Consciousness as I perceive it

As a kid I was always fascinated by almost everything I saw. I wanted many of them. After a long day when I go to bed I used to dream, dream of  thoughts coming form real experiences from day mixed with the imaginations I could possibly make. It was always reality till I wake up to the reality in the morning in a confused mind. It comes over like a infinite loop of thoughts.
                                Consciousness is one of the most fascinating and abstruse topics out there. Am I not conscious when I am deep in sleep dreaming? Or am I not conscious when I am so focused that am not able to hear the loud music playing next to me? Consciousness has been described by philosophers and lately by scientists to be a mental state of awareness of the surrounding, the connection our brain has with the information it has at that given moment and the perception it generates from it. Correct they are, may be. Religion has a different take, they relate it to the hidden power every human has in their body, when a human body becomes aware of this power and the power hence rises to the highest position a man becomes conscious universally, and he is the one called the conscious man.
                                Consciousness as neurologists describe it is a process of action and transmission mechanism by the billions of neuron in the brain achieved through synapses. I agree. But the neurons in our brain are connected with 6 senses and generates a set of information from it. Taking the brain from one state to another every fraction of second. The eyes, ears, touch, smell, taste and sense of feeling (cold, heat, fear, instinct etc). These senses gives data to the brain and brain generates information from it for us to have a unique perception varying by the state of brain we are in while we do the processing. The perception not necessarily be in the realm of reality it can actually be an illusion. Let us say I am confined in a room and the room walls are transparent enough that I might not be ever able to perceive the wall until I crash into it. But given that the room is sufficiently large, I would rather not crash into it. Nor I will even try to cause I am unaware of it in my present consciousness. The world might be a same case. We are bound by the play of Maaya. Never aware that we are confined in it. Never trying to cross pass it and enlarge our awareness into the reality beyond the walls. There is a connection between every element in the universe. They all came to being from nothingness. And are made up from the very same fundamental particles. Every object in the universe is a metamorphosis of the very fabric of the space time in the universe. So how can there is not a connection? This when we take a billion light years top view will be nothing but a network similar to what we have in our brains! A network of all the objects in the universe but each hidden from other with in a realm of virtuality as explained in the confined room example above. Only the objects beyond their respective walls are connected in this supreme and infinite network of information and aware of every thing in the universe. The present state, the past it was in and the future it might ever be in. The play of Maaya is then broken and these objects become conscious. the closest we can ever be to beat this play of Maaya is in a human.
                                            Physics has laid down laws saying information is never lost in the universe. The other laws of physics as it says neither the energy is ever lost, its just transformed from one state to other. But once this conversation complete where is the information of the past state? Where is the information what happened during the transformation? This is not lost cause the whole system is connected like neural network and its stored in the universal consciousness. We can always be aware of such a thing and retract mathematically to see the possibility of the earlier state. The surety can only come when we are connected to the infinite universal consciousness. Once connected we would never need history to be written ever! One day when we live long enough we might have mathematical proof for the presence of this boundary, the Maaya. and may be that day we will take our stride to live beyond the wall. But for me we all are but living in an illusion in a realm too small, in a confined cell.

P.S. A more technically detailed article(analogy with fractals, evolution of the universe and the significance of black holes with information theory and how it effects the entropy of the universe) I have written but for readers convenient have not posted that. Interested reads can leave a comment and I would share it with them.

Truly
Abinash

Are we Random? or an established pattern?

Just a random thought occurred to me like always and I spent some time brooding over it. Here is the perception or the delusion I have come out with.

It started with one question: What do you feel, how random life is? Or its predefined and patterned?

Well after reading few spiritual literature and some ancient scriptures, I leaned the world is not a random creation, its a definite work of God where nothing can actually be random. Ever event is predefined. And the God manifests himself in every being. So The manifestation of God exists as widely in the whole universe as a single entity as in a human being. So I can conclude human being is a reflection of the universe in itself. It reminds me of the Fractal
programs I wrote in college. The smallest building element is nothing but an exact manifestation of the whole body. So the birth of the universe with big bang can be compared to the birth of a child. As soon as the child is born the whole system turns more chaotic.
The man since birth will tend to be in equilibrium by nature but it will only lead to increase in entropy. Being an isolated system in itself there is no way the randomness in it will can decrease following the second law of thermodynamics.

Now can we take a look at what they call as Maya and to find out the answer to the question we started with?

Maya is supposed to be the illusion we live in, including the sense that we have a life and we have senses and we live till death. Where we assume death is the end and birth as beginning. I would say Maya is nothing but yeah a set of illusion or predictions. We live at the present. But we expect and build the future thats the next immediate moment of the present and hence on. I believe there a proportion of certainty and uncertainty associated with prediction or expectation we make. Like we see what we want to see, we believe what we want to believe with the limit of our knowledge and power to perceive. So when we take a step forward we assume or expect or predict it to be placed at a particular position in the next immediate moment. But Future is unpredictable. And hence the expectation we set has a degree of uncertainty associated with it. There is no 100% guarantee that the out come of the event will be exactly same as predicted. Hence all we do at any present moment is with respect to the current event predict a future moment which actually is as uncertain as certain. Thats probability of occurance would be 0.5. So we are doing nothing but in reality live in illusion. When the expectation fails we call it misfortune. And when mate its fortune. But in reality the unbiased probability of fortune or misfortune is exactly the same. Hence may be thats how the Saints live as they know this mathematical truth and choose to be rather indifferent. But a slightly closer thinking at it will tell us that its not as simple a process as I have described it till now. There is a degree of bias on the future by the present event. Say like if I know I am going to appear for an exam, and I have put in effort so the probability of being fortunate will increase. And hence the probability of misfortune will decrease. Hang on... with it can we say that we can actually have control over the future by means of the choice we make at the present? Well may be yes. Thats what they may call the law of karma. Your Karma decides the future. Its the choice we make for the present event thats leads us to a more chaotic state or increase in entropy. That decision precisely decides or controls the outcome we may have in the immediate next moment. Either increasing or decreasing the number of choices or state we may leap to from there. That means the degree to which we can be fortunate or mis-fortunate can be predicted or decided at present. It implies, with a closely calculated decision we can actually make ourselves luckier over time, as I told above luck is nothing but meeting the expectation we set for a future time. So one can work out to live long enough to see himself getting luckier close to absolute one as to it happens exactly what he predicts or expects. May be thats what is the miracles we see.

So to sum it up: Life is a random event with many possible out come of any event occurring now and leading to the occurance of another like a chain reaction. And yes we do live in Maya as we just keep predicting the expected outcome for the immediate next moment which actually is equally improbable as probable. But as said the future is in our hand.

...... To be continued.

Truly
Abinash

Lets make it

Intentions. Perceptions. Decisions. They all occur like they are eternally linked. Maintaining their camaraderie. Intentions how ever remain obscure, assumed and silent. Perceptions remain wrongly articulated, mostly misunderstood or un-understood. And decisions timely mistaken, untimely regretted and perfectly spontaneous.
At the spur of the moment, the overwhelming emotions, uncontrolled motion of thoughts, misplaced facts and the assumed wrong assumptions. They do the killing. Killing of happiness, peace and the need. What is truly desired is always hidden. Ego drives the motion then, taking over love, care, wishes, dreams. Human are designed err. To err and name it life. To live and name it fate. To mistake and name it experience.

It takes a small decision drifted away by the ego to destroy it. But it takes a thousand small dreams, a million small desires and one strong will to construct it to live it. And name it life. In the shape and form it deserves to be. Happy. Decorated. Beautiful. Lets make it.

Truly
Abinash

Lets count it right, lets live!

Life is a set of moments, like a video. Each momemt logically clinging to each other. And we count them to judge our own life. We measure can measure our life in two ways: with number of un answered calls, mails and messages or with the number of calls, mails and messages we got. The first one hurts, lets you down and kills your happiness. The secon one joys, puts you up and gives reasons to be happy. The first one actually are the people who never cared, and never made any difference. The second one is of the people who care and who want to make a difference. The counts never end. Life does. Who remember and forget in the same sequesnce. We remember each unanswered mail, call and ,message. We forget each mail, call, message we receive. We err, we are human. we find so inner thrust for sad moments. We remember the tears and forget the smile. We live a wrong life. We die a right death. An unhappy death. We must count the other way. LIve a happy life and die an inifferent death. Don't measure your life by the number of people you missed, measure by the number you ahve gained. Be happy.

Of late is often too late

The realization that comes in of late are often too late. The feeling of not being some one's first love or not being love at all. The sense of being pitied. The feeling of not being so charming. The sense of rejection. The worries of perpetuation. The declined happiness. The loneliness. The refuge in solitude. The sense that you are just as volatile at some one's heart who is as permanent and constant at yours. But things happen, like anything else. Things change and take different shape like everything else. Life is as weird as it is. And you at some point in future would look back at it, what you now call present. Then nothing would remain neither this pain nor this emptiness. But you would give a smile, just a smile at yourself. and you will move on. Thats life, strange, wild and deep. But some feelings that comes of late are never too late.. like the realization "even this will pass".

Truly
Abinash

Denial is painful - in all forms.

....Lately I am a distinct looser, appeased with my loss and fugitive discordant set of emotions!!! But I am still distinct.

... this is what my Google talk status message says. Denial is painful. In all forms. Human is not merely a social animal, human is also an emotional animal. I preach about correct use of emotions. Power of emotion and all those abstruse stuffs, all along. But of late I realize I am a mere man too. Like any one else. A mere mortal fighting a battle to over come the apparent flaws in the way we live. At the end of the day when I stand in front of the mirror I realize I have gained no more than only the knowledge of the truth. Knowing and doing are different. I just know. I have failed to do. And that makes me vulnerable and fragile. I feel pity. Pity for myself. Helpless I feel. But feelings are transient I am aware but also I know they are too overwhelming at times to be controlled. And I feel let down. As I am feeling now. The discordant emotion take shape of incoherent thoughts and drive no they drift me the way they want. And my remnant is no more than an entity in harmonic motion. From one ext ream to other restlessly.
Denial ignites this flame and the uncontrolled emotions fuel it. I remain just a shadow in this unreal world. I become a flaw. I become a mad mind desperately seeking some solace. Some sympathy. Seeking every where but within. Because I know if I seek it with in I will find it. I don't want that. I enjoy this madness. I like this hopeless despair some how. I find peace in looking at my soul succumb to the madness. I rejoice over it. I remain a different me.
Denial is painful. In all form. Thats what just remain. The pain and the denial.

The shadow and Me

A lighted cigarette in hand, few moist hairs hanging out and self deceiving smile. The re-imaging of self image while siting on my bed listening to gazal and struggling to type correctly I could think of only what I have become lately. What I am out for? What is it I want? Am I lonely? have I realized of late that I am a moron? Am I a intellectually handicapped guy? Or is it that I have become too complex? Do I do the things I do? Do I do them for I want to do or for I pretend that I want to do? Perplexed, annoyed I swhich off all the thoughts. Then I regain, I regain myself. I feel that chill. I feel my own possession. I am smiling again but this time its not deceiving its reassuring. I take a gaze on myself and here I am standing in the balcony staring involuntarily at the shadow before me. It my shadow. I think how my shadow has become longer than me, all most but not quite like a monster. I try out run my shadow, I fail. I try out last my shadow I fail. I try our cast my shadow I fail.
I realize my shadow is my self image. My shadow is as false as my body and my shadow is what gives me the courage, there is light even behind me. I have traveled a path of light. For I can see my shadow i have defeated darkness. Then My shadow moves with me, and I cant see it no more. I cant see it no more for I have realized the direction. I need not see it any more. The shadow has served its purpose. I am on the right path now. I am in the direction of the source. The source of light. My shadow made me turn around and seek the source. The dark shadow. The ugly monstrous shadow.
The life is same. The life does it all. It gives dark and monstrous opportunities to realized the path. To realize the source. Turn around set your face off it. Follow the infinite. Don't follow your shadow, let it follow you. Thats where lies life.

Truly
Abinash

Life is where lies light.

"Its a choice. A choice of yours to decide if you want to change your notion. For your believes are not going to outlast you. Neither you are going to outlast them. Both will cease to exist. Move on, get over it, you are as mortal as your thoughts. Understand the fact and understand the existence. The stubborn mind is fugacious. Then what for you feel the pride in? You are "never-lasting" what you misunderstand it to be "ever-lasting". The actions won't remain the same, they will change and they will die. The remnant you confuse to have in this world after you depart will die. The world will die. This is a mortal world. Understand. The "system" the life, the choices all are on the same mortal cord still they have their stints. Understand the purpose of action, nature and the changes. The system creates scope for you every moment to understand it, to pursue the fact. The scope is here in every moment like light. The life is like the spectrum of light. Travels in all possible directions in all [possible dimensions at each point of existence. This speaks the immortal existence of the being. The unconditional and un-dimentional existence. Understand the scope, understand the system.
Don't waste this coherence of transience in unnecessary psychology. The emotions are a strong equipment for understanding the system. Don't mislead yourself faraway with the illusion that its ever lasting. Understand its "never-lasting."
Give up the unnecessary psychological cord. Apathy is where lies the key to understand inner existence.

Truly
Abinash.

I am He

The sun was fading-in paving way for the half lit moon. The whole world seemed to be dying in with the dying sun.
The moon was taking over sun and the darkness over light. The wind too changed the direction so as the birds. I was standing on the edge of the day where it was not going to end but begin the next morning. Arms spread out to embrace the scent that the soothing wind would bring with it. Like a man who know himself I stood there with the definite indifference, unprecedented. And then I asked "Who am I". And I got the reassuring answer "I am Him". Looking directly the moons and the millions of sparkling stars into the eyes, I could realize my nonexistence. Gravity seems to be broken and with it the fear of falling, falling of weight, falling with time, falling in life. The whole world was a theme, a beautiful theme conspiring against and for you. There was a feeling never before, there was a desire never desired, there was a sense never felt. There was me, and I was possessed by myself. I am He.

Truly
Abinash

A philosophy for life

Life should be lived looking forward and not back ward they say. But how do one looks forward? I learned it may be the way to anticipate goal and achievements for yourself and live by the sheer joy and hope that some day you will achieve them. Some day for sure. This philosophy of living is rather filled with illusions still one can suffer the transient happiness. subtly you deceive yourself in a way that it becomes all most an addiction. A crazy obsession that thrives with the time. You try to get solace with this preoccupied confounded brain which knows nothing but few of these unrealistic still widely claimed futuristic materialistic possessions. They soon become the guiding rule for the life and you are drifted towards the agony of behemoth ignorance. This deflection of self away from self is what they call as life.
But when u start to take retrospective approach of philosophy of living. You may suffer a transient discordance of brain and heart, but it will lead you closer to a path which can be traversed by none other than your self. The past sins and the achievement will enlighten your present and not future in contrast with the futuristic approach of life. But then its the present thats alive for past is dead and future is not born yet. The suffering comes when we consume the present to produce the future - which is undefined. We afford to loose the present and forget the time bygone to be in the fake euphoria and not ecstasy. A true happiness can be achieved when we look back at past and realize the present and never care about the future. Just being assured that your present action is righteous and filled with satisfaction future will draw itself automatically in the flow. after all they are all related with cosmic logic. Like the future direction of any object is defined by the direction of force you apply on it at the present.
Its all blissful man can have for himself a retrospective approach for life.

Truly
Abinash

Beautiful illusion

Traveling to places and exploring their significance has its own charm. But for me people are rather more important than the place itself of course with few exceptions though. I had been to hyderabad so many times. But never did I visit any places, that seemingly glorify Hyderabad. Its always the guy my best friend, its an offense if I would say my best friend. He is a part of me. I find solace with him. Its just his company that I can travel to Hyderabad every day. Life is simple for us, we understand life is an illusion but we can always and we do make this illusion as beautiful as possible. For we have to stand this illusion till we die, no mater when. He is an extraordinary guy I would say. Indifferent, tolerant beyond what god has granted for human, an soothing soul and a pleasant disposition.
It was when the train whistled I realized its time to board the train. I went in and stayed back at the door. He was looking back at me with a calmness that would make you re-think your own perception of life. The iron wheels would roll with the command of their master and the train moves, with the moving wagon moves few illustrious body as mine, moving away from a pleasing illusion to another. But he holds on to the side bar and keeps his vision intact till the last glimpse can be consumed. I would look at him from the forwarding (or back warding) iron monster till I could afford to with out being played out. But its not the departure that keeps me thinking. Its the cognizance that I am ignorant of the fact, the fact that keeps man driving. why god makes some illusions so beautiful? Why at all? And I would keep on recreating the motions like a child fantasizing about a movie and customizing it with his own imagery. But then I learn the light lies there. The illusion's truth is there in being seeking happiness for the sake of life, for the sake of truth. And the illusion is blessed with people like him for may be I have been doing good with god. Thanks for his presence in my life. Thanks to god.

Never knew it can even be Love

Love.
Never thought even Love can be a sentence, a complete sentence. A word full of life, energy, dreams and of course love. Never believed even love can be self descriptive, a complete wordless communication. A word of pleasure, present, heart and soul.
Never realized even love can be so divine. A word of worship, devotion, commitment and realization. Thats love, thats easy.
Though I have not yet been fortunate to experience it still can imagine it to be like this.

:)A smiling smiley.
Truly
Abinash

Living free somewhere

I had written it long back. Posted it today :)
So may not be upto the standard still, I thought it deserves a publication.

Don't search for me here,
I have abandoned this place.

Don't look for me in your memory,
I live there no more.

I have divorced life, I have cheated death,
Love for me no more, I am free somewhere.

Longing to be loved, seen and admired
I quited this earth to pursue my desire.

Its no heaven here, nor its any hell,
I don't know what makes them different
But yeah it has innocent wind, shining days and starry nights.

Yeah, the gods don't stay here, I live alone,
with my dreams pursued, life cherished and a sedated soul.

My soul laughs at me, laughs also my shadow,
But who cares them, I am living free somewhere.

Truly
Abinash

Fighting a loosing battle

I am not what I seem.
I am nothing but a dream.

I have changed awfully. I loosing on my courage. There was a time I used to be dangerously courageous. I would be afraid of nothing, no death could frighten me. I have changed and the only thing I am worried and I am sad about is I am loosing on my courage. I am afraid at time. I am growing lazy, that comes 2nd worry. I at times imitate others thats the 3rd worry. But still.... its good I have realized the problem early (or may be late) so that I can work on them. Wish me luck, wish me the grace of God.

Truly
Abinash

On the porch of Life

Sitting on the porch of life, looking across it all the way back till the last moment I can remember what I think? I found I have grown into myself only half and the other half into something that I never wanted to. Life has turned out to be something else far more different than what it was supposed to be? One thought comes rushing to me for rescue. I gain my consciousness to console myself, I have enough time for restructuring everything, life, style, myself, even my death to the way I want. a faint smile runs across my face, I take my face away from me with a sigh of satisfaction, more like a thirsty man in desert drinking in an oasis breathlessly. The heartbeat slows down to normal and the fingers stop trembling. I stand up off the porch, all most in slow motion I take the first step forward with courage and hope revived. I move in the direction of the remote light, the only light I can see, the light of life.

Truly
Abinash