himself.
At times it feels like you are a refugee. A refugee, who is just a burden, nothing more, nothing less. No values he carries. No authority. Just he has been granted a wreck shelter and a few favors dumped upon. He has to take them all. To survive.
He can't speak. he is not supposed to. He does not worth a single word of love. He but a refugee. A burden. This feel comes at times. And it feels bad. Really bad.
You are refused a even one minute of celebration. You are reminded and re-reminded that you are just a refugee, granted few favors. Mind the limits or you will be banished from here too.
And you gulp the pain, accept the fact and live with the fear. You just try setting your love free and you are reminded. Again.

Truly
Abinash

Love the water way

2009-01-24T22:23:00.005+06:00

A guy became a confidant on me of late. He came complaining of her girl friend. That she is not caring at all. He does so many things, he cares so much, ONLY he does. And by far such a relation can't grow much as only he cares, he told. It aint fair at all, he doing all good, and he being all good. As he claimed. I gave a smile. And completely disagreed. Orally and mentally. Just one thought went through "they are not in love". Or might be they are yet to understand what love is. But I did not utter it. Not everyone can understand this. People just so confine themselves in their own irrational thoughts that if you try to penetrate, you end up hurting yourself. I said lets assume you care a lot more than she does may be double than her. And he looked amused with my this assumption. I just gave him a small example. Example of water. Whats water? He went on, water is life as taught in primary school. Water is the reason of life on earth. Its the most important compound on earth. Its The most abundant compound also. And yet its the most precious compound.
I smiled giving a nod of acceptance. He said all the benefits he gets from it, and for him what it is is defined by what it can do for him. But naturally he is human. And this is human. He missed the most important part, what it is made up of? Its 2 part Oxygen and one part Hydrogen. Oxygen may be the most precious and important element. Its takes two parts of this most important and significant element and just one part of the other not so significant element to build the most precious compound. Oxygen never complains. :) But that way it builds water. Had it ever asked for even two parts of hydrogen it would be Hydrogen peroxide. Rather toxic which can kill. Just opposite as water, which can give life.
Everything that is great has a unique combinations of things. Appreciate it. Realize it. You love her because she is what she is. Appreciate it. A slight alteration can potentially convert this nectar into poison. Understand. Do not doubt things, keep the trust up. Its the foundation of love. Know the rare blend of your love story. Its unique. And just fall in love with that. It worths it.

P.S.:Read with attention and u can find the obvious flaw. :)
Truly
Abinash

A dream

2009-01-21T22:42:00.005+06:00

She was standing right there. With a mild smile, looking directly into my eyes. A thin bunch of hair hanging over the right eye. Down till the pink lips. I moved slowly removed the hair like removing the veil with anticipation. Just to discover the most beautiful face beneath it. And the most beautiful heart beneath the face. I looked with admiration, with a sense of satisfaction. The smile was still intact. The love in her eyes, the warmth in her breathes. I raised my hand and put my fingers on her lips with elegance. The soft touch, the integrity of the pinkness. The desperation to speak the moment. The brimming words of love. Silent enough to be called quite lips. Loud enough to be called voice of love. A sound meant for the heart to understand. She moves a little with exquisite moves, breaking the silence of the moment. Her lips stuck close to the ear. The only voice audible remains hers. And the words like ever lasting, "I love you'.
And the alarm rings, I wake up, off the dream smiling trying to hold back to the dream. I move on to work the day. Still smiling. :)

Dimaag lagana mana hai

2009-01-21T20:59:00.002+06:00

Dimaag lagana manaa hai. So dimaag nahin laga rahe. :)

Just a little yaad

2009-01-18T19:51:00.002+06:00

Feelings are always weird. You never know how you would you feel until you feel it. The thought to be away and just be bonded by yaad feels good, when you know the away is not far enough to generate the sense of separation. But the same feel goes toxic when it feels separation. But I am lucky its not a separation for me. It can never be. I am assured. By her. And I trust, her. Always. She aint any far, I just close the eyes and feel her. With open eyes she lives in the pupils. Always reflecting in everything I see. She lives in me. As a part. Inseparable. When if separated the error in my life would be "Location not found for integral critical process, hazardous malfunction occured. System stopped working, responding. System will shut down."

The warmth

2009-01-12T22:36:00.002+06:00

The most warming sense is always a nonsense to others. The most warming sense would be the anticipating eyes, the marvelous smile, the heart filled with satisfaction on the day's first glance at her. But it's nonsense. To others. But I never share a self with anyone. No others. I continue to hold the warmth. Looking beyond the day.
I feel her completely in the images I create. I feel her soft fingers waving to me. I feel her expressive eyes speaking with her softness. I come out of the imagination. Just to find he is not all mine. I ma her in her personal world. I feel the irresistible desire to reach her. I see a bunch of worn out faces. Making all sort of preposterous acts like they are there to kill my desires and in turn hers.
I just move back to imagination safeguarding her smile and with the solace and asset that she loves me.

Truly
Abinash

A new smile A new day

2009-01-09T10:49:00.003+06:00

The first sight is always appealing. Gorgeous, bright and beautiful.
Like a blossoming flower, her eyes would open, with the curved eye lashes departing to make way for the glitter of her eyes enlighten everyone. The shinning hair neatly bound to reflect perfection. Confused she turns her head to search. To search her love, which her wondering eyes had dreamt of the whole night restlessly awaiting for the morning. Not to miss the first glimpse of him. The pink lips little moist desperate to render a smile at him. His eyes meets with hers. The moment stops. Stops for ever. The smile is rendered with purity the same artistic way petals are rendered on a blossoming flower. He lives the moment the whole day long. The next day brings in a new smile a new life.

Truly
Abinash

I am unromantic

2009-01-08T22:50:00.003+06:00

Now comes a doubt of doubts. After struggling with thoughts to find out an answer myself, when I failed miserably, I took refuse in internet and then correlated it with what perception I carried. Will juxtapose both what I found and what I thought here.
What is it "being romantic"? How to be?
Well the literally meaning would be like:
Adjective:
1. Belonging to or characteristic of Romanticism or the Romantic Movement in the arts
2. Expressive of or exciting sexual love or romance
3. Not sensible about practical matters; idealistic and unrealistic
Noun:
1. A soulful or amorous idealist

Well going by its meaning as an adjective, I certainly am not romantic. At all.
I am not part of any romantic movement.
I am not an expressive sexual lover
I am not unrealistic, non pragmatic thinker. Might be I am not a thinker at all.

So By definition I ma not romantic and I would want to be one.
Now after wondering over many sites and pondering over many facts, I guess they are facts (Please check Here ), Again I realized I never have any such compulsion to any of the mentioned things. Neither I would like to have these abilities in me. So again I am not romantic.
Then I wondered is it really so I ma not romantic, and i researched and bumped into this link, Here. Now as per this link yes I ma romantic. I am not monotonous. I love to say I love you. I never show any disregard.
I make my way of doing things, saying things. Never let go small things, as i just love every small things too. Well I am just not much sincere. I agree. Now thats single point does not disqualify me from being romantic.

This is what the result I got after the comparative analysis of being romantic with internet data. Now coming to my very own perception, it goes as below:

Being romantic is being honest at the first place. Honest all the time and keeping the dignity up all the time.
Its being in killing the ego, to let the person in your life, to understand the needs and desires of the person. Its about the honest care and the feel of longing that comes naturally. It in letting her feel that you love her, not just say it.
It in respecting her liberty. Its in being the most trustworthy person in her life. Its being in making her feel the most comfortable in the world like a child in mother's womb. Its in giving her the sense of belonging.
I always believed this is what is called being romantic. Never knew that the world perceives it differently, like in gifting a surprise on a special occasion as if not every day u spend with her is special. In following a hundred weird way to speak that you love her. In kissing her with out regarding her comfort. In giving a card or flowers on a meet and utter out few emotional nonsense, which will carry no values in the course of time.
Sorry I am not romantic. And I prefer not to be.
I can'y make my love the slave of few false acts. I declare I am unromantic. And I take pride in it.

The eyes

2008-12-26T11:28:00.004+06:00

"You deserve the best" she declared. Looking right into the eyes. I guess she was looking for her own image in my eyes. I don't remember taking breath, with my eyes transfixed into hers. Tiny black eyes, carrying thousand large dreams. The small droplet in there told the saga of love they carried. She loves my eyes she would say. I will smile, at her, at what she said. I wanted to speak with unbound emotion but restrained. I wanted to say, I don't love your eye. Only. I love the tiny black pupil where I find my self reside. Like a black pearl on a white fur. I love the small droplets that moist your eye just to magnify the beauty. I love the eye lashes curved to perfection, to protect the dreams. I love the way she moves her eyes in almost slow motion and I follow is all along. Not to let go even a single glance. Its precious to me.And she looks back, with the same reassuring love. Oh the pleasure. And I behold it for eternity.

Truly
Abinash

A morning magic

2008-12-25T18:55:00.008+06:00

The door is always kept ajar. The morning ray would stealth through it and awake me every day. I will wake up with half closed eyes. Half closed because the desire to get cozier under the blanket is too irresistible. Then the half open eyes take over the closed counterpart. Half open because it can see the morning ray, the golden stream spread across, my face. But then I prefer to hold back for a while. Hastily looking for the mobile just to see if an sms has beeped unnoticed. For its she who would take over my conscious mind inevitably. Her face will run through both my eyes. Closed and open. She lives in me, all the time. I will smile at myself. Try to recollect each word of the conversation we would have had the last night. Each word she had written I would try to hear with her voice speaking in my ears. I could almost feel her whispering. Her soft words touching me right at my heart. I forget its morning. I forget its wake up time.
I stay back. She filled in each part of my life.
Suddenly I realize I am already late for office. :)

Truly
Abinash

A trust I lost

2008-12-20T02:08:00.002+06:00

Not many times I do it. Not even once in a while. Last I felt my cheeks
wet, eyes closed, mind blank and lips trembling some years back on what I
don't remember.
Standing at the edge of the balcony, facing the chilly wind with bare body
gave a soothing pleasure as I felt the salty liquid on my tongue, running
all the way from the eyes, like a moist fountain coming to life. A respect lost, a trust lost. The birth of tear take the deaths of many. Trust, respect, smiles, love. To live is to stand by a code, a code of values. It was a great day till then. When suddenly it perished. Turned around staring right at my face, laughing at my helpless disposition. I felt nothing, no pain, no chill of the winter, no danger of falling, no sense of love, no sense of loathe, just a cord of apathy. I moved back. few steps to a safer position, to realize the fountain had died again. And no more I could feel the salty taste on my tongue. The mark of tear remained like a scar on earth's face by a dead river in a summer too hot to survive. The river succumbed, so as the tears. I moved back, smiled. Shrugged off everything in the hope tomorrow I will revive the day. The same way like yesterday and wont let the dark win. Never. I wont be a looser tomorrow. My lost faith was nonexistence. Its dead now, with the passing day. It will revive. It will reborn. I am not giving up. My trust and love will rejoice again. With sunrise, like the sunshine.

The fight, the smile and the day

2008-12-01T23:21:00.003+06:00

She usually does not speak. So I make things unusual to make her speak. In my way. Fighting over nonsense issue, or just nonsense to be more accurate. Complaining over and over on the same monotonous mistakes, or just an act to be more accurate. Pampering her. Always. Overriding her on every small things. They she speaks; she speaks with conviction. And I just stare on. Smiling. With the pretension to be listening to her carefully but no word would enter me. Just the soothing voice, a song for me, I get possessed. She suddenly finishes, her explanations. Deliberation to convince me. In vain. She knows I can only be self convinced. She even knows I don't listen her explanation. I am thoughtful she believes, when she speaks. But am not. I am actually thoughtless. For I am obsessed with something else. Her. Her smile. Here eyes.
The day ends we bid adieu. The next day comes for her the next morning. For me the last day never ends, it just gets little prolonged, little too prolonged. And I start my prolonged day in a dream as she starts in a reality. And it all happen again. The fight, the day, the obsession and the prolongation.

Truly
Abinash

New blog launched

2008-11-30T13:49:00.006+06:00

Hi All there,
Have created a new blog (http://amorphouscrystal.blogspot.com/) with first ever post in it.
It will contain analysis of current events of my interest.
Check it out Here

Truly
Abinash

An evening, with her and with nothing

2008-11-21T15:20:00.002+06:00

It was a silent evening. Little chill which can actually give the sense of warmth.
A little silence which can give the sense of calmness. People, the colors, the chill wind, the shinning lights, the starry sky and the full moon, rendered in perfection just to meet my imagination. I was restless to out reach myself. It was she who was waiting for me. I stepped up, and my eyes met hers. She was looking indirectly which was too direct to be resistible. Like always at her sight, my heart out pace itself, face became bright and the lips half open in anticipation. She remained calm and indifferent. Like always. I sat looking into her eyes. The bright face, the neatly done hair, the glow filled clothes, the weird nail polish, the smiling eyes. I wished I could behold them for ever, like this in a silent moment where it belonged to me. Only me. I took my eyes off her playing a stroke on my lips, almost a smile. I remained in the joy like my nerves had lost the apparent consciousness. Swam to and fro in that small moment I wish I could spend my life in that tiny space. I jerked back to reality, the noise playing a random symphony, the still image of crowd moving fast. And she looking away with the same indifference.
I smiled again. But It made all difference to me. To me it was few of the best moments for rest of my small life. To which she is indifferent might be.
And it was a time when anything meant absolutely nothing.

Truly
Abinash

Being outsider

2008-11-06T19:03:00.002+06:00

Its a weird feeling. The feeling of being an outsider or worst of being an intruder. Life is like sphere. Soap bubbles in the air.. fundamentally free but practically bound by gravity. And the miracles happen and these bubbles merge to create a yet bigger bubble, merging their life and merging their horizons. But there exist people like who just stay on, being just an on looker. And suddenly driven by this irresistible desire to bump into some one'e life, the sphere. By own choice. But as soon as you realize the other life has no value for your choice, you forget the choice was yours. It hurts then. It hurts in an unending way. You are left stranded, just looking at from outside, with no strings attached, by yourself. Like the bubble heading to merge but just collided and bounced back. Being outsider.
The sense is painful. At times too overwhelming to be circumvented and you just succumb to it.
You remain an outsider, or an intruder, with dying out desires and failed dreams. Half drowned wishes and gloomy smiles.
Still you are the driver of your own life, and you can drive the bubble away from the gravity of the other. Just moving on in the search of, may be, self.

My idle mind :)

2008-10-31T22:36:00.003+06:00

Well goes the well known adage "An idle mind is devils workshop".
I realized my idle mind is her workshop. :) Not idle actually to be honest. She is there in my working mind as well. Now its debatable when my mind is working and when its idle. Appreciate my honesty for it that I proclaim the confusing status of my mind. :) But almost every time I am conscious of my thoughts I find my self pondering on her. So not quite surprisingly my mind is mostly idle.
I see a lot of imagery and I am the director. But a director driven by the fantasies of her. The same familiar and lovable face with that I-can-die-for-it smile. The same way of looking from the corner of her eyes. The same way blushing when I smile back at her. And all at my personal space of mind.
I choose to be idle. I choose to be driven. I choose to be with her for ever.

Fire, light and smoke

2008-10-31T20:13:00.003+06:00

The sounds were screaming in my ears. The lights lighting my eyes. I could see smoke and noise around. People rushing form one end to other. Running off the spot.
The place soon became darker,as soon as the sound died out leaving only numb ears.
The place looked scattered. I could see a torn piece of cloth lying orphan in the fading smoke. The numb ear responded to the cry of a child who could hardly speak.
I took my eyes off it and put it back on the fire and the smoke. The light was deem and the smoke no more. Then the next instant it came all over again. A few steps far from the earlier. The fire, the light, the smoke and the ear numbing sound.
I was standing on my terrace looking down how the boys were exploding the fire crackers in joy in the eve of diwali. :)

Truly
Abinash

Still Lost

2008-10-30T22:39:00.002+06:00

In the late evening, or early morning. In the broad day light or in the night's darkest side. Amidst a million people or marooned in an island. The sense is as intense as its now. The sense of this shadowy feeling. The feeling of being lively.
A repulsive desire drifts me in an garbled fashion. And I feel lost. lost between dreams and reality. Love and rejection. Smile and frown. A node of yes and a node of no. A self too fragile and a self too strong. A life with her and a life alone. A day with her and a day in empty thoughts. A hope and a realization.
But all that remains is the fact I fell lost. I look too despicable. I jerk back to reality. I jerk back to now. Leaving the sweetness of the fantasies alone marooned in some isolation. Her being would clearly transit form reality to just a desire, from I reached her to I am lost. I jerk back to reality and I move on. Smiling. Still Lost. :)

Truly
Abinash

Of late is often too late

2008-10-19T23:31:00.006+06:00

The realization that comes in of late are often too late. The feeling of not being some one's first love or not being love at all. The sense of being pitied. The feeling of not being so charming. The sense of rejection. The worries of perpetuation. The declined happiness. The loneliness. The refuge in solitude. The sense that you are just as volatile at some one's heart who is as permanent and constant at yours. But things happen, like anything else. Things change and take different shape like everything else. Life is as weird as it is. And you at some point in future would look back at it, what you now call present. Then nothing would remain neither this pain nor this emptiness. But you would give a smile, just a smile at yourself. and you will move on. Thats life, strange, wild and deep. But some feelings that comes of late are never too late.. like the realization "even this will pass".

Truly
Abinash

Nagma-e-Sayari

2008-09-19T10:14:00.003+06:00

Of late I have got a growing interest on Urdu poetry.
A deliberated effort I to live upto the interest... few from my pen :)

Pyaar

Uff.. si ek awaz nikli,
jo tera deedaar hua..

humne bas tumhari taraf dekha aur
pyaar hua

saam ki angdai mein tasavvuur se baithe the
Jab tera khayal ayaa

kya tumhein bhi wo kasak hai bechein dil mein sawal ayaa...
---------------------------------------------
Kashak

ish kasak ko kya naam dein
kya naam dein is sisak ko

ishq ki fardoshi hai ya hai
nagma-e-Diwanapan

Gul bhi suna lage, lage bekaar gulistan
jitna zikra ho mehboob ka fir bhi lage afsana kam.
----------------------------------------------
Dard-e-Ish

"Chup rehneki meine sajaa hai pai.
zeeban main jaise khamoshi hai chai.
Dard mein zeena to humne sikhh liya,
Par dard kise kehte hain ye tum ne sikhai."
-----------------------------------
Kya khoya, kya paya

"Dard to bana he zeeban ka saaya.
Jo hume he khoya, wo tumne he paya.
Saath to tum kabhi the hi nahi,
Bas dhoondh si thi , use bhi humne suna hai payaa."
-----------------------------------
Manzeelein

"zeeiban mein manjilein to humne bhi paayi thi,
Par pata na tha in manjeelon par aakar hum rah bhatak jaayenge,
Manjil to khodiya ab to rah bhi gum gai".
-----------------------------------
Thokar

"Hum aansu to dikhaya nahi karte,
Kyun ki samjhne wale paas hua nahi karte.
Ise pyaar keh kar aapne bhi dhutkara...
Phark kya kai jab zamaane ne bhi he thokar maara."
------------------------------------

Hum laye hain tooofan kasti main daal ke - :P

2008-09-14T09:42:00.005+06:00

I love a master piece of a song from early 50's ("Hum laye hain toofan se kasti nikaal ke...", what I din't know was that it has got a Pakistani version from that time. Have a look :)
The Indian Version

Now having watched that, see the Pakistani version :)

FYI ....

2008-09-06T20:30:00.001+06:00

I thought of writing a poem. I wrote it. I wrote two infact. But was asked not to publish here. So am not posting them. Anyway.

Matlab ka sansaar

2008-08-27T10:29:00.004+06:00

Matlab ka sansaar ye hai matlab ka sansaar....
Sabkuch hai bekaar, yahan pe sab kuch hai bekaar.

Haani laabh ki tulna hoti, dukh ka hai byapaar..
Matlab ka sansaar ye hai matlab ka sansaar.

log bure, buri hai ye duniya, bura iska adhaar
Matlab ka sansaar ye hai matlab ka sansaar

Lahu se hori khel hai hota, hota hai deh byapaar..
Bol ka na koi mol yahan par, bas milte hain tiraskaar
Matlab ka sansaar ye hai matlab ka sansaar

Prem bhav jo machal uthe kahin, cheere use nafrat ka dhaar
Bhabnaon ki na koi kadra yahan pe, na hai wosulon ka koi bhaar
Matlab ka sansaar ye hai matlab ka sansaar

On true Love

2008-08-21T09:34:00.001+06:00

About Love

A whole lot of literature has been written, spoken and understood on the same constant topic LOVE. I am a minnow in the same. What do I know about it is too small might be. But What do I understood is honest and by self analysis, not from preexisting literature or gyan. I have had never experienced love ever before, till now what ever wittings I had published here on the topic was imaginary and not by experience. Here it goes what I had earned the hard way:

Love is feeling. A feeling of greatness and righteousness. Being self righteous is love for being self righteous enables you to choose between whats love is and what its not. Is it about pursuing it as if its a goal to achieve? Or is it in possession? I am afraid its not. Its about pursuing the fact or being righteous and gaining honest. Naked honesty. Its about respecting the values of the beloved. Standing by the commitment of the beloved. A commitment is commitment. She is not committed to me but the fact is she is committed. And I must respect this commitment for I love her. Love lies not is possessing the physical entity but in the courage to behold it even with out it. The materialistic possession of the body might give me solace but the solace of fallacies. Truth lies beneath it. I have to seek it if at all I love. I have to understand love lies in respecting guarding her respect and values not in sacrificing them for mere feeling of being master. The body dies with you even the values and even the sense of love. But what lives on is the re-definition of love bequeathed from era to era. And love for me as I have understood is in respecting her commitment and not in realizing my materialistic emotions. I am a mortal man bonded with emotions too but I have this curse of righteousness on me. I have to live by it. I still love her. I still. But the power of Love takes away the "I", "still" and "her" from it. All that remains is the virtue of LOVE. Till eternity. I love you. Still and till and until.

Truly
Abinash

Transition

2008-08-07T14:34:00.001+06:00

It was crowded like any other day. shiny cars
with beautiful ladies inside halting at the red
traffic light. And in the hustle of crowd people
running off the foot path to make a fortune
though tiny from this halted traffic of rich.
Except for one. The little boy, crying silently
on the footpath. Eyes just brimming with tear, yet
to come out. The silent cry lost in the noisy
engines. Bare body he did not care about how rich
these people are and how poor his fellow mates
are. All he cared about was about his need. He
needed care. Getting off the bike I went slowly
to the kid, asked his name but got two droplets of
tears running down the black chicks as answer.
At least I freed what he was holding back. Tears.
He didn't care even about me or my existence. He
ran back on the footpath till he reached a
distance he felt safe. Looked back at me. I
smiled, he cried.Again. And he vanished from my
sight. I could no longer hear the noise of the
engines nor of those rich man shouting on their
cell phones. It was a silent world for me. I was
waken back to the noisy reality by a traffic
constable shouting over my shoulder for my
license and why I have parked the bike on the
footpath. In almost slow motion I could feel
myself drifting from what I feel real to what
they feel real. From silence to noise. From
individual need to mass desire. From myself to
the political society. I went on.

P.S. It was on this Koramangala signal (near my

office) Tuesday morning.

Truly
Abinash

The half lit day.

2008-08-06T12:35:00.001+06:00

The shades are always half lit. Half lit is also half dark. You wake up appreciating the day. But the day does not always appreciates you. I asked for just a smile and what I got was a anything but a smile. I smiled but. The same way I used to. At least the same way I try to. The thirst of her smile remains a morning dream. Like looking for dew on a petal when sun is at the top. I take a look back on the figure which I can see quickly becoming a shade. For me. And a shade is always half lit. Half lit is also half dark.

Truly
Abinash

The conscious stupidity

2008-08-01T17:14:00.000+06:00

succeed in being smart. Walking down the busy road your eyes catch up to some one's style and almost in voluntarily you emulate it. Spontaneously. Speaking in a meeting you suddenly realize people are watching you and the action changes. The consciousness of the disposition becomes apparent. You are explaining something and suddenly you realize some one is listening to you.... the pitch changes, the ascent changes the words changes. Everything which was natural and unconscious (at least superficially) becomes unnatural and conscious(deeply). You realize you are behaving in a weird or stupid way, suddenly who console yourself with false assumptions. That can't be me. No my fault. At least not now.
And all these are conspicuous when you are with some one of opposite sex (I assume all readers are straight sexually).
Wonder of wonders The above logic applies most of the time on both or all the people involved almost making everyone conscious of everyone's stupidity.
But still it has been the way since ages and it will continue to be till ages. Kudos. :)

Truly
abinash

Let the letter go!!!!

2008-07-29T14:25:00.002+06:00

They all seem to be happy and excited in the start. The start was good. Slowly and steadily each one had their turn. To kill the excitement. The excitement turned into sarcasm and then to dull dismal spirit eventually to loathe. They all stood there frowning at each other as I looked on smiling. Fake sympathy flowed so rhetoric of commitments. The dejected faces and the hostile demeanor gave them that sinful bliss. Restless on the seat and the day through out they kept the topic on fire. "It's unfair justice to me" some one would say. I wondered if its unfair how come its justice? They rebuked they reproached.
An unhappy flow of living man gathered, and recited the anthem of false hood. I was asked if I am happy, I replied "Hum to nappy main bhi happy" (Come on let the letter go. U are happy. You are getting more than what you have. Reason to smile). It was the day we got the salary appraisal letters. :)

Truly
Abinash