A Lie....

And I am asked "What u want me to do?". I would think for a long moment and helplessly more untruthfull answer, what they want to hear and not what I want to speak. I do the same not for I am tired of speaking my desires or I conceal them in me. But speaking what they want to hear would eliminate the need to explain and it would be easier for them to understand. No reproach no condemnation. Just an unwanted approval and resistless acceptance.... may be this is the part I hate most. Thats why I hate it, I hate it all. I hate them, I hate them all. And then serendipitously I would find my thoughts being admired. My thought? But i have not spoken them, they are still unrevealed. I just givewhat they want and I take pride in my thoughts. Then this moment comes heavly repeated over every moment as the time passes at 1 hour per hour speed. I become an aimless fake. And end up being one Lie. A strong desire I hold is to loudly cry.

Truly
Abinash

"She was the eternity" - 2nd 69th word post

“She was there, looking through closed eyes with all those fantasies and imagination taking shape. Her fingers won’t move, her skin glowing as usual and though calm yet glittering the glimpse. He was standing by her, with eyes open but they had gone dry, like his soul. Her presence was the only thing which reassured her absence. And all remained was the unacceptable fact ‘she is DEAD’.”

Truly
Abinash

A decision of death or new start? the 1st 69th word post

“It was not for the first time., infact it has been happening since quite long. The same rejection, reproach and turned down thumbs. He was accustomed to all them. He mutilated the Résumé and threw up in the air. The only sound left echoing there was the last sigh and the blow of speeding train. He took the last look at himself and the train took him to another SEARCH.”

Truly
Abinash.

Intro to the Chapter called "The 69th Word"

Hi,
I am introducing a new chapter to my blog called "The 69th word" . U can serch for "The 69th word" tag for all writing under this cadre. How ever it will contain writings from all section, love life, fights, emotion, apathy, sympaty, planning, screwing up, crazzyness virtually everything. But the uniqueness is every wrting will exactly be of 69 words and the 69th word will be a decisive one. which will conclude the story. Lets see how far can I take this one.
C ya,
Truly
Abinash

Ek choti si love story - Part # 2

The e-mail neatly written on a flowery back ground containing all sort of flowery wordsand all cosmetics to give that extra impression. But only thing which I could not endure was the first word, it was beyond my tolerance. The address was “Hi Gopal”. I was not accustomed to this hi followed by my formal name. It would always be either “My sweet heart G” or “Darling G”, may it be a one liner mail or a fifty liner like this one. She would always call me G pronounced as “zeeeeee” or may be with a yet more prolonged e, long enough to give me the soothing pleasure and short enough that I would demand more. I could not hold my eyes any more and took them off, I found the corner of my eyes filled with two tiny droplets of the most transparent and innocent liquid called tear. It was involuntary, I could only know when the image before my eyes went blur and a sharp compulsion to close my eyes evoked in me. I gave in to myself and closed them, and it all came back as a fast flash back. The first day we met, was in an over crowded BMTC bus. I used to be in Bangalore those days and those daily struggling through the running crowd and stopped traffic to reach at work had made me robust to tolerate physical pressure with out any reproach. With a disgusting sigh I would look at every one who would look at me, and I would spend my flat 40 minutes journey standing and frowning.I hurried into the bus and some how managed to get a ten square inch place to stand on, I don’t remember if I was standing on some one’s feet or some one was standing on mine. And I started the same old style of pretending to make all those good looking girls fell the “I-am-not-looking-at-you” factor. But I knew it was false as I sneaked my way to grasp every single sight of their faces and some thing more too, in fact intention would be more than face. While doing so hands would automatically move to set the hair, just as a false try to convince myself it would make me look handsome. Then the half of the standing crowd got down at some stop and then I saw her glittering face, with the innocent smile and two dimples just to complete the perfection. A pink salwar with white dupatta, tight enough to give you the sense of her perfect figure. I continued looking at her until I found her looking back at me from the corner of her eyes. I don’t know why I took my eyes off her at once and struggled to show that looking at her was just incidental. But I don’t know whom I was trying to convince that notion, as I knew the truth and no one else was looking at me, may be it was for her. Then I looked at her again and just hardly a second had passed as she looked at me again with a stealth sight, but this time I decided look straight into her eyes. And we were eye locked. Later I figured out she was working in the office opposite to mine. Then I would often see her with her friends and colleagues, I knew she is as desirous to talk to me as I was to her but neither she would ever start nor I. I took it for granted that it was crush, just a mere infatuation the advanced phase of ogling. I could never know when this infatuation became love and the love became craziness. It was the juice center were I found her standing alone one day and I gathered all the courage, took some long breaths, had a final look of myself in a rear view mirror of a bike, adjusted my hair for that same false reason, tried to expand my chest little more with the belly taken little inside and moved closer to her. Later I thought all those process are there always whether you want or not, this is male psychology I suppose. Moving a little closer I said “Hi”. Spoken not in the usual way but like “Haaii”…. Just to show that was my style. She responded “Oohh Hi…. We met in the bus right?”. It made me uncomfortable, I was not ready for such a straight question. I fumbled and said..’ ya ya… right. You work with Infotech correct? 3rd floor raheja IT towers.” She was chuckling as she responded … “Ya but how do you know? You have any friend there?”. I don’t know where these mice come to you gut from, when you desperately struggle to be confident. And mostly while with a girl, a beautiful girl. “No no.. yes.. I mean, you know like, I mean its just that I happened to see you getting in there.” I spoke looking away from her. But I don’t know what my eyes were searching there at the ground. I fought with all my strength but my eyes would not move to look into hers. Then I was quite and she was too, she was looking away from me as I was looking at my foot with hands promptly in the jeans pocket, that was a habit. I said ‘what would you like to have?”, “No nothing just that… can we go for a walk if you won’t mind. I had my lunch just now so may be that would be a better idea.” She told what I held in my eyes ,throat and every where. I jumped off my feet just to end up looking funny. ‘Sorry actually I got excited about the idea of going for a walk.” I defended. “But that was nice.” She told with a blinking eye, slightly tilted head which made a small bunch of those silky hairs dangle by the left ear, moving freely in the air, I suddenly found myself comparing her that look with Aishwarya Rai, just to conclude that “Aishwarya Rai does not look that good.”. We went for the walk with each step we got closer as the distance in meter came down to centimeters. I did not notice when our hands had started to strike each other so lovingly that I could walk for the rest of my life like that. I falsely became an attentive listener as she spoke with all that zeal and like we have been talking since ages. How holy was the feeling, I thought, crystal clear like a flowing fountain, which drives away all that is unwanted, like the seamless blue ocean which would never keep anything inside and just like the endless sky, the more you look into it, the more it looks into you. I was not listening to any of her words, I was submerged in my own thoughts. She than said some thing, all I could here was the word, love , and you. I don’t know what she said but I replied, ‘Ya I love you.” “What? Again… what you said. Are you all right?” Then I realized she had not said “Do you love me?’. But it was something else. “Sorry actually.. I mean you understand… hhmm… I mean I was thinking something else.”. She smiled and I was gone again. But the sentence that followed the smile was eternal, “Buddhoo, I love you too.” I could hardly believe. It felt like, like…. Like what I am yet to figure out.I have reiterated this story to all my close friends more than a thousand times. Then everything continued and life felt like heaven, until the evening of that rainy day. It was pouring heavily I parked my bike in front of the CCD and we hastily got in… But just the moment I pulled the door open for her, I was numb. (Continuing…).

Truly
Abinash

Rage .. rage against the sublim self.

Something to answer a doubt of some one. Something to asset my creation and something to claim my creation as indigenous.
Here it goes....
Well I have always been a polemist, not because people accuse me of plagiarism but because they find my thought to challenge their human orthodox. But who is afraid of being eccentric, everything that is accepted and cherished today was eccentric some day. You learn that you are perfectly “you” only when your action is questioned, only when you’re self being is questioned. But it’s your vision, dreams, beliefs, credos and desires that bring up your self image. And this image is what we should always look up to. This is the image of our truest form, revealed only to us. And like a signature it reflects in everything we do and think. As a living men we are not indifferent to every emotion, we too like things and proudly at least I proclaim loudly things and people I love. I accept my shortcoming shamelessly. I am shameless as I love myself and as I love things my “self” loves. I don’t hesitate in taking humility neither in taking pride. That’s how I define life, a breakless wheel which is steered by only you and guided by people you love, who love you. That’s a life full of energy, enthusiasm, raw spirit, a desire to explore all horizons and courage to take new path.
"Sin is nothing, sin is brain,
Sin is something that makes me insane."
These are my lines for what is sin. Sin is an illusion, if u agree something to be a sin its a sin. Sin is a perception and not a judgement. Now the fact that being a second hander is sin or not I must say blatantly, every indivisual is a secondhander in one or other way. We are not the creators of everthing but we use them and change them with selfish authority. But one should have the guts to admit and respect other's creation, one must be able to say its his creation that driffted me towards my idea, its impossible to say "I am always self drivven", as the logic justifies if u r driven u need a motive and all alone u can't have a motive. Aas long as you don't betray your own self respect its no evil, its no sin.

#1 Chapter 1- Ek Chotti si love story

Hi!
It’s a part of my love story, a small love story. May be a boring one and ugly to you but beautiful to me. I am Gopal…. A simple guy with a high ambition, eye full of dreams and
heart full of love with a little space in it for every one who is my friend… eerr may be for those who hate me also. Confused? Don’t be I will tell you everything one fold after another unfolding all my life before you. So lets go on the journey.

CHAPTER # 1.

It was a rainy evening, I was sitting by the window, my hands resting on my knees and my head resting on my hands. Looking constantly to the falling drops or rain which would bring the sense of cold and beauty and take away the thirst of my desires. I was watching constantly not missing a single falling drop off the shaft. But to my surprise I found myself thinking of some one. I knew she was not there and why? Why should she be there? I was struggling my own thoughts and realized the fact that thoughts some times can be more painful than sword. A small piece of scrambled paper with something fuzzy written on it zapped on to my face by the healing cold air. Then I thought of the day, one month before all that happened, I felt the pain growing more intense and my eyes wet, the warm drops pouring down my chicks were easy to discern. I wished to hide it but my hand, but they would not move. I sat eyes closed and my head thrown back and everything replayed, each second.

6th October 2006, Minnesota , USA.

The half written letters, unsent mails, the unsent messages in the draft folder and the missed calls saved properly to thousand times see the date, time and the name. Just to imagine what I was doing while I got the message or call, what she might be doing when and thought of me, how she would have smiled while calling me and all that. It has been quite a few days that I had noticed she would not reply properly and was keeping little off as if we had just acquaintance and I was pushing it little harder to get closer and inadvertently she was avoiding this sudden overreach. But when ever I sent an e- mail … my heart will pace at the highest. Soon I would wait impatiently for the reply to come and the alert to ping at the right corner of my monitor, some time even before I click the send button my eyes would move involuntarily to the right corner of monitor for new mail allert. I would spend my days just logging in and logging off into my mail box and the Computer would be running whole night. But no reply comes as the date changes on the calenders, as morning slips into scorching noon and then gloomy evenings. Next morning I would be the first to reach the 24 hour open computer lab. I don’t know why they made it 24 hour open but I took the most of it may be I was wasting time but I would spend sleepless night just waiting for the mail to come. Some times before the lab would opens I would take tours around it. As soon as it opens I rush in just to find my mail box empty. After a number of frustrating failure anticipations I would finally get a reply. My heart beat goes up with anticipation. It just takes 10-15 seconds to open the mail, in this brief time my mind makes all the jumbled permutations and combinations of words and feelings, regarding what she might have written. But every time I will find only a 5-6 liner reply to my 100 line e-mail. While struggling with words to give my mail that X-factor I just feel I have a whole lot of things to say even more than the words on the morning news paper. Now this latter… half heartedly written with no attention to the punctuation marks and all words in small letters. I just take it for granted that her key board’s shift key might not be functioning and she must have written hastily. But that would be just a self imposed consolation which goes in vain. But it was a snowy morning of November when I got this mail from her, my very own “Preeti” … yup that’s the name that runs as screen saver on my lab computer. It was a 50 line mail which contained 13 full stops, 10 commas, all the first letter of sentences in caps and 413 words as a whole. I remember because I had read it more than I had read my own name occurring at different places at different instances over the years. This was different and weird…. I was taken aback …. Just from the first line itself.. (Continuing).

The Introduction to "Ek chotti si love story"

Hi this time I am introducing a character which would take to his journey of love story. His very own story, some thing he lived. Here on This chracter will tell u a part of the story like a Saas/Bahu TV serial in a break up structure. Later I will add some images too. So Ready to be a part of "Gopal's" Love story.... This character is a totally imaginary creation. It has nothing to do with any one. So gear up.... to taste the sweet and the sour.

Feeling Blue....

Its the rythem. Its the sound of my heart beat and the fluent movement of my agile fingers on the black key board. Then their is the sound of the wind and the CPU fan. All are well timed, well synchronised and well formed. They made sense and I wondered how I never noticed it. These are the sounds close to me that I don't share with anyone. These are more pleasing than the six strings. Then the current goes out and the only thing glowing the whole area ia my computer and my glowing face with the reflection. My slow movement of my eyes, not coherent with the thought. The mind is thinking something, the heart demands something and the eyes are stuck to something else, all are randomly set. BUt there is a common cord, all are mine. I feel the proud, I feel the ineer glow. I got up from the seat making the number of B'Adams more audible. I walked directly to the window moving my face rythemically with the danglling window screen, like a wave in the wind, the slow soothing wind. I breathed deeply once and smiled, the smile was necessary I thought. In fact the smile was the only thing necessary at that moving, more needed than my breath. I could feel it. Then my long fingers involuntaryly went up to touch my eyes as if the new born wonders to see the action of its hands. My incoherent thoughts assembled and I jumped back. I felt a strong desire to cry and laugh. I wanted to be crazy as crazy as I am .
I was standing alone like the lost jigsaw puzzle of a single piece set. I liked watching my mobile. Willing it to ring. I thought I've broken words and hearts of course And absolutely no remorse! I struggled to make my thought ryme. Its a habit I thought this breaking things and needless rhyme now that I thought I almost had it there. Bang it goes and stops that flow fine! The current was back and with my eyes semiclosed in pain of light. The sudden leap from the dark to light was intolerable. Then I thought I am intolerant but I always wanted to be. I wanted to be cared, being the point of discussion, being loved and mostly to be social, which I am not.

Truly
Abinash.

Adarsh Prem By Dr. Bachchan

प्यार किसी को करना लेकिन
कहकर उसे बताना कया
अपने को अपर्ण करना पर
औ‌र को अपनाना क्या

गुण का ग्राहक बनना लेकिन
गाकर उसे सुनाना क्या
मन के कल्पित भावों से
औरों को भ्रम में लाना क्या

ले लेना सुगन्ध सुमनों की
तोड़ उन्हें मुरझाना क्या
प्रेम हार पहनाना लेकिन
प्रेम पाश फैलाना क्या

त्याग अंक में पले प्रेम शिशु
उनमें स्वार्थ बताना क्या
देकर ह्रदय ह्रदय पाने की
आशा व्यर्थ लगाना क्या
-----------------------------
By Dr. Harvansh Rai Bachchan.

The nothing ness....

"In the beginning, this (universe)was the self alone, in the shape of a person. He reflected and saw nothing else but his self. He first said, "I am he". Therefore, he came to be known by the name "I (Aham)". hence, even now when a person is addressed, he first says, "it is I", and then says whatever other name he may have

-----Brihdranyaha Upanishad.
--------------------------------------------------
All around me are familiar faces Worn out places,
worn out faces Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell youI find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, veryMad
WorldMad world

-Gary Jules
----------------------------------------------------------

" The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again."

---- Troy.

If I could be a hero....

If I could be hero, if just for one day
If I could be that courageous just for one day.

If I could be fearless and valiant just for one day
I wish I would be the man I wish to be.

If I could look direct into the Sun, just for one day.
If I could swim across the oceans, just once,
I would be the man I want.

If I could conquer the lands and win myself,
If I could jump from the mountain and walk on fire,
I wish I will be the man of my desire.

I wish my arms would be of steel and my heart rock solid,
I wish I could see the Gods and the sprits,
And my wish would come true
Being myself I will never rue.

The new unit of Time...

The time is flying. I don't know how fast but its flying. In this course my random incoherent thoughts stopped as I took a peek at the wall clock which also shows the date. Date? " Huh.." who on earth remembers the dates!!!! Its all the days now: Mon to Sun. And I believe we count the days just because we awaits for the beautiful Friday evening. On Monday morning its nothing but more kind of a new variety of count. Neither a count down nor a count up but a "Count through" for the upcoming Friday. And that how now I cope with this flying time. When I was in the school I remember counting time by periods. One day would be 6 periods, and with every passing period a day used to get shorten. Then I became little older and dates would soon become the counting unit. But it couldn't last long.
Then the engineering career the 4 years. Where we counted a year as two semester. With one semester half year ended. And a semester became the unit of time for 4 years, of course we had few shorter units like mid-sems which would account for half of a semester. Then this corporate life.... now the unit is "week". A month is no more a collection of 30 days on an average but a month is of 4 weeks. Each week is calculated with days and days are of 2 half. 9-1 the first half and 2-6 the second half. The week ends, the month ends and with this ends a year. I become one year older or say one more year closer to my death! what ever that aint the point of discussion. I just wanted to express my bewilderment of this changing unit of time.
Now a week does not seem long may be because a week accounts for a very small proportion of our age, while a period seemed very long in school may be because the proportion of a week to our present age is less than the proportion of a period to our child hood age.

Murder of a Cricket team

At last BCCI finished the autopsy and the fact is revealed that the death of Indian team had been due to semi murder and semi suicide. How? The 50% murder was done by chapell. And the suicide is of course the poor performance of the whole team. And when this murder and suicide attempt occurred at the same time the whole rotten episode was played.
Now the BCCI has put constraints on the endorsement. But seldom they understand a check on endorsement won’t help but it will worsen the situation.
Dhoni stormed into the limelight and became hero overnight. It was then that he became the poster boy for the The Cricinfo Guide to International Cricket 2007 by Steven Lynch.
The cricketers as well as the public knows number of endorsement agreement is directly propertional to the players performance. So when some one does not look handsome on the wicket, it means he is loosing the deal. On the contrary these ad deals are motivational factors which would lead a man to do better. Now with this cut in match fee and endorsements, as of now it seems it will work negatively. Moreover to be the brand ambassador of some company is a personal choice so BCCI does not have the right to check the personal interest. It may act as boomerang on BCCI. Only coming time to tell.
Now all we can understand form the aftermath of World cup is only the team and the public has the eye to see chapell’s fault. All the way chapel called his baseless experimentations as “PROCESS” which was ambiguous through out with out and goal and invested zeal. The so called process had to phases along with a branch phase.

PHASE 1: Drop a man- pick him back- drop him again-pick him back.
(N.B In this phase of the “PROCESS” players are tested for the stress tolerance against the insecure place and playing off and on.)
PHASE 2: Shuffle the batting order and the bowling order like u r playing cards.
( N.B during this phase of the “PROCESS” the player is tested for the capacity to act like second god…. Come on I respect god so gave him 1st place. See the man must be able to come down at any point of the game and should be capable of doing miracles of hitting 10 sixes at a stretch.)

The special Branch phase of the “PROCESS” was the open rows between the players and the coach. Going to press and then finding fault in everything.

This is how the team was slow poisoned with the “PROCESS”. But to the utter astonishment the process never included any strategic planning. No action in transforming the ‘defensive fielding’ to ‘attacking fielding’. NO planned strategy to handle different teams at different wickets and weathers.

This is how the 50% murder was done at one go. Now the suicidal part: the players are the one who are actually expected to perform. Now taking into account the background of the players none have emerged as gifted. All of them have worked hard to reach the height. Now given that, it is obvious to expect them to do well regardless of all these strategic incompetence and sick coaching. After all “you r a bats man and the only goal is to hit runs from the bat” with this motto in mind no bats man played. Same with the bowlers. So they forgot their own motto just to screw up them selves in the fake hype and finding faults. But they are too not all responsible its rooted in Indian culture. Any where we are the first to break the rules. We are the first to forget all the efforts and the fact we-are-not-risk-taker is taken for granted. It is evident in Indian way of fielding.Only two way to save Indian cricket :God comes and save sit or the players understand their motto.

Life a view...

We live, we eat, we survive, we grow, we love, we war, we entertain, we reproduce but what we r human for is "WE THINK". We think to accomplish all these activities. We think to think even. We r bonded to each other. In this transient world we choose our relation ship, we choose the longevity of the relation. We the living r in actual terms dead. What is wrong if I would say we r a different species of deads making a different class of our own. We too follow a monotonous and classical protocol. We seldom thrive to use the ultimate human qualities viz. courage, creativity and reasoning. We r born unique but we die a copy ! Through out our life we try following others doing what has already been done and following an already created way. We never try reaching new heights, unleashing new horizons. We live in but in a dead way, wrapping our all strengths under the coat of fear.
We claim the world is changing century after century. The change is only constant and the acceleration of change is accelerating. But when we take a close look we find it was an illusion. Actually we r looping in a circular path, like the ageing process. We create then destroy, we claim then blame, we create boundaries then we circumvent. What we do is we struggle our self, we struggle with our own thought and we struggle to convince our selves that life is real but is it?? We make relations; we love , we love to take pain for our love. We presume we can't survive with out them. But when they depart still we love; we love their memory, time continues and life goes on. Nothing changes except few of our behaviors. Its not because we adapt but because some how we know we r in the loop, we will be back to that point some time. That's why life goes on .

Truly
Abinash

Analogy!

Great genius Albert Einstein proved this world to be a relative one following some rules of relativity and having some constraints. Hats off to that visionary genius.
It sounds paradoxical that the non physical things r more relative than the physical substance. We assume some one to be an intelligent person with respect to some one. We say some one is good relative to another. All these mental attributes r relative. So we and our thoughts r also relative.
We say a point is something which has no dimension and hence we can't put a definition for it. But we define a straight line as an one dimensional collection of points. Points?? But have not we just concluded that point has no definition; how come we can define something as a collection of something which it self is undefined. Isn't that weird. Again we say a plane is a collection of these points spreading infinitesimally. How come? If something has no dimension how can we assume its collection would make any sense? Worth's some thinking.
Now come to human attitude. We will make a geometrical analogy of it. If we r single minded and have a single character it hardly make any sense like a point but if we have a collection of such characters then is will be like a straight-line. But compare the straight line with a plane .....the straight-line is blank isn't it? So we still need to be versatile and have more firm characters to make some sense. But isn't a plane blank as compared to the 3-dimetional cube; yes its blank. That means there is not a limit to the point we can grow our character attributes. To make us mark able we need MULTIDIMENSIONAL growth of CHARACTER. Then only we r distinct .
So, we can conclude 2 points from the above analogy.
1) We need to grow in multiple dimetion with multiple abilities to match up life's indefinite requirements.
2) And most importantly we must not neglect any event or any thing because its small. the point is that it has some significance, up on which we can build on. Like a small dimensionless point builds a straight line which in turn builds a plane and ultimately the plane build the cube which is full.

Truly
Abinash

ddddd

The small photo here....

Is man Good or Bad in born????

Yesterday while discussing (ok.. ok... arguing) with on of my friends a weird topic came out and prolonged our so called discussion for 1 more hour. The topic was "Is man Good or Bad?". Thats as a creature man has always been enjoying the self proclaimed victory over earth and the superiority to all other living beings. Now we decide whats good and whats bad. But the question is when we are born.... what is our moral status. Do we posses a conscience by birth. Are we "The Man" good and ethical by birth and only this society and circumstances makes us evil???? I strongly disagree. In my point man is evil by birth. When we are born we have only one thing known to us "destruction" and anything that is bad. In fact its the society where we learn what is good and this bad-man suppresses. Not convinced? Ok look into it this way...
We say a baby is the purest form and knows only good as it is unaware of the maya and is indifferent to materialistic possession. But thats where this theory has the largest flaw and fails. A baby is the true sinner.
Point 1) Consider a child which knows nothing, not even how to speak and not what is death and what is construction or destruction. And here a butterfly comes which fascinates our baby. No sooner the butterfly comes to its reach, the baby catch holds of it just to mutilate it in to torn pieces and a life ends. Now the child does not know killing is bad but some thing some basic instinct worked inside which encouraged him to mutilate the butterfly. Had man been ever good by birth then the default instinct should be constructive instead of destructive. Give a new toy and its gone in no time. When man is born it has one instinct in him "evil", which knows destruction. But in flow of time, the social rules teaches us that we should not listen to this bad in us and we start to suppress it.
Point 2) Say you are alone and you know no one is there to see you. Then what is the action that first strikes to mind? Its the weirdest fantasies that we try to realize. Most of the times we feel the overwhelming urge to do anything that has been taught as bad.
Point 3) Teach a baby how to write a letter it will take much effort. But teach him how to break a pen it won't take ant effort. Any one adult or child to take very less time to learn anything thats bad. Because we have a hidden interest for it. Our inner self is slanted more towards bad then good. Accept it or not. Thats the truth.
This is the real bad that resides in us, in each of us. But we misunderstand to conclude that man is good by birth and only this society makes a bad out of us. But alas! only the reverse is true.

I loved you till dawn...

I loved you till dawn,
I was in crazy love waiting for sun.

In the peaceful bliss I chased your shadow,
Just to get abandoned in the middle of woods.

Then I searched for your smell,
To look into the bright eyes and behold you as my dream.

I ran again beyond the sun, beyond the sky,
I searched the heaven, the mountains and the oceans.

I searched your shadow everywhere;
just to find you in my heart,

With sunrise and the murmur of birds,
I wake up and find you sublimed in my dreams in eternal past.

The sun is in your side, the day is in your side,
But the moon and nights are mine.

Then I love the night and dark for they are my very own,
Every peaceful night in the dreams I love you till the dawn.

Truly
Abinash

Some times.....

Sometimes I become empty like a moistureless cloud,
Which can give a motion, a beauty but no rain.

Sometimes I become a featherless cuckoo,
Which can sing, entertain but can’t fly.

Sometimes I become a stopped fountain,
Which has water, sound but can’t flow.

Sometimes I become someone,
Which has life but not me.

But then times are there,
When I become what I want.

I become a dancing sea,
Which has energy, motion and unseen beauty.

I become a mountain,
Which is gigantic, unmovable and unfathomable.

I become a true man,
Who has a soul, a goal and the will.

At last I managed to become me

Bye,
Truly
Abinash

Well if any one wants to leave any comment on any writing. Including the earlier ones. Then please click on the comment link below every writing and write your comments.

absolute madness

Times are crazy and people are strange,
I am locked in tight, I am out of range,
I used to care but things have changed.

These words give a lot to think on. It may be the socialized version of men or about the one who enjoys the solitude. But it gives a hint about absolute madness.
What’s "Crazy" is about? Its about the dare to be different. We all are crazy in one or other way. We are insane deep with in. We have hidden desires which we never fail to execute or at least fancy when we are alone, with company of none. While alone mostly we are mad, or our general behavior is kind of crazy. But in real term that’s the real we. We are not crazy as it is understood but we are free and feel a sense of security. Logically we can derive, when we feel free and secure we are the true we and we may behave like crazy people do. But taking a deep thought we can find actually in this society we live with fear, and a parasitic happiness where we depend on others to be happy. So who is crazy the man who doesn't care what others would say when he passionately believes in his imagination, thinking and vision or the one who are always driven by others desires and reactions. Being crazy is a freedom from this social bondage and slavery. This social slavery is like a self imposed suffocation which makes us breathless just because people don't want us to breath. A crazy man can cry when he feels like, laugh at his will, try all the things we will never dare to and he is freed from the fear of failure or death. Isn't that a state of salvation. Isn't that a true freedom? But we the intellectually correct and high sounding people are not crazy. Pity that we are not crazy, we can't be for it takes absolute courage to be in absolute madness. But we live relatively depending on others.

truly
abinash

I want to now you!

All I need to know is you.
What all that you try,
what makes you laugh and cry.
I want to know your dream,
I want to shout and scream.
What makes you happy and sad,
where you are good and bad.

All I want to know is you.

LIfe Sucks.....

Hi,
What I discovered is: "Birth is easy, death is even easier but what is difficult is LIFE.". Life sucks here. I am frustrated, annoyed and irritated. The vehemence of denial is irresistible and I am unable to endure time. The sense of bondage is killing. But can't help. Thats why life sucks and I want to walk away from it as quick as and as soon as possible. I am helpless. I am unable to help myself. Oh God.....
Any way I am taking a off to go home tomorrow. May be it will heal me a little and rescue me form this unbearable pain. The sole feeling of going home is keeping me alive these days and the sole feeling of my spiritual guides keeps me going. I owe my life, success and anything that is good to them. Will write when come back from home.
Bye
Truly
Abinash

A Life of faith....

In this eventful path of life we all face cross roads which demands firm decisions. Many a times we are troubled by the turbulent force of unknown. And then many of us give up or shout help. But if u can’t solve your problem and u can’t make decision for ourselves then how can anybody else? We loose hope; we take fall as fail and every error as uncorrectable. But few man show guts and they start off after every fall with more courage and hard work just to set an example that falling is not failing. This strength does not come from outside neither from emotion. It’s an inner strength which comes from love and faith, the faith in self and the almighty. This faith gives the raw courage to achieve the unseen. It’s the best healer and the most powerful therapy. It re-enforces the dream and the source. A faith is miracle, a faith itself is godly. The undisputed world cycling champ LANCE ARMSTRONG had set a new milestone with his miraculous comeback after a deadly disease. He came, won and showed the power of faith ( See: The Autobiography “Its not about the bike; my journey back to life by Lance Armstrong. ). Then on he runs the Armstrong Foundation which does many charities a part of that is the bands we wear with caption “Live Strong”. This is the power of faith.
Faith originates from hope and is enforced by commitment. The more we are committed the more we are faithful. The more we commit the more we love and love nurtures faith. Love is a supreme force and the only way for God realization. The power of love and faith is articulated by many Yogis. From faith originates the power of will. At will power man can do anything virtually anything. Even willfully when u command the sun to rise it won’t rise. ( For more on will power and faith and yogic miracles read “ Autobiography of a Yogi” by Paramahansa Yogananda ).
All these yoga and everything has a common motto; a better life and a better place to live in. God can be realized and served in mainly three ways according to Vhagbad-Gita:
1. Kriya Yoga
2. Dhyana Yoga
3. Karma Yoga

Kriya yoga is something practiced by devine yogis and saints to achieve god through self realization. It ignites the power of Kundalini in the human body and gives supreme force like materialize a single body in two forms.

Dhyana yoga is practiced by Rusis of ancient eras. The “Kothar Tapasya.”

But what about us the people with this earth with families and other responsibility. We have Karma Yoga. Which is nothing but the practice of godly qualities like honesty, benevolence, dedicated work, prayers, love and the will to change things in the right direction. This sense of righteousness gives courage and enlightens us with knowledge of self. It gives us faith. Such is the power of faith and love. Lets love and have faith in the infinite.

Kuch cheezein... paaya hun

kuchh cheezein samet kar laya hoon
aise hi bin dhoondhe jinhe main paya hoon
kuch aisee cheezein jo bekaar si hain
kuch aisee cheezein jo darkaar si hain

kuch cheezein jalne-jalanewalee
kuch cheezein palne mananewalee
kuch cheezein jo bas rukee rukee har pal dilko satanewalee

kuch cheezein man ko lubhanewalee
kuch cheezein raaz chhupanewalee
kuch cheezein jinse shuru hueen
koi kahani manpasand sunanewalee

kuch cheezein jinse khud darr jaun
kuch cheezein jinse auron ko daraun
kuch cheezein jinko dekh dekh apna aur jagka darr bhagaun

kuch cheezein jo hain chhoti chhoti
kuch cheezein jo hain moti moti
kuch cheezein jo hain anant nashwar
na hain woh koi kharee khoti

kuchh cheezein samet kar laya hoon
aise hi bin dhoondhe jinhe main paya hoon
kuch aisee cheezein jo bekaar si hain
kuch aisee cheezein jo darkaar si hain.

By:- Surya Mishra*; I loved it so posted it.
* My brother, friend, guide, mentor and some one I love.

We and the People....

What I have learned over the years is Joy is the purpose of life. Joy in everything even in pain. And now we live for it. We try finding joy in what ever we do but seldom we take a look back to find if its really the kind of joy we wanted. We live in a "lower middle class" country India. Most of us like me hails from lower middle class back ground. In course of time we begin to earn and spend. We rise from lower middle class to middle and then to upper class making a cluster of our own. And then the joy comes again... we spend time with friends and say we find joy in all these. But what we do really is we spend money more than time and find solace that we "can" spend so much. This can factor ignites a proud: a feeling of vague joy. Every morning I set out for office I see few men/women on the road side collecting garbage from drains and fields. I find them wearing the same torn and dirty dress and the same bare foot. I find them unaware of the term "beauty". I find them with un-oiled hair with pre mature grayish color. But they don't beg.. they earn a living that way. I don't like beggars for they never posses a self and always wait for favors. But these men who work but never grow, sleep but never dream, survive but never live, what about them? Consequently their children who never find the privilege to educate them selves and work in the same drain where they were born. What is their fault? They are faulty for taking birth? Are they faulty to have parents who can't find even one time meal? What is their fault? But when we pass bye we reward them by speaking out some monosyllables: "oohhh".." bechara"... "aahaa".... etc etc. But we never don't understand they have not begged our sympathy, they have not ask us to think about them. But what we do is just this "professional sympathy". Thanks we find joy in everything we do. But are we worth of this joy? we forget the hard work our parents do to put us on the frontier and to give us the ability to rise to the upper class. But in case of most of the Indians the parents themselves are unable to live what they can get for their children. It becomes our social and moral responsibility to understand their needs and give them the right scope to live and grow. Many those are in the orphanage live a healthy live with access to education. But these fellows even they have parents can't find time to play, to educate, to eat, to think of health and ultimately to live. Only thing they do is "struggle to survive every day". When these days would go? God has not done this as an evil or a mistake. Everything is done in purpose. It is just that God has given us the opportunity to carry on his task. To make his creation a better place and to make people realize of his divine existence. So how far we realize our task and how far we are motivated to carry on our responsibility? A big question indeed.

My Idiosyncrasy.....

This is my idiosyncrasy. My way of projecting my self. Its my codes unchanged.
Things have changed since I had taken a last look at me. The changes are awful! A dream remains unachieved and I have too lessened working hard for it; can't find a cause "why". An attitude yet to be updated and a behavior too bad. I used to be very caring and sympathetic, but now I find I hardly care. I have changed! I don't why I am deviating from my objective. But its true something is dragging me away or is it me who is drifting away???? I am yet to find the cause and fix it. But one thing that I find unchanged is few of my behavioral aspect. I am never good at talking at social occasions. I just don't know how to react and how to laugh at things which u may not find funny. I don't know how to wittily handle peoples comments. I don't know how to go on discussing which u don't find interesting. I don't know how to discuss someone else (may it be good or bad). And this remains the same. Recently I visited one of my friends as she was leaving Bangalore but I found I am wasting their time. I felt like i am alien and I could not go on laughing at few things I don't find funny. But they are my good friends and I like them. But still I was unable to maintain a fairly good talking. And I ended up seeming rude and grave though I tried hard to be as polite as possible. Actually many people misunderstand this to be my gravity or proud but sincerely speaking I am never grave. Instead I am very natural and I feel great to have free and open ended discussions. I never see any one is inferior or superior. But I am always misunderstood. An das a general habit I don't give explainations usually and I just stay as a negative and misunderstood man in many people's mind. Can't help it.
Any way I need to change a lot and that too I have to get the earlier version back for few aspects.
Any way I thought I should jot it down so wrote it.
Bye
Truly
Abinash.

I will write on Saturday.

I wanted to write manythings now but I have to wait till saturday.
Anyway I will certainly put some good stuffs then.
Bye.

My Apology

What else can I do,
In life I have friends quite a few.

I fight them for the good,
I don’t regard their mood.
In me they find an enemy
But my friendship is always true.

I can’t stand no blame,
It hurts to burn in the flame.

My eyes are dreary,
I am no prodigal,
Am sure I do.. but It makes me weary.

I can’t give nothing,
But all my apologies.

I used to care,
when friends were fair,

I wish time would change,
And I may (be) back in the range.

I would fight with my reckless dare,
Oh, time would come when I will learn to care.

Now all I give is
My apologies.

----- By Abinash Sarangi

Abandoned Love.... By *Bob Dylan

I can hear the turning of the key
I've been deceived by the clown inside of me.
I thought that he was righteous but he's vain
Oh, something's a-telling me I wear the ball and chain.

My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost
He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
The Spanish moon is rising on the hill
But my heart is a-tellin' me I love ya still.

I come back to the town from the flaming moon
I see you in the streets, I begin to swoon.
I love to see you dress before the mirror
Won't you let me in your room one time 'fore I finally disappear?

Everybody's wearing a disguise
To hide what they've got left behind their eyes.
But me, I can't cover what I am
Wherever the children go I'll follow them.

I march in the parade of liberty
But as long as I love you I'm not free.
How long must I suffer such abuse
Won't you let me see you smile one time before I turn you loose?

I've given up the game, I've got to leave,
The pot of gold is only make-believe.
The treasure can't be found by men who search
Whose gods are dead and whose queens are in the church.

We sat in an empty theater and we kissed,
I asked ya please to cross me off-a your list.
My head tells me it's time to make a change
But my heart is telling me I love ya but you're strange.

One more time at midnight, near the wall
Take off your heavy make-up and your shawl.
Won't you descend from the throne, from where you sit?
Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.

... Bob Dylan, Bob Dylan born in 1941 in Minnesota USA is one of the revolutionary writers who has written many hit songs which even got political influence in USA in those days of 1960s.

Hoo-Haa-India....

It was the 2003 world cup and India was shining. But there they made a wrong move by going for the New Zealand series while on the brink of the world cup. Now its 2007 world cup and India is again at a wrong place SA while just on the brink of the world cup. It seems India is repeating the same story but with just a little difference. Last time their temperament was high and it lead them in to the finals but this time every one is skeptical if they would make it to even the quarters? So it has been a tradition for India to be the wrong place at the wrong (or even right does not matter) time. Well if we make the analogy of the world cup with a D-Day in a student’s career then we can find what is needed the most is
1. The same or even more enthusiasm and Motivation.
2. More practice few mock tests and more practice on weak points.
3. Getting the resources
4. Hard work
5. Guidance And when the final day comes closer what is more important is

And on the D-Day what is more important is Stress management, zeal to perform and the patience and perseverance.
Similarly in cricket we develop a team with each player motivated to perform their best despite all adversity. Then the planning and strategies and the right leadership comes into picture. We find a guide in the name of a coach, and all these hard work. Then practice and the mock matches like the ongoing series.

But the Main Problem

The real problem lies in the fact that the Indian team should concentrate more on the practice and getting over the weak arrears like the poor bowling and fielding but what they are doing is they are playing too many matches and giving least importance and time to over come the hindrance they found in the earlier matches. They don’t invest time for Problem Solving but For problem Finding. So many of the problems persist and even escalate.

Most of the players don’t seem motivated for winning and it’s a problem that lies in the grass root of many others.
Just because of this lack of motivation they struggle to give effort towards the goal, winning.
So what we need desperately is consistent and motivated players and not just temporary performers.

We have to accept stress management does not come naturally to Indians. So we have to develop it by practice and work. We have to make it an attitude but not a single of our players seems to do so. They just give in to the situation and never fight back with a motive of winning. If we miss the first ball, we can never hit the second one and correspondingly it becomes a chain reaction of failures; this is the mind set almost all of the players pursue. Least they understand its always better to give it a shot at the best because if they don’t it will never happen any way but if they do at least there is a slim chance.

We are negative inherently as we see a half full glass to be half empty. But then we override it with our reasoning. But on the field it seems players never miss to see a half won match as half lost. So how come they win??

Down To Earth Reality

Now let’s look into the down to earth problem which is more superficial and can be invoked as short term changes.
1. Team selection and management
2. Getting accustom to playing conditions.
3. The clear hindrance of easy money and fame.

The current Indian team is ……….(TEAM NAME GOES HERE.).
Now with only 2 experience players and all others new does it seem they are ready for the world cup? This is the weakest team India has ever witnessed. But Why all these worthless experiments just before the world cup? We could have done it much before the season. The performance of the players are very poor. Raina has an Average of only 26.34 while he has already played 35 ODIs. Now is that the batting figure an ODI player should carry? Then why he is still in the team? Middle order seem to be dilapidated with Dinesh Mongia. He has never performed when it was needed but still no one has bothered to find a remedy.
The Indian cricket is highly influenced by politics and the internal disputes. The only thing they can leave over if they continue to be political is a good topic of case study for the coming generation management students.
Saurav Gangully whose individual records are very bright and comes second only to Sachin Tendulka in India is dropped out of the team. He has been the most successful Indian captain in foreign ground. He has got the second highest no of centuries and more than 10000 ODI runs just in 283 matches. But he is a victim of politics and he is out of the team. The coach is very bright as an individual and was a great cricketer but he never made a good leader. He has not resolved the differences but only escalated them and certainly that’s the opposite of what leadership accounts for.
Playing balls on a fast track and on the front foot is not natural for Indians. They are accustomed to slow and dry pitches of India. But the Caribbean wickets are hard and bouncy so its going to force the bats man to play in the back foot. And especially for Indian it will be problematic as they are not good at bounce and pace. Contrary to this what they are doing now is playing at SA with the same slow pitch and a completely different weather conditions. But shouldn’t they now try to catch up with these bouncy and fast pitches and the weather conditions? When ever they face these extreme conditions they give in and explain later how everything was different and hard. But again they never try to eradicate the problem with is always evident. Indian fielders are not good as Indians are not risk takers and the bowling is always poor. But the BCCI has never felt the necessity to employ a special coach for both these areas. India had many good fielders like Robin Singh, Azharruddin but they were never consulted for the training. It needs a huge reform and its high time we go for it. Most importantly we need a right decision maker. We can not blame the coach or the facilities. All we should do must come from with in. Every player should realize the gravity of the demand and develop skills to cope with it.
Players are more indulged in earning bucks from endorsement of brands. Rushing to quick fame and then overlooking the extra responsibility that comes with publicity. They fail to do “Impression Management”. Air-tel terminated the contract with Sachin just because his brand value is decreasing. They forget what they are getting as the brand ambassador and the face they are handling is just a result of their performance on field. If they fail to be consistent they are out of the game. In this highly competitive world. What we need is performance to be in the game. And as the spectators we just can’t raise fingers also its our duty to think with belief “I-Can-Do-Something-About-It.”. And we should encourage youngsters to play quality cricket by involving themselves passionately. If today we fail to make a robust team of 11 out of the 1.1 billion population then its just because we never contribute and think to be independent. And its not just about cricket… its about everything.

Who Cares, Who is afraid?

Trust me I wont let u down…
I won't give u a chance to frown.
For winning is the motive and fighting is the way,
We may die in sequence of this fray.
But then who cares, who is afraid?
People turn us down,
we may not win the crown.
But then who cares , who is afraid?
We can fight beyond the last bullet
Until spending blood till the last droplet.
Worst case we die and loose…
But then who cares , who is afraid?

The cult Life!

I was sitting in the chair,
With my heart filled of despair.
I knew I was going mad,
But I had no option but being sad.
I was held by the obssession,
Which occured to me in succession.
Life was inscruttable,
and death was inevitable.
I lost even my breath,
in life's anguish and wrath.
But I was profound to finish it all ...
Stopping life's rolling ball.
Soon I was to be closed in a vault,
Then my style would become a cult!
(by Me.)

A Nightmare Or A Sweet Dream!!!!

It was a cold night as the rain was pouring heavily. It was November I remember. Some thing stung my eyes ....it didn't take me much to know it was the sparkling light coming out of the 4th floor of the insti building. "What the hell"....came out of me involuntarily as my adrenalin started acting. I jerked back horrified. All that I could see was just 2 images more like shadows. The first thing that filled my mind was the eerie images of ghosts. "Do they really exist" ..was the question I have asked that morning. "All crap u know ....ghost I can't believe some one like u can even think of things like that" bobby has told. But I could really see them now I told myself. I stepped slowly towards it. It was a good 200 meters way from the out gate of the hostel. As I always promote myself to be gutsy I hesitated to get any one accompany me. Alone down the road I moved closer. Now the scene clearer and the terrible light more dazzling. The images moving random on the corridor....now started to merge into the point where they were emanating from. The arrangement was weird ....they tried to reveal something kind of cipher message. It was a hieroglyphs; a symbol for a word. My neuron signals started flipping through my weak white matter to find a match. My mind didn't consume too much memory cycles to know it was the ancient symbol for the evil spirits. It was only because of my interest in symbology. "But do the ghosts understand symbology?" I was skeptical about myself. I was moving slower as I approached the staircase which overlooks the corridor..giving me a clear view of the scene. I was moving up with my eyes stuck to the corridor, like I was looking at myself in the mirror overlooking everything around. Had I ever looked at my books with that sort of concentration I would have topped the university. Suddenly what stopped my slow progress was the giggles that I heard. It was kinda they know about my stealth entry to their territory," do they really?". I felt the cold ness that made me a corpse, but I had to move up, I was too close to quit.
I was now on the 4th floor, the lights now more random but a lil deem. 1 full hour ,what I consumed to cover a journey of 200 meters. I was about to witness the most horrified image of my life. "May be I'll be the only one to brag my meeting with ghosts next morning provided I survive" I told myself to give myself a lil strength in vain ,recalling the PD class of that morning which told about positive attitude. "Do the ghosts understand English .... I could at least negotiate for my life" I thought. I came closer while one of those 5 lights went off. "Was the ghost appalled by me or anything wrong?" I was struggling my own ideas.
ssshhh.....ssshhh.......sssssssshhhhhhhhhhh.....the sound that came along, like some one dieing to breath or breathing to die. The sound more stronger now was not the only one to reverberate along with came the sound Thud...thud...thud...thud....thud..thudthudthudthud. Like a predator to kill its target.
My heart was about to beat its last few beats before failing when I heard "VOH" . I don't really remember how I was taken back to the hostel room or who took me there. But I was alive when I got my sense back. 2 weeks have passed in between but I never solved the mystery of those dangling lights.
" Hi Abinash" sonia greeted ."Hi" I reacted quite surprisingly as we usually never talk. " I doubt u r in ur ghost story rite now" she told smilling. "No..no.. I was just ......! but how do u know about that?" I managed and fired back frowned. "Well if u promise me u won't get annoyed with me and not make a issue of it I would like to tell u something. "She told looking down creating two beautiful dimples not by smilling but by trying to show she is sorry." I know because I was the conceiver of that idea, Bobby told me about ur phasmophobia" she said reluctantly. "See we were just trying to pull u out of this mess ...the fear u know" she told trying to set the flag in the wind's direction."What?" I reacted. "Sorry, it escalated to something more than what was expected, but we never thought u r such a "FATTU". "What ? I m not ...mind u. And who were the others by the way " I pretended to be angry but was lil shameful; and nervous for talking to the one whom I could only dream of talking to. "We means me, Raji, Bobby, Jaggu and pankaj" she told with her eye lids flipping more quickly now. A typical gal's style u know. " In fact Bobby, Jaggu and Pankaj were holding the torches. And they got u back to the room." she told trying to fight back her fake tears (I believe) now. It certainly felt good as I got another career option to think of "ACTING", after all I pretended nicely enough to make a beautiful gal cry. "Its all right now please don't cry . I can't loose those drops ....this canteen floor doesn't deserve it" I told waving my hanky before her; struggling to look serious as I was flying inside for having the most beautiful gal of the campus crying for me . I was lucky that she didn't take the hanky but I could bet she would have spited on me if she had taken that one. U know the dirt-dirty condition. "Well we can then initiate a nice friendship here on" I told anxiously to hear a yes. "But I think I have something more than that to tell u" she replied softly looking at me from the corners of her eyes.....leaving me a lead to guess what next !!

Well I have more Audience that I think....

It was one of my earlier posts in my blog where I had mentioned ... "No one except JB checks my blog.". But its today I got a mail from a beloved junior (Mihir ) that he checks it regularly and was a bit upset as I had not included him in my audience. Then many more reported that they usually check my blog and are frequent visitor. After that post I have received around 15 complains that I should be careful while dealing with such statistics. Well I am really glad that I have a good reasonable number of audience and too frequent ones. Thaks a lot. And sorry for the exclusion. Arbind has also become a profound reader of my blog so thanks to him too. One had mentioned he finds my writing very inspiring so I keep on doing that. Well thats good.
I will keep on wrting and updating my blog every now and then.. but I am getting a lil busy as I am also doing a part time job as a "creative writer" for an online advertising company. So do check my blog regularly and thanks againg.
Bye,
Truly
Abinash.

Lakshya Ki Talaash mein......

Ujjwal aasmaan mein,
Ek tim tima ta taara tha,
Use dekh har roz mera dil soche,
Kya ye meri taraf koi ishara thaa,
Yun to taare bahat hai aasman mein,
Par wohi taare pe kyun lage hai man,
Jis din dhake aasma badal se,
Udaasi saa lage ye jiban.

Par yun to ishwar ne banaye hain taare asma ke liye,
Is dharti pe rehke mein unko kya paao ,
Nih sabda swapna se mein kya laon.

Yun to ishwar ne he isara diya,
Taaron ke liye tumhe chunaa hai aasman,
Jaana hai gagan k us paar aur banana hai pehchaan.
Tabhi mein samjha kya woh ishara thaa ,
Jo mere liye ek tim tima ta tara tha.
Ab manjil ki he samajh mujhko, jana hai bahat duur,
Us aasman ko chuonga mein , gagan k par bhi jaaunga mein.
Ab raste ki hai pehchaan mujh ko, jo bhram mein gaya tha bhool.

Ab apni khud ki samajh hai mujh ko, jise samjha tha meine dhool.
Pakad hai majboot abhi, lakshya nishaane par,
Bas dekhna hai dum hai mujhmein kitna wahan pahanch pane par.
Ishwar ki is prakruti ne sikhaya bahat kuch hai,
Ab dekhna hai meine sikha kya hai?

Jis lakshya ke liye hai janm mera, ushe safal prabal kar jaana hai mujhe,
Bahak gaya tha taare ko dekh kar, ki har subah ek ujjal suraj bhi hai.

... Few Quotations By Me!!

U may feel these quotes are rotten and they stink but I write them in the corresponding mind set.

1. Winning matters....

2. A true fighter never quits, but he must know what he is fighting for and whom he is fighting with.

3. To be a winner at life it does not take hard muscles but a strong mind and a brave heart.

4. I may not be the best man around but atleast I am giving it a try.

5. I may die a dog’s death but I can at least say I have never lived a dog’s life.

6. My birth was not my beginning and my death will not be my end but what lies between these two will certainly make history.
7.I never redefine things for I hate moving along the path which is already traversed.
8. Lion may be the king of jungle but I have never tried to live like him, because I m too busy to spend 70% of my life sleeping.

Ok Ok.. Few LOVE quotation now Yes these are too my own mind's products....

1. Love may be torture some times but it gives you the power of tolerance.

2. Love gives you a new colour and adds a new aroma which can't be experienced unless you are really into it.

3. Love gives you a head str\art for many things. Don't limit it with emotional destruction.
4. Set your love free untold and unaware to test its worthyness. If its true you will win one or other way.
5. Love was never my motive and hatred was never my attribute .

My Odd Habits!!!!

Hi! I again assume that more than one person check it and would not mind to refer in prural form. Anyway I have quite a few odd habits and I am not at all in a mood to change them.
The habits are like... I Love reading books on my bed. I can't sleep early even the days I return after 9 or so from work. I wake up early even the days I sleep at 1 or 2 in the noght. I wash cloths in the night only. I am not at all sincere and I never mind wearing unpressed shirts and pants (Even to work). But whats more important is I take all these for grant and have never tried to change them. May be I am yet to find a valid reason to change them all.
Apart from those habits now lets come to fw others....
I was few times told by my friends I am much into "Orkut" thyen I too found out it to be true and I quit it. I am out of it now.
Now also I am told I am much into my Blog ... and also I found I am. But I wont quit it, for my blog is one of my best friend where i have shared my many feelings. From agony to ecstacy. From fancy to fantacy! My blog has always been there with me witnessing all my moves and all my life. I can't quit it. In Bangalore I find myself very lonely many a times. But I render my feeling in my blog as I would have told them to one of my truest friend. So this is my blog that listens to me carefully with patientence untill I unfold myself fully to have a lighter heart and a clear mood.
So I can't give up this blogging habit.
About few other things... I am really choosey about the friends that I have. I am very carefull about them I mean atleast I make it sure they are what they are supposed to be. Many times I have been reproached for this but I can't change this habit too... for I love the few friends I have more than manmy things.. including my life. The only thing I give more priority to in life more than my friends is "My family" which needs me desperately and "my aim" that I carry as my truest of vision. So I choose friends who can really understand this very fact!
Enough of my so called bad habits from any social poit of view but it does not matter as I folw the "Who cares" theory and also the "let it be " funda.
Bye
Truly
Abinash

... The Touch..

In this calm blue night, under the cover of stars..
I want to feel your smell with this closed eye.
I want to stretch my hand to touch you and feel you with my fingers,
I need your sense to be felt in my heart.
I want to hold you back in my arms
to feel your breath and the restless calm.
I want to dance to the rhythm of the vibration of your lip,
To reverberate in your dangling black hair.
I want to feel you in my soul,
With the softness and the kind touch that you pour.
In the eternal dreams I want to chase you with all my heart,
In the rain, moon and the sun I want your shine being marked.
I want to feel you right beside me.
I am needless, I am desperate and I am restless.
I want to walk with your hand pressed against mine.
I want to see the rain drops going down your pink cheeks,
I want to smell the aroma of the air that touches you.
I want to kiss you with my soul and eyes closed,
And I want to feel you here with me.
In every tone of nature, in every step of the spring
I want to feel you right beside me.
I am needless, I am desperate and I am restless.
I want to walk with your hand pressed against mine.
I want to see the rain drops going down your pink cheeks,
I want to smell the aroma of the air that touches you.
I want to kiss you with my soul and eyes closed,
And I want to feel you here with me.

.... Inactive, Paranoid, desperate, Annoied, Lonely, Me

Hi! To all those who drop in by my blog to have some time off the main cource of life. Did I say those?? Sorry I sould have written "that" as only JB checks it. Any way today is a (another)saturday, a day off from work. hhmm.... The same routine stay at home, wash clothes. But what i don't like is the idle and inactive environment. It feels like I am stuck to some fixed time and fixed infinite loop. The same mess where I stay with all gloomy and unconsious about the human potential. All just wait for time to bring everything in flow and not making things happen. In the course of changing there mind set I am facing many comments and many abuses from them only? But still I need to try I cant just give up for some one finds it wrong. I have to continue untill I find it wrong.
I dont have many friend. And In Bangalore I have really few. But they too don't like me. But can't help I can't change my habits and attitude though I have changed my behavior a lot over the time. But still it feels bad. It makes me feel lonely even when I am surrounded by my mess mates and in a busy bus. Today I went to buy one sport shoe (forcibly) but I had to go all alone, no "buddy" to share time with or even to tell something when u desperately fell to speak out. No one with me. Its all alone. And I have grown paranoid. I feel no one likes me, all want to hurt me. I am help less. I am annoied with myself. I am not raising a finger at any of those who claim to be my friend. But on me who deny such claims.
But I am learning through it. may be some time I will complete learning and I will be a HUMAN any way. How ever I am in a mood as described in the heading.
Thats why I have decide to dwrown myself in Work and all those books I have with me from now on. And I have changed my office timming too. Now on I am going at 8:00. But from 16th this month I will be assigned with project work so I will be keeping my self busy deliberately. I will come down only after 9:00 in the evening. And may be even Saturdays I will work deliberately. I will overload myself with something called "work".
Bye.
Truly
Abinash

Attitude V/S Behavior

Many a times people have requested me or in another way expressed their reproach for me by saying “U have a very bad attitude. Change it. U don’t know how to deal with people. U don’t know about relation management and u must change ur attitude.”. So I thought to write this article to clearly distinguish between ATTITUDE and BEHAVIOR. What these people dislike about me is the behavior and not the attitude but they ended up saying it attitude ignorantly or with a misunderstanding of the term.
Attitude is a personal attribute of a man. It lies secure well defined well inside you. And its not accessible or changeable by the public. But the behavior is a public attribute, its what u show others. It’s just a prototype of your impression of them u carry on your mind. So behavior can be defined and judged by others.
In the other hand attitude is different its your personal creation it’s the attribute of mind and heart. It’s the way u standardize your code of values and your self esteem. Its only you who can judge and hence change the attitude.
Behavior is reflected in your dealing with people, your voice, your body language and most in your word. But attitude is reflected in your action, thinking, the way of tackling challenge and mostly in work. There is a significant difference between WORK and WORD. The word part is of less importance and for a visionary man may be of no importance. But Regardless of context the work is always important.
Behavior is just to fool others to give a fake impression of your existence but attitude is the real value system, your own brainchild which gives a blueprint of your ability and confidence. Behavior is for others and attitude is for yourself. We always say “Attitude Towards Life”, “Attitude Towards Work”, “Attitude Towards Humanity”. And we never say Behavior towards life, work or humanity. Behavior is specific, which varies from person to person. Our behavior may change for one person as compared to other. But our attitude is a constant it can be changed but over a long time and takes a great deal of deliberation. Our attitude lies how we take work, life and all those serious issues for which we are existing. Behavior is more related to heart, attitude is more related to mind. Behavior is a personality trait and have common strings with emotion but attitude is a stand alone identity. None other than u has the right to comment and alter your own attitude, its guided by the self esteem that we carry. But behavior is a fraud way of hypocrisy; it may not be a honest representation. Behavior is always vulnerable and prone to the circumstances but attitude is a shield code which we can’t permit others to intervene

That’s why its called “Positive Attitude” and not “Positive Behavior”.

Truly,
Abinash

... Gandhigiri OR Bhagatgiri..????

Today I read an article in TOI written with pride about Gandhism and the philosophy of Bhagat Singh. The author advocated both sides but finally concluded that in present world nither is valid but a mixture of both can only be fruitful and both have there own context of application!
What I wondered about the conclusion is the author hardly understand the real meaning of "Gandgism" and "The philosophy of Bhagat Singh". In a physical way if we consider these two are not different. Actually both are the offspring of a single mainstream. The main root of both "Gandhi's peace way" and "Bhagat's Inqalab way" are actually the same. Both are form of self indulgance in what you believe in passionately and self restraince from what you find wrong. Both are the supreme form of self guidance and motivation. Both the ways are the form of trust in "Truth". And both are the form of "Heroism".
Here what gandhism means is not just limited to the path of peace. Peace is just the colour of the way and not actually the path or the destiny. The destiny is "TRUTH" and "VICTORY". And the path is self motivated passion. The passion of believing in the strength of inner self and the power of unity.
In the most fundamental rules actually Bhagat Singh's "Inqullab Philosophy" also follows the same path and destiny but with a different colour. They are the great examples of self controlled and self driven men who have laid paths to cherished for ever.
Now lets discuss the topic more logically and with few facts and figures.
What exactly is peace? Is it the absence of violence? No, mere absence of violence is not peace or the path of peace. Rather it is the presence of right justice and respect. Respect to humanity and the ability. Peace is the presence of unity, it is the assembly of men who are self controlled and has real comprihension of what is wrong and what is right.
Now what is peace in the realm of Ganghism? Gangi uphold peace as his standard of fighting. Ganghi worshiped peace as the supreme power and leveraged it in the destruction of British power. So what we understand from this method is "We must be peace full in all aspect and and try to imitate the three monkes by closing our eyes, ears and mouths????" is n't it? But that where we mistake. Peace is actully as per the definition given above not in keeping quite of in restraince but its in raising a finger where ever wrong is being done and in indulgane. Peace is in finding what is right and sticking to it while fighting for it till the end.
In 1947 even Gandhi supported the sending of Soldiers to the border for the battle with Pakistan. Why? Because in that context peace is in eliminatinmg the evil.
So in the logical sequence we can find even Bhagat Singh was also a worshiper of peace but in a different way.

So in the present day society what we should learn as Gandhism or Bhagatism is not peace or violent method but the selfmotivation and controll that they had shown. We must practice peace as the presence of right justice. We must learn to know these philosophy as trust in the inner self and developing the moral standard to decide what is wrong and what is right.
Once we understand this very concept of "self motivation towards the truth" to be the most fundamental rule of Gandhism or Bhagatism then what ever we follow will be fruitful and will ensure peace at the end. So lets stop debating on the two rules which are in reality has the same root and start practicing the fundamentals for the uplift ment of the society, the nation and above all the "self".
Jai Hind.
Truly
Abinash.

SAFAR

Chale the rah par akele...
Kuch khusian kuch gum le kar.
Par jab se mila unka saya,
Laga jiban mein sab kuch paaya.
Mehsoos kiya iss ambar ko apni baahon mein,
Meri duniya hi basi thi unki nigahon mein.
Har din subah laati thi khilti kaliyan, lehrate hawa aur narm kirnein,
Har roz jine ka matlab aur rah mein chalne ka hosla milta tha.
Baaris ki bundon ko sath lea gataon par humj bhi chala karte the,
Unki aahat si mehsoos hoti thi hawa ki har angdai mein,
Humne bhi dekhe the khwab sare.... ke mera bhi ek mukan hoga,
Iss dharti par mera bhi ek jaahan hoga.
Par subhah phire hui aur nind toot gayi,
Ek sapna sa tha woh bhi choot gayi.
Ek chah thgi unko mehsoos karneki,
Ek sapna that unke haath mein haath lea chalne ki,
Par sapne kahan milte he chahat kahan kilte hein?
Aisa laga jaise iss subha ki bhi koi anth ho gai.
Par unka kya kasoor khwab to mere the,
Jo dil mein chupe hasraton ke khilte hue bahare the.
Woh wahan bhi sahio galat yahan hum bhi nahi,
Bas dil ke arma dil mein reh ke mar gaye,
Jate jate kuch dard aur nishan de gaye.
Par rukna mera dharm nahi,
Akela to mein tabh chalatha unka saath to bas ek dil ka saaya tha.
Gum nahi agar woh na mileto manjilein to aur bhi hein paneko.
Par uss dard ka kya karon? Aasoo bhi nahi chupane ko.
Chalo uss uparwale se koi sikba bhi nahi...
Ek dhoondh si sahi par mila to tha unka saaya.
Ab lakshya alag he, Maksad bhi alag, jaana bhi bahat dur hai
Gagan ke uss par, Jiban ki aur.
Ek umeed ki kiran he sayaad us lakshya ki talas mein is dard ko bhuladeinhum.
Akele to tabh bhi chale the akele to abhi chalenge...
sala bhul gaya tha ki manjil toh akela chunatha.
Phir kyu humsafar ki talash thi?

ERROR!!!!

I hate life…. I hate death.

I hate girls…. I hate men.

I hate fun….. I hate to run.

I hate standing still…..

I hate to talk…. I hate keeping quite.

I hate to be accompanied. I hate moving alone.

I hate to rest…. I hate working hard.

I hate myself… I hate U!





I discovered I have been wrong from a society point of view though I have not commited any evil .. have not done any sin. I am reproached by one and all....

Still I will stick to it anyway! If u don’t Like Fcuk Off!!

Poor Saayaris....!!!!

Well I thought I too should try my hands on writing "FRustoo Sayaries" as I am too a promoter and supporter of "Frustooism". And the poor creation goes as below....

"Chup rehneki meine saja he pai.
Jiban mein jaise khamoshi he chai.
Dard mein jina to humne sikh liya,
Par dard kise kehte hein ye tum ne sikhai."
---- wah wah wah wah... ;-)


"Dard to bana he jiban ka saaya.
Jo hume he khoya, wo tumne he paya.
Sath to tum kabhi the hi nahi,
Bas dhundh si thi , use bhi humne suna hai payaa."
----------------------------------- ;-)

"Jiban mein manjilein to humne bhi paayi thi,
Par pata na tha in manjilon par aakar hum rah bhatak jaayenge,
Manjil to khodiya ab to rah bhi gum gai".
---------------------------------------

"Hum aasu to dikhaya nahi karte,
Kyun ki samjhne wale paas hua nahi karte.
Ise pyaar keh kar apne bhi dhutkara...
Phark kya kai jab duniya ne bhi he thokar maara."
------------------------ ;-)

All bye me.
Abinash Sarangi.

Actually I was interested to write something more on all these. But this net operator is asking to buck up so the next time i wil write more.

I wont TITLE it.

It’s a great time for India. The economical growth is best ever. The poverty is lowering at an unprecedented pace. The women are being empowered. The back ward classes has been converted into the leader of the front and many such happenings. But still India is struggling with its status “A developing country”. Why? It seems this status wont change as it has been the same after the independence. And I am too certain it will not change and why should it change at all? A nation is not the roads, rivers, countries, and forests. The real identity of any nation lies in the beauty of its culture, history and people. No doubt we have one of the best cultural heritage. One of the bravest and awesome histories. But the main part is about the present and not at the past that is the hi9story and what we have inherited that is the culture. The present must be strong and well defined. And this is done by the people. Where are they? They are all around but aloof from their own inner self. The most powerful too and weapon Indians ever had was self respect which ensures many others. Respect in self leads to respect in the national. We will feel the “self” feeling for it. But we have lost it some where. Now we only value words and not action.. and that’s why its blatantly reflected in our governing system the political system. Earlier the governing system was lead by the people who believed in the power of action and not words. But it’s the reverse now. It’s the worthless words that value more. But we too don’t have any right to complain, for we have lost our own identity. We never bother what more we can give what we bother about is what others have not given. We never contribute but reproach others for not contributing. And this is not the problem in the national governing or social system of India but its problem every where any sector and field. At the work place we never try to solve the problem but blame others for creating a hindrance. How funny! We never understand the simplest fact, “ Any thing that happens to us never happens with out our consent.”. So if some is a hindrance in progress then its only we who have let him be the hurdle. It’s a matter of mindset. We are suffering from something called “Indian mindset”. It used to be a disease but now its an widespread epidemic. But again its own moral responsibility to change it. To redefine whats an Indian mindset is, if we are left with any self respect. This system needs to be destroyed. I am not talking about the political or the governing system. These are the out come of a great system .. the social system. And the social system needs to be destroyed and reformed. This destruction is not a violent one but it goes in the most peaceful way. We have to destroy and reform the mindsets. Here we do social commitment either to get a social status in others eyes or just out of fear of law. Where our action varies from paying tax to constructing hospitals. But we never do that for our own joy. The day we learn how to be committed joyfully we will succeed unprecedented and the whole world will witness the revolution. For this we need to teach our self the art of giving the best of us. The best in every society. Before raising a finger ask always what there that u can do about it? Whats there that u should have done. And what’s there that the same wont occur any more.
\n\n Its time that e learn we must not fight the disease\nbut the root cause of the dieses the mindsets. We many time boast our culture\nbut seldom we follow the firm pillars of the strong culture. These pillars are\nfaith, and respect. Pity we lack both. But no start is too late , let us start\nrite away. Before we try to change the way the world looks at us we need to\nchange the way we look at ourselves. We have to clean our own eyes before\npolishing the mirror. We always respect and appreciate the laws of other\nnations but never miss the chance to criticize ours. But we forget its not the\nlaws that need to be changed but the people for whom the laws have been formed.\nWe are a democratic nation we enjoy freedom in many sense. But we never value\nit and only exploit it. We say political leaders are bad but what have we done\nto change the bad in to good. Lets come together to change the way it needs to\nbe. Lets change the MINDSETS.\n\n \n\n \n\n \n\n \n\n \n\n \n\n \n\n \n\n \n\n",1]
);
//-->

Its time that e learn we must not fight the disease but the root cause of the dieses the mindsets. We many time boast our culture but seldom we follow the firm pillars of the strong culture. These pillars are faith, and respect. Pity we lack both. But no start is too late , let us start rite away. Before we try to change the way the world looks at us we need to change the way we look at ourselves. We have to clean our own eyes before polishing the mirror. We always respect and appreciate the laws of other nations but never miss the chance to criticize ours. But we forget its not the laws that need to be changed but the people for whom the laws have been formed. We are a democratic nation we enjoy freedom in many sense. But we never value it and only exploit it. We say political leaders are bad but what have we done to change the bad in to good. Lets come together to change the way it needs to be. Lets change the MINDSETS.

Virtue less Life Is A Moral Evil...

We live and move forward. But what drives us? What’s that keeps us going? It’s a purpose! A purpose that evolves from our desire and it’s a purpose that comes from within, from us. None other then the “self” can ever understand and value this purpose. But in this present social system we live with other values. Rite from the birth we r taught to adopt and accept the codes of society with out judgment. And we do. But then we become exploiters in a different way! We exploit the potent and the able. We denounce their supremacy and rebuke them. But for a real man, a man of courage and for the man whose aim is moral happiness it has no meaning. His happiness lies well inside him. He is the real independent man.

We talk about freedom and independence in all of our act but we are yet to understand it. Freedom in the materialistic world is as hypothetical as it is. The only freedom that is possible is of thought. Mental freedom; no one how potent and powerful may be can ever manipulate and rule our process of thought. No one can restrict you from thinking. That’s the truest form of freedom. But the in this inherent social system we let others invade it even. We find pleasure in letting others destroy our own independence of thought. We want them to appreciate us. We derive happiness from that. We enjoy envy in others eye and we love the moral suffering of others. We forget our own very code of values and code of life. We adapt to theirs. We in the name of caring actually enjoy seeing them dependent; dependent on us. We feel the pride in that. We make others parasites. And as the greatest sinners we feed them. But what is the moral purpose of there existence? Why they live at all? They live just to follow the existing trend of inheriting and manipulating the creation of ability. They all work hard not to create but to use what has been created. Not to set example by action but to follow the example to imitate and be admired. They live not in themselves but in the presence of the others for whom they are mental feeders.

The most viler evil then to murder a man is to sell him suicide as a virtue. And it comes with us when we become the desperate need of the incompetent for there very existence. But we must find a purpose and proceed to achieve it in virtue. But then what virtue is? Virtue is the set of values which gives us the ability to decide what is right and wrong. And what is perfect. They what can be the purest of virtue in the world? The world is relative nothing can be correct in all contexts and hold good for every one. Then does this logic denies the existence of virtue? No. The only thing that is perfect and correct is ability and its creation. The creation of ability is virtue. Knowledge is virtue. Reasoning is virtue. We created computer. In the process in every step there were only to options : right or wrong. Before plugging in something we decide if its right or wrong, which remains the same every where universally. We don’t put a component in the wrong place for the correct place is same in all context with out difference. This decision and the knowledge to decide is virtue. And life’s purpose is virtue. Creation and not submission.

We can strive and use our values to let the underprivileged learn to live. We can add value to the society in making it a better place. But for that we must kill these moral parasites. We must induce self respect in every human to let the system change for good. In the process I may be called as selfish for the courage to act on my own decision and to live with my own sufferings. But then WHO CARES????

Improvement Time.....!!

I realized its high time now I must act as per the plans now. I am going to create a company now in a couple of week. As I am the single employee so it will take around a months time to develop the infrastructure and the technical back bone too. But surely its half way done as I have got the Required web space and the licence today. It costs me around Rs 4000/- so to start a company with Rs 4000/- is not a bad idea at all is n't it. Well It will be some online......... I wont say this before hand. Just wait a month and then the real bang would come around.
What pains is that now I sleep for 6 hrs a day but now on for the next one month... I may not get that much time too! May be I will cut it short to 4 hrs. How ever I need co-operation of u all. So be right there to celebrate the opening ceremony! That would be online too.......
Me yaar... thew So called Abinash.

My "ORKUT" ProFiLe.......

TODAY I HAVE DECIDED TO DELETE EVERYTHING FROM MY PROFILE........ AND HERE I GO..... 10..9...8....7...6....5....4...3......2 . .....1 ..... Bang......