My idle mind :)

Well goes the well known adage "An idle mind is devils workshop".
I realized my idle mind is her workshop. :) Not idle actually to be honest. She is there in my working mind as well. Now its debatable when my mind is working and when its idle. Appreciate my honesty for it that I proclaim the confusing status of my mind. :) But almost every time I am conscious of my thoughts I find my self pondering on her. So not quite surprisingly my mind is mostly idle.
I see a lot of imagery and I am the director. But a director driven by the fantasies of her. The same familiar and lovable face with that I-can-die-for-it smile. The same way of looking from the corner of her eyes. The same way blushing when I smile back at her. And all at my personal space of mind.
I choose to be idle. I choose to be driven. I choose to be with her for ever.

Fire, light and smoke

The sounds were screaming in my ears. The lights lighting my eyes. I could see smoke and noise around. People rushing form one end to other. Running off the spot.
The place soon became darker,as soon as the sound died out leaving only numb ears.
The place looked scattered. I could see a torn piece of cloth lying orphan in the fading smoke. The numb ear responded to the cry of a child who could hardly speak.
I took my eyes off it and put it back on the fire and the smoke. The light was deem and the smoke no more. Then the next instant it came all over again. A few steps far from the earlier. The fire, the light, the smoke and the ear numbing sound.
I was standing on my terrace looking down how the boys were exploding the fire crackers in joy in the eve of diwali. :)

Truly
Abinash

Still Lost

In the late evening, or early morning. In the broad day light or in the night's darkest side. Amidst a million people or marooned in an island. The sense is as intense as its now. The sense of this shadowy feeling. The feeling of being lively.
A repulsive desire drifts me in an garbled fashion. And I feel lost. lost between dreams and reality. Love and rejection. Smile and frown. A node of yes and a node of no. A self too fragile and a self too strong. A life with her and a life alone. A day with her and a day in empty thoughts. A hope and a realization.
But all that remains is the fact I fell lost. I look too despicable. I jerk back to reality. I jerk back to now. Leaving the sweetness of the fantasies alone marooned in some isolation. Her being would clearly transit form reality to just a desire, from I reached her to I am lost. I jerk back to reality and I move on. Smiling. Still Lost. :)

Truly
Abinash

Of late is often too late

The realization that comes in of late are often too late. The feeling of not being some one's first love or not being love at all. The sense of being pitied. The feeling of not being so charming. The sense of rejection. The worries of perpetuation. The declined happiness. The loneliness. The refuge in solitude. The sense that you are just as volatile at some one's heart who is as permanent and constant at yours. But things happen, like anything else. Things change and take different shape like everything else. Life is as weird as it is. And you at some point in future would look back at it, what you now call present. Then nothing would remain neither this pain nor this emptiness. But you would give a smile, just a smile at yourself. and you will move on. Thats life, strange, wild and deep. But some feelings that comes of late are never too late.. like the realization "even this will pass".

Truly
Abinash