This will help you believe in spirituality - Science, Miracles and Cynicism

I got tagged in photos from a course, YES+, offered by AOL, Madhapur. The pictures depicted the lighter, brighter, laughter and better part of me! It fetched me a lot of attention from my friends. Attentions included cynicism, praise, questions, mockery, disapproval, acknowledgment and so on. I smiled for each. Thanked and appreciated each. Equally. The point is, they are all active (even to be reactive you have to be 'active'!), they are not indifferent, dead-dull. And not being indifferent is a great start! Even in science, the outer planets which have volcanic or atmospheric changes happening (even if its hostile and toxic) it makes scientists smile and being hopeful. Cause if its active, no matter how, some day it will probably prosper! So am happy for all the cynical, doubtful and disapproving friends of mine, you are doing great, keep moving, reacting and criticizing as well, soon you will stumble upon yourself! Criticizing is an even better start. Cause it involves your critical thinning capabilities, rationality and reasoning.  And trust me spirituality is the most logical, rational and critical entity in life! So you are on right track, happy for you.
                                  A friend asked, so the guru can fly? Be at multiple places at same time? Travel faster than light? I smiled, not cause I got nervous, but cause I knew exactly what the answer is. I can safely answer "yes" for all these questions and defend it with facts, laws, reasons - (quantum entanglement, wave particle duality, QED, singularity etc.). But I wanted not to debate neither to confuse. I said, 'I don't know'. But I can tell you how to figure that out. Here is the excerpt of it:
                                  In the macro world, there are two set of laws. One is the Laws of Physics, that govern everything and universally constant (at least in our known universe) and there is the Laws of Nature, your nature, that governs us. Unique to each of us in their manifestation yet fundamentally same! E.g. the way you react and I react to a given situation would vary (as manifestation is unique) but why we reacted and how to control them are same (as foundation is same). We can accept and appreciate the universal laws of physics. And let us agree these laws of physics are constant, no matter if you are human or a stone. They don't discern before they apply. So we can not defy the laws of physics. Who a guru is then? What miracles he can do? He is as well a mortal succumbing to the laws of physics? Yes for the last question. Lets answer the rest two.
Who is a guru?
A guru is a person who has mastered the laws of nature, can control it, influence it and use it for the benefit of just everything! He is no more governed by these laws of nature, he governs them on demand. And to do that you do not have to break the laws of physics which is constant!
What a guru can do?
A guru can be very lucky. Can be a better swimmer than you are even if he is swimming for first time, can memorize a book in 2 hours, can make you laugh, cry in a blink, can be the best athlete, can be the best orator, can ace anything that involves any of the "law of our nature". Cause he governs it! One of the manifestation of this law is emotions. So a guru is beyond these emotions of fear, happiness, sadness, excitement etc. He has one of the most optimized brain and hence can do things which to us, are possible but not probable! E.g. Driving a bike in the opposite direction in a busy one way lane at a high speed, its possible but not probable. Cause it will need a surprisingly fast brain, no fear or excitement and maneuvering skills beyond our reach. Such an event a guru can do. See again, this is like a miracle to us, but does not necessarily need the laws of physics to be broken. He can influence your thoughts, read your mind, heal a body and subside your pain. These are miracles! A miracle not necessarily be impossible, it can just be improbable. So next time  please ask a defendable question, cause there is always a difendable answer! :)

Truly
Abinash

Of Spirituality, Of Sex, Of Youth

Spirituality and I have a long standing relationship. My parents became disciples of a spiritual Guru and I got to know the difference between Guru divas (celebrated in schools back then) and Guru Purnima (celebrated in the ashram) as early as a 6 year old. I soon knew how spirituality is different from religion. And how it was similar. I saw books from Kundalini Yoga to Bhagavatam and loved turning the pages to see the pictures. When I was growing up to become 10, spirituality meant, absence of my parents for few hours and me wandering longing for my mother, sometimes with tearful eyes. I hated the Aashram for this. I have come a long way since then! I have now come in terms with spirituality. What is spirituality? Is it wearing saffron or white, be bald or have long hair and use abstract words as answer? Is it in practicing yoga and singing Bhajans? Or it is simply being a man whom a million follow? Or is it all of the above? Hard to say. But I have a say! It is about still smiling when some one "alleges" you for all of the above. It is about coming in terms with yourself. Being able to love and forgive people, being able to feel good when you buy a new camera and feeling even better when a friend asks for it and you gift it to him with heart. Its the ability to carry many opinions yet believing in one. Its the ability to judge not to judge anyone. Its your presence that makes the difference. Its about loving the whole essence of life and appreciating the fact that you are mortal. This fact of being mortal makes the whole life so precious and worthwhile! Its the ability to carry that happiness in being part of a crowd to remain seclude. It may have different essence in different sects, some say its about Kundalini awakening, its about being a Siddha and its about being the "one" with knowledge and enlightenment  I don't know. For me, from where I stand now its about being aware, everything will pass. the sad parts, the happier ones, just everything. Still being able to remain excited and happy just because you part of it once, you are of it now and you will be again!

Sex as a word makes ripples of current run through your spine as it does as an act. Its one of the best gifts nature has given to human. To love and to lust out of love. Every human act is closely associated with one thing, ego. Ego is the driving force of life. And sex is a man's alter ego. Its spells how you are. A philosopher knows everything in the world are fallacies. But lust of the beloved is a purest form of emotion like true prayer. Its unfiltered, unrestricted, soulfully desired and magnificently ecstatic. I have always been fascinated by it. Desiring to enact myself as the best lover the world has ever seen. Every one does. Often I get obsessed with it too. Not anymore. sex is life in compact. You start excited, you want it to never end, but only the end makes it worth it. And you forget how much you enjoy when you do it. Sex like life is a set of memory. A hundred small things make a complete act of passion. And you try to cling to each of them but you can not as a rule cause you have to rush for the end. That is the goal. And to enjoy it fully you must spend just enough amount of time doing it that your body naturally drives itself to. Otherwise soon its monotonous and you lose the whole purpose of it. Same, analogous to life. Let the mind drive itself. Don't drag it. Don't push it hard. Just remember you have to enjoy each moment of if but its enjoyable cause it has an end, a climax and that keeps you driving. In life you die and in sex you orgasm. Enjoy it, making love to your beloved is not a shameful act live living your life is never one too. The man who says so is the man who never lives. Sex is sin just in dead man's dictionary.

               My beloved's embrace is the heaven for me, I find solace only there
              From ruins I rise too, with the sense of my beloved's desire
              my enemies, the world how would they know, I am a man in love, my soul has caught fire.

Youth is all about power. These are the years you become what you remain for rest of your life. These are the years you build the character you are going to bring up your child with, Love your wife with and support your world with. But like the second law of thermodynamics says the force of entropy will always tend to make you more chaotic! Driving you to love everything, you should not. Today we don't feel "cool" about so many things. Spirituality and sex both are a taboo for us. We avoid  talking about them! We feel ashamed to in being part of a spiritual group and we feel embarrassed to address the strongest force and energy of being youth, the sex urge! We avoid, ignore if nothing works we brazen out. I have done the same so many times. Why? Cause spirituality, like sexuality is very personal. We are insecure sharing it with just anyone! But we are not aware of it. We find it uncool. We feel spirituality will make us look old and sexuality will ruin the "false" images we see of ourselves in others eyes. Its cool to be spiritual! I mean you wear that wayfarer glasses yet able to do Kriya Yoga flawlessly, that's like awesome! You do the kriya yoga, yet can talk about sexuality, its conduct, use, misuse in length before an audience of thousand, that is kick ass. Cause as Indian youth we inherit both! They make the foundation of what we are as a society. We just as youth have successfully managed to misunderstand both. So lets be cool and stop being fool! lets be young while we are young!

Truly
Abinash

Weight loss and Fitness guide for IT professionals

First thing first, IT professionals don't have time and even if they have, they are lazy, I mean mostly.
Whom this guide is for -

• You feel exhausted climbing 3 floors, or feel disgusted if the lift is not working even when you stay on the 2nd floor.
• You struggle hard to pick a pair of jeans that looks fit. You avoid sports t-shirts and of course sports too! 
• You saw your graduation picture or a year old photo in Facebook and thought, dude I "was" smart.

What this guide will help you with-

• Get started being smart soon enough, trust me its real fast!
• Choose a pair of jeans faster and wear those Nike t-shirts and think of being on the ground playing rather than seeing.
• Needless to mention, to build stamina, look brighter, weigh lighter and feel fit.

How the body works -

Lets start with a brief understanding of how body works-

• The body has evolved to keep you fit for survival, make your muscles work and keep you going to cope with fight and flight situations. 
• Our body is not trained enough to burn fat all by itself if we keep using elevators, automobiles. Eat junk food, think negative and keep lying on those cushions. Why? Cause the genes we inherit, have code from time that has got training for physical work, mental fitness, correct food and a scheduled lifestyle. 
• Body has an awesome feature called metabolism, and muscle repair. Keep the metabolism rate high and tear muscles with physical work. And see the results.

The Diet Part and Plan -

• Eat frequently, not necessarily every two our, it can be 1.5 hours to 2.5 hours duration.
• Eat as soon as you brush, eat a fruit, drink some water. What ever but eat. 
• Never skip breakfast, have a wholesome breakfast and drink water up to 0.5 liter in the morning.
• Don't give up eating what you like, like sweets, parathas or ice cream, but eat them in moderation.
• Prefer whole fruit over juices, if drinking juice do NOT add sugar to it. (Fruits already contain enough sugar)
• Take some milk after gyming / working out and a banana or a small piece of chocolate. (Body glucose is used while working out and hence the body starts craving for sugar, to mitigate this a small supply of it soon after gym will do the trick)
• Eat Egg whites ONLY (not the yolk)
• Prefer Grill or Tandoori chicken over deep fried one.
• Eat red meat (e.g. mutton) only occasionally and only consume the meaty / flesh parts avoiding the fatty portions. (The layer that covers the meat is made up of fat, it feels tender, rubbery and sticky to hand. Remove that and eat the meat.)
• Don't eat big suppers. Eat modestly in night and at least 2 hours before sleep. 
• Most importantly always feel good, positive, happy, thankful and confident. (Trust me this catalyzes the process exponentially)

Sample diet of a day (non veg) : - (assuming you wake up at 9 and reach office at 10:30)
This is a sample diet for a day, this can be mixed and matched with similar items for other days.

Time	Food	Why?
with in 30 mins of waking up	0.5 liters of water, An apple	Water will hydrate the body, help in cleansing, and apple will keep the sugar demand in check and give something to the body to start with.
Around - 10:30	Idly + egg whites OR poha / upma + egg white etc.	Egg white provides protein, albumin and helps in burning fat. Idly will give carbs and energy for the day.
12:30	Grilled chicken / chicken curry, 2 chapatis, A full cup daal and some veggies.	Chicken and daal will give protein and veggies gives vitamins.
3:30	peanuts + curd / a sandwich +  a fruit	To keep the enegy up and metabolism going
5:50	A plate of fruit cut / a oil less roll / pongal / a small piece of cake / 2 paratha	gives energy, keeps metabolism going and does not make you feel hungry
Dinner	2/3 chapati + daal + sabji	If you work out in evening, should take milk immediately after working out.

Work outs -
Do not intend to be a body builder. It does not help neither it lasts.
Instead build stamina, muscle strength and toned body.
Stamina building: - 
Stamina is about VO2, stretching your self for prolonged period and getting back the energy level fast.
Run run and run. Play play play. Out door sports are amazing stamina builder. Should be able to run 5k in say 30 mins in 2-3 months of starting your fitness regime.
Start with slower speed and longer duration. Do variations and elevations.
Cycling in gym is not of much help but on road its amazing.
Muscle strength:
Resistance exercise, one or two body parts a day, start with lighter weights and higher repetitions.  Do as per your body permits and time you have. Do not punish your body neither push it too hard.
Toned looks:
Toned looks come once you have strong muscles with above exercise and have burnt enough fat to have
~ 8-10% body fat composition. Fat is essential for body and you should consume good fats like home made ghee, peanuts etc. Its saturated fat that creates problem.

Good diet is say 70% of your solution and work out is 30%. (personal experience).
So don't excuse saying release chal raha hai time nahin hai yaar!
Remember the key is to feel good, positive, happy and confident. Rest is automatic!

P.S. All these are from my personal experience and experiments. Few may sound contrary to usual notion and few might feel like cliche but be assured it worked for me. It may differ from person to person. So understand your body and feel it's needs. Soon you will see you know what it takes, automatically!

Truly
Abinash

The Day Cricket Retired! - A note on Sachin

I was too young to understand the rules. I was too young to be interested in a game played by grown up, matured men. But every body else at home would switch on the TV and spend hours watching 22 men running, jumping, hitting a ball on a packed stadium, in a game of cricket. I grew up watching the same, I grew up watching "Sachin". It was always an unseen euphoria, when ever that "big" to me, tiny to others padded up guy walked out of the dressing room holding that bat onto the field. And the next few ours were pure bliss. I slowly started understanding the rules, admiring the shorts and infallibly became a fan, admirer and follower of Sachin. There was something about him beyond cricket, his presence on field was always mesmerizing and no matter how worse the state the game was in, his presence was always reassuring. Never felt the same for any other cricketer. Ever! For me soon, cricket and Sachin became synonymous. I can't image one with out the other. I can't imagine a day when he would not be playing and I am watching the game. His charm, charisma and talent were addictive! Equally. When ever he used to bat down the order, I used pray for the bats man to get out, so I can watch sachin playing. I do not know what sachin means to Indian cricket, but for me Indian cricket means Sachin.
           I skipped classes, exam preparation and dinner invites to see him play. Each time he drives that white ball beyond that extra cover, leaving a six shadowed man chasing it under that flood light uselessly, I would smile. Involuntarily! And like an action replay, he wold repeat it, nonetheless. He would make the greatest and more fearsome bowlers the world has to offer look silly. Loved by all, admired by each, respected by everyone, probably he is the only Baadshah who never had an enemy, yet concurred every single man.

           Today Sachin retired. For me it meant either cricket as a game ended in the world or the world does not exist anymore for it to be played. But he retired. A man of his character, determination, charm and talent may not ever will be playing the game again. His absence will create an un-fillable void in the cricket lovers. Cricket now will be like a Rasagolla, that dried, it might still taste sweet, look white but can never be a Rasogolla again. With Sachin, I announced my retirement as an ODI viewer, and will never watch a game of ODI again. For me the the Rasgulla is not only dry but it cant taste sweet anymore. I am lucky to have grown up watching this maestro and his humble character.
            Probably he is the only man in cricket whom even Rajnikath can't dare to bowl to. I am proud, I grew up watching cricket, I grew up watching Sachin!

P.S. I hate Dhoni! My friend Shantanu made me realize, I should not hate Dhoni.

Truly
Abinash

An immortal woman

She has been a working woman. Working ever since I know her, day in day out. And she is happy. She hides her sorrow behind smiles, behind the warmth she springs. Complains she never had, demands she never made. Ready to compromise her comfort, willing to work that extra hour. Still she carried that sparkle in her eyes, inspiring all the time. She has been working this way since she was a child. Happiness for her wore a different definition. Meeting others expectations, giving her best on the behest of her own judgment. A moment here and there in my memory lane I could see her crying, a few drops of tears would roll down her face but she has always been prompt to wipe them out leaving no marks. Still she would not complain. She would work. Work like a machine, the best machine. Days fly. Signs of aging shows up, unfazed she was never worried for aging. For her beauty wore a different definition, the smiling faces around her, the joyous yells and charismatic disposition. And she is ever beautiful. Her mornings have always preceded that of Sun's. And night late. She would pick her nagging child up in her arm yet  deliver flawless precision with one hand. No complains. A story teller, a creative director of unseen imagery, a guide, a benevolent human and above all  a teacher. Her embrace always meant comfort. A truest friend in lowest of time, a cheer leader in the happy ones. She has always been there. Always. I have only one image of hers. As if she froze in my memory, and no matter how far back in time I see, I see her that way. Working, smiling, inspiring! She never aged beyond that, like the universe she has been been this way ever. A thousand complains she would listen to and solve each of them, asking in return just smile not even care, attention or affection. She makes food taste better, clothes smell sweeter. Her presence made the house, a home. Time has taken a toll on her body, a wrinkle here and there, hair grayed and eyes can't read with out specs. But that's about the body and she is beyond that. For her time has only strengthened her determination, ability to inspire and affection for everyone. Even now as the time strikes at her, making body weak, legs tremble, she stands undeterred. Firmer than ever, refueled with energy, there to guide, teach and inspire. She is an ever working woman, she is a mother. She is my mother. We call her "Maa".

"A mother is the best pain killer ever created by Dr. God"

Truly
Abinash

Saaraansh

Zindagi ki bheed main aise na khojao
ki parchayi to hai par tum na nazar aao

kuch yaadein lekar tum chale jaoge
kuch yaadein yuhin piche chor jaoge

beeta kal na palat ke wapas ayega
na ye aaj kabhi khud ko dohrayega

zindagi ke kore panno pe shyahee kyun chidakna
wo safed panna bhi ek din yaadon main gujar jayega

yaadon ki kashti main sawar palon ko samet te chalo
kyun ki pattjhad ke baad vasant fir ayega

cheezon ko jakad ke kyun bhaari karte ho bojh
inko peeche chor ke dekho zindagi ka matlab samajh main ayega

Intezaar hai kiska, hai udashi kis baatki
kuch pal beet gaye hain, aur kuch bas lamhein hai baaki

tum bhi gujar jaoge, ye pal bhi beet jayega
aaj tum jahan khadeho, wahan koi aur khel dikhane ayega

is manzar ko samjho, yehi hai saaransh iska
ek pal main tum ho, ek pal main ye khel khatam ho jayega!

- Truly
Abinash

The thing

Prologue: I was smiling, and the laptop played the song.. "Teri keh ke lungaa.." from GoW at its highest volume. Holding a weapon in hand Looking at the burnt remnants, I was smiling.

(30 minutes earlier)
It was not a bad evening at all. The cold breeze and the aroma of flowers were enticing.  "Khoya khoya chaand.." playing in the background would change its pitch with the flow of wind. I was engulfed by the whole moment. like a pinch of salt dissolved in its solvent of water. The music stopped playing and unaware I was in dream. A dream where the music was still playing and my warm breath would resonate with the breeze. The couch never felt any better! Body gave in to its own weight and I was soon in sleep. No sooner I slowly opened my eyes in a slow motion, frowning involuntarily. The music had stopped playing even in my head, I realized. It wasn't the music.. but it was a sound noise I was well aware. "guuuuuuunnnnnnn,,....." and it would die away. I would close my eyes and it was back again.. "guuuunnnnnnnnnnn". Like the music makes you sleep, this one wakes you up. With equal force! Lying on the couch I could see that damn thing moving over my head, in a swift maneuver it would go past my ear taking a sharp turn back over my face. I was helpless. Trying in vain to rescue myself. Struggling with immense frustration, drowsy eyes and a sense of self pity taking over my reasoning. But then not too far.. not real too far... with in my hand's reach I had the weapon of mass destruction! My reasoning took over pity, frustration turned int anger and I grabbed it. The weapon in hand I laid unfazed, determined and my brain went into calculations. It was a sight that thing was coming in with brutal force at me and the noise getting stronger with every passing fraction of the moment. I wanted to make the sight into a scene, a deadly scene. It came close enough and the weapon struck it. I smiled but it faded away as the thing was over my head. Again. It had survived the attack. I failed! All those motivating quotes ran through my mind and I gathered myself up. With an hurt ego, sense of defeat, determination of vengeance I fixed my eyes on it. And there it was in the reach of my long arms (I realized not kanoon only who has long arms), In an matrix style scene it was tried to defy my strike. but this time the moment belonged to me. The mosquito was dead, burning in its electrocuted pier. The weapon of mass destruction had proven itself yet again. The zapper, mosquito killing badminton rocks! Teri kehke leli.

Ek savere ke talaash main

Insano ki ya Insaniyat ki talaash main

aaj nikal pada hun wapas ek savere ki talash main

Khamosiyon main cheekhein gunjti hai ab

Insaniyat ko kahan dhundun, zinda main ya laash main

kisse puchun, kaun bataaye

kaise laun andhere se prakaash main?

Shab ki laalima odhe uss raat main jo khogaye

kahaan dhundu wo chehre, kamjori ya kamjoron main?

Sayad insano ki talaash main
aaj nikal pada hun wapas ek savere ki talaash main.

Truly
Abinash

Is there a thing called a stable marriage and relation ?? - Part 1

Disclaimer: This is more of a mathematical and logical analysis of marriage. This is for rational audience who can enjoy a piece of logic with out any involvement of emotion. Or rather some logical analysis of how relations, trust etc involuntarily get biased by numbers and probability. Normal (non engneer, non scientific-mathematical audience might find it a boring read. But even others might find it as boring! :D )
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Assumptions:

1.  All men and woman are straight
2. all men and woman appear in the "desired" list of each other with some weight. e.g. Some men may be 99% desirable for woman X and some may be just 0.001% for X and vice versa. But every one appears on the desirable list of each other.
3. We have not taken into account the possibility of preference change after they are coupled. (this will over complicate the situation :P) (this will be covered in part 2 of this research.)

Definition:

An unstable marriage: When given a married pair, X-a and Y-b, if man X prefers another woman 'b' more than his current wife 'a' and woman b prefers X more than her current man Y, then X-b is called a unstable pair. 

Any pair (X-Y) when not an element of the "unstable" set is said to be a stable pair.
Lets see:
Assume we have a sample set of 26 males marked as A,B,C,D....Z and a sample of 26 females marked as a,b,c,d....z.
Ask each of the man and woman to form a list desired partner in the order of precedence.
For example the list may look something like this:
Male                                             Female
-----                                             --------
A: b,s,d,c....                                 a: C,D,B,Z....
B: b,a,c,t....                                  b: A,P,C,W...
C:a,b,c,r....                                  c: B,D,S,T....   
(This just an example combination shown here)

Now our job is to find how many "stable pair" can be formed which can result in a happy and trustworthy marriage. One of such approach as it would occur to mind first is to  go on forming pairs based on the preference list. Call a pair when a mutual inclusion of male,female exist in their preference list high on precedence. And swap it when encounter a yet higher mutual precedence. Example: Initially (B-c) will be paired but later their partners can be swapped and they may form a more stable pair like (C-a) and (B-c)
This seems working here but it may lead to re-swap and hence form an infinite loop on a bigger data set.
So lets first solve the problem at hand to form stable couples set:
pick an unpaired male X and the list female x on his list(first preference)
remove x from his list and check if x is already paired
if already paired then check if X appeared on a higher precedence then x's current partner in her list (if x is unpaired then pair up X-x for now)
          if yes then pair up x with X and continue with the next male.
else if X does not appear on a higher precedence on x's list as compared to her current partner then pick next female on X's preference list.
Now so far so good! We feel we can actually form a stable marriage and stay happy(works for an arranged marriage). But in a real world we don't run such an exercise while considering to get married. So I tried to just have some data around it and apply for game theory to see what might be the trend look like if we consider married people or people newly in love and assign a weight to their trust and relation how would it look like. I asked a few people to answer a few questions:
1. What their dream partner attributes look like
2. How often they end up admiring some one from opposite gender cause he/she matched with some of the attributes they admire are present in them?
3. How many such people are around them in acquaintance circle who can match their criteria?
4. What is the attribute precedence list look like for them?
and few other question which were little private and optional for them to answer like their sexual behavior and compromising point of "more-moral-ego-based-attribute" to a "more-materialistic-based-attribute" Like a happy charming fellow's charm compromised to someone else's salary etc.

One I had the answers to these questions. My job was to do a little research to find out from their Facebook behavior what they tend to like + how many guys at least I think match their criteria. And once let us say paired, what are the emotional, geographical exposure they will have to the other potential matches we had found earlier. All these taken into consideration with the futuristic projection of the change in the "desired attributes" in the partner and other potential candidates makes a recipe for stable and trustworthy relation! Lets take an example first of Male A and female 'c':

Male A say is paired with female 'c'. Male A's criteria looked like
- Good looks, decently educated, fair skinned, lovable, belonging to a reputed family background, easy going, working
- With these criteria he got married to female 'c'.  Attributes female c had in reality - good looks, fair skin, a well earning day job, higher educated, independent mind and lifestyle, easy going.
- 'c' had criteria of a match as - presentable, tall, secure job, good sense of humor, dependable background with handsome earnings, extrovert.
Attributes male A had in reality - Good looks, tall, handsome earning, not that dependable background, extrovert with a big friend circle, high educated, secure but frequently travelling job.
Female 'c' has exposure to matching criteria males in job, from past friends, in society she lives.
Male A has exposure to matching criteria females in cities he travels to, from past friends, in society he lives, in parties etc (as he is extrovert and has a huge friend group).

Let us say these criteria changed in both partner's after few years the female stopped working or male lost job, male/female or both deteriorated in looks, easy going became tough given social complexities.

In such a situation the probability of choosing another partner becomes prominent. Lets see how prominent by applying some game theory to it. And lets see should one break the trust in a situation like above?

N.B. (I will post a follow up on this today. Either will update the same blog or post a new one on top of this. As its growing big, am breaking it into two. :) till then keep wondering and let me know your guess to the above question in the comments.

Truly
Abinash

Why me?

"Why this has to happen at all.." he sniffed. "I have been a loving father, a caring husband and a hardworking man. Then why me? So many people in the world overlook their fundamental family and social responsibilities. So many people breach rules, behave violently posing a threat to others comfort and life!" he said in a rather drab voice.
It calls for a serious probe as to why by any chance a sane and "moral" man has to suffer when there are more (suffering) deserving people living out there happy and healthy lives? Deep within I could relate to it. The feeling I mean! It did not take me long to realize its not the pain of the suffering alone. Its more about self condemnation. When ever we see a man suffering the first thought that strikes involuntarily is the sense of relief , of course we feel compassion, a strong desire to help etc. but these more 'moral' feelings follow because we are relieved that we are not in that situation! Its built into our genes, coded into the very nature of intelligent life. And when we fall prey to one such disease or trauma our sense of relief  goes through turmoil and we find it hard to accept, how come we could be hit when we sailed un-hit so many other times?
By the law of religion: 
If we see what answer religion may have to offer or why we feel more pain, fascinates me!
Religion (all of them) teaches us to be moral, self controller, compassionate and charitable. It says the bad must suffer, the sinful must burn in hell and the selfish must bear the pain. And living by this code we every moment struggle to self-justify that we are righteous, selfless and helpful. This eternal struggle is but a friction to the very nature of our gene. Our genes are coded to be most selfish for survival. They affect out thoughts and behavior. We give up being ration and try to be a religious man not cause we know we should be more cause we are afraid of being the victim. And when we are the victim our trauma magnifies by many folds. To console, religion did an amendment with multiple birth theory and karma being calculated and carried over to next births etc. But that hardly explains why some one has to suffer while other get away with ill doing.
Law of Nature:
There are laws of nature which are universally the same for every one. does not discern people over money, sex, religion, dead, living or anything. If you exist in this universe the laws apply on you! Its a random choice. A random selection that one encounters a fortune or a misfortune. For example 10 people went for a hike, 9 survived but just one toppled over the peak to a fatal fall. Now what caused him fall? Gravity! and gravity was working on each individual out there on the top. But why only one has too fall? Its a random event if we look just by the law of nature.
              But if you take a bottom up approach and connect the dots we may figure out a reasoning why he had to fall and why he had a bigger chance of falling then others. The choices we make at any moment they affect the yield of the next moment. There ain't anything called completely random. Things are biased in a smaller sample, adding to a bigger pattern and each bigger pattern summing up to form another. However these patterns as of today can only be understood looking back, once the events have already occurred. So for us the why me part of the problem does not really going to help. If we think rationally we already knew why me.
Game theory explains:
Let us assume all beings in the universe are rational. Life is a variety of game. Where we make choices to maximize pay-offs. Pay offs like a better lifestyle, success, happiness, relations, social status etc. We deal with fellow competitors(humans). Now if we look at it we can find we spend maximum energy calculating and comparing the relative pay off. Comparison we make with other competitors. This nature tempts us to bias our decisions and hence we choose non optimized strategies just to land on a much less pay off than what we should have got. But over all prize in the whole game is constant so when some one looses because of a choice some one else must with on that move. And that's how exactly it all works.  So the best way to play life would be to device a strategy which is indifferent of other loss or gain and we always choose to maximize our own pay offs and make honest decision. This will improve the over all game condition.


Why me?
You cause you are a 'random' choice of the laws of nature
You cause your decision biased nature's random choice making your selection slightly more probabilistic
You cause religion does not really help neither being religious in defying nature's laws

Truly
Abinash

Anjaan

Tanha mushafir ki tarah chalna gavaraa nahin
khaamosi main jo gunjtaa hai wo dil hai mera, koi aawara nahin
kabhi to pehchaan le in nazron ko e-zaaaleem
main bheed main shameel ek chehra anjaanaa nahin.

Truly
Abinash

How

how some one's smile can bring me tear?
some one's happiness, piercing the heart like a spear.

How it really feels to see the cause of your sorrow
may bring smile to some one tomorrow.

What I flinged as nothing,
it was but some one's everything!

And thats how some one's smile can bring me tear
and you never really understand, cause you were never there!

Consciousness as I perceive it

As a kid I was always fascinated by almost everything I saw. I wanted many of them. After a long day when I go to bed I used to dream, dream of  thoughts coming form real experiences from day mixed with the imaginations I could possibly make. It was always reality till I wake up to the reality in the morning in a confused mind. It comes over like a infinite loop of thoughts.
                                Consciousness is one of the most fascinating and abstruse topics out there. Am I not conscious when I am deep in sleep dreaming? Or am I not conscious when I am so focused that am not able to hear the loud music playing next to me? Consciousness has been described by philosophers and lately by scientists to be a mental state of awareness of the surrounding, the connection our brain has with the information it has at that given moment and the perception it generates from it. Correct they are, may be. Religion has a different take, they relate it to the hidden power every human has in their body, when a human body becomes aware of this power and the power hence rises to the highest position a man becomes conscious universally, and he is the one called the conscious man.
                                Consciousness as neurologists describe it is a process of action and transmission mechanism by the billions of neuron in the brain achieved through synapses. I agree. But the neurons in our brain are connected with 6 senses and generates a set of information from it. Taking the brain from one state to another every fraction of second. The eyes, ears, touch, smell, taste and sense of feeling (cold, heat, fear, instinct etc). These senses gives data to the brain and brain generates information from it for us to have a unique perception varying by the state of brain we are in while we do the processing. The perception not necessarily be in the realm of reality it can actually be an illusion. Let us say I am confined in a room and the room walls are transparent enough that I might not be ever able to perceive the wall until I crash into it. But given that the room is sufficiently large, I would rather not crash into it. Nor I will even try to cause I am unaware of it in my present consciousness. The world might be a same case. We are bound by the play of Maaya. Never aware that we are confined in it. Never trying to cross pass it and enlarge our awareness into the reality beyond the walls. There is a connection between every element in the universe. They all came to being from nothingness. And are made up from the very same fundamental particles. Every object in the universe is a metamorphosis of the very fabric of the space time in the universe. So how can there is not a connection? This when we take a billion light years top view will be nothing but a network similar to what we have in our brains! A network of all the objects in the universe but each hidden from other with in a realm of virtuality as explained in the confined room example above. Only the objects beyond their respective walls are connected in this supreme and infinite network of information and aware of every thing in the universe. The present state, the past it was in and the future it might ever be in. The play of Maaya is then broken and these objects become conscious. the closest we can ever be to beat this play of Maaya is in a human.
                                            Physics has laid down laws saying information is never lost in the universe. The other laws of physics as it says neither the energy is ever lost, its just transformed from one state to other. But once this conversation complete where is the information of the past state? Where is the information what happened during the transformation? This is not lost cause the whole system is connected like neural network and its stored in the universal consciousness. We can always be aware of such a thing and retract mathematically to see the possibility of the earlier state. The surety can only come when we are connected to the infinite universal consciousness. Once connected we would never need history to be written ever! One day when we live long enough we might have mathematical proof for the presence of this boundary, the Maaya. and may be that day we will take our stride to live beyond the wall. But for me we all are but living in an illusion in a realm too small, in a confined cell.

P.S. A more technically detailed article(analogy with fractals, evolution of the universe and the significance of black holes with information theory and how it effects the entropy of the universe) I have written but for readers convenient have not posted that. Interested reads can leave a comment and I would share it with them.

Truly
Abinash

How Chetan Bhagat got from "kicked on ass" to "kick-ass": A take on Indianness

India is a vast nation, indeed like the universe. Negligible substance and substantial emptiness! Just so friendly that any sound made will be echoed. And we the Indian? Aah.. we have vitiated ourselves to such a stance that if a sound is made potentially it is presented as noise then considered chaos and it plays havoc! Our heroes are different than the rest of the world. We believes in miracles, we trust in word more than actions (unless it is on silver screen), we are the only channel where sound travels faster than light! Really trust me. Lets do a case study of it by taking the Chetan bhag example. You all know him, don't you?
                               Chetan bhagat writes a "crap" book called five point someone (come one count how many times he has used 'crap' in it then call me wrong) and it rides on the middle class dream of IITs and IIMs to hit the best seller stand. Now we the middle class are actually literally middle class. Like middle finger, middle body part, middle of the road (the divider), middle of no where and middle of a gay island, we the middle class are here just to symbolize "fucked up" things. So how could we ever miss out on some thing like one night at call center and three mistakes of my life which are so fucked up already! We made them an instant hit. So now this guy Mr. Bhagat was considered the best writer ever in his own right or rather rite. He being a investment banker earlier how could he miss on such an opportunity to ride the tide. He made controversies when ever possible and where ever possible. Whats most frustrating is the recent fiasco on NRN's comment. He is a man who gave Indian software industry a new definition,  he made a comment on IITs, a personal opinion. The guy equipped with the sensing capabilities of a dog, pokes his nose and makes an outrageous comment. Then comes the indian media. They have the capabilities of a diarrhea-ed buffalo herd to make the whole place shitty. And they did exactly that! Look at the home page of CNN-IBN

NRN essentially made a sound, a personal sound. Mr. Bhagat made it a loud noise and the media now makes it a chaos! So indigenous an art we have!  Bhagat's argument is NRN should understand it might hurt people even if you speak the truth! Now what the heck that means on earth? And where is that "sense-of-restraint-for-not-hurting" when he calls a 1.5 Lakh populous company a 'body shop'. May be body shop means the same as consulting outsourcing but had they been really same we would not call pussy as vagina. I don't want to take a communication course for Mr. writer. NRN said what he felt and he told in a polite and formal manner. Even myself before making a statement like Mr. Bhagat would think twice what my parents taught me "bolne se pehle kuch nahin to umra ka lihaaz kiya karo". But my real frustration is not with Mr. Bhagat actually. Its with the media. Yaar kya hogaya tumko? I mean, how can that be a headline for a day "Bhagat not sorry for calling infy a bodyshop". Now who cares if he is sorry or not. Who cares really? He being sorry wont make Infy a 100 billion dollar company neither that will make India shining in reality, but yes it can certainly make his next to be published "crap" an instant hit. He got what he wanted. The media got what it wanted. Murthy takes home frustration and we take home a more foolish us!

On seriousness, laziness and happiness

Disclaimer: This is like a preachy note from second paragraph, don't read if you hate them :D

I have always been lame. More because I am too lazy to try and understand things. I am happy in my own den. Lately I do not tend to pick discussion/argument and I choose to ignore anything that is not humorous or vulgar. I have lost that conspicuous desire to be taken notice of and the oozing dream of being looked at by every other girl. They seem boring now. I enjoy just sitting with a void mind, my back resting on the couch, head thrown back. Not even willing to fantasize I rather choose to listen to people and laugh about it on my own. I was told I must be serious, its serious discussion, I just can't laugh like that.
My mind rushed back in time till my childhood, its not new that I am being asked to be attentive for a "serious" discussion. It has always been the case with me. After puting a lot of load on my grey matter I could finally understand what is classified as a serious issue. Let's bullet them down:

• Anything that can result in loss or profit of money
• Anything that can result in win or loss of "image" you carry
• Anything that can result in increase or decrease in age
• Anything that goes against the self interest

All of these point revolve around one central point and that is "defending your self interest". Nobody is exactly the person every one else thinks him to be. Including his parents/spouse. But he spends his life defending that perception which varies from each person to the other, quite an engaging job isn't it? Engaging enough to comsume a lifetime! After a particular age, does it matter if you live 10 years more or 10 years less? To me it does not. self interest changes with time, age, context, mood and accessibility so a lot of variable factors attached. Can not spend time brooding over somthing so unstable. Aspirations, ambitions, award, reward all fall under it. Brain is an amzing machine you remember those moments from past when you were not "so serious" about it. Cause those moments made you ecstatic.
In reality there ain't anything called as a serious thing, everythying is as nonsensical as any other. Life is like a F1 race, all you have to do is take a seat, fast the seat belt and enjoy the ride! If you concentrate too much on the drift, gear, clutch, tuning and winning you lose all the beauty and fun. Cause it does not matter if you end top or bottom or not even complete the journey. Wht matters and true is 'it ends anyway' with or with out you.

Truly
Abinash

The black holes and Life: Are we real?

A black hole as it has turned out to be is an object in space with say infinite gravitational force and exhibits singularity at its center. Singularity is a mystery in the current scientific realm. All we know about it is, its a phenomena where all known law of physics, space and time break down. Matter vanishes, and time ends. Now from Einstein's general theory of relativity it comes as a fact that universe is a fabric of space and time. Upon this fabric gravity has a wrapping effect. That means two gravitational monster can connect to each other through their centers and make travel possible between two point in the universe which apparently would have been impossible otherwise. So if we think we can develop such technology and science some time far in future to sustain through the event horizon of  a black hole and travel almost at the speed of flight, then we might as well make it possible to travel the universe end to end in a single life time. This may require twisting the space time fabric over the dimensions oblivious to our observation. But with time man either can become aware of further dimensions after the evolution of human brain naturally over a long enough time or man can device ways to do it with scientific technology. Either way it will certainly become possible.
                        And obviously time will be squeezed. Like time is nothing but a sense of changing states. When we had no jet planes we took the slow roadways to reach from a source to destination and that might require say a day long journey. Our presentation over space and time graph took a longer value in time for the same displacement in space. Now it might just take an hour for the same displacement. We can think of it as being time has been prolonged for us as we now can observe more states in space in the a given span of time. So if we continue to make this transition faster and faster enough we can actually live as much life we do now in just one day. It essentially becomes equivalent to as if a day for a man in that future time will be like a life time for us  (Here I have assumed life to be a set of experiences of transitions from one state to another). A man in future can actually theoretically squeeze space over a smaller span of time and if the trend continues its actually possible that some day in future man can travel seamlessly between ant part of the space over a very infinitesimally small time. Almost like a man appearing at many places at the same instance.

                          All these are possible when man can master the science of delving into the center of a Blackhole , cross the singularity and resurrect himself again. As we learn the most fundamental foundation of physics is: information is always preserved. Matter loses it's form as time may pass but the information is always preserved in the building blocks of the matter. A black hole is nothing but a collection of infinite energy and matter, infinite amount of information. A man who can cross the singularity can actually recreate anything, just anything by using that information stored in the black hole. Hence a man in future can actually recreate a world that we call our present.
                            Now coming to the main point I wanted to make here. All these scientific explanations written above are a deliberation to prove what we chose to call as God and miracles. It leads me to think of two possibilities.
1. Else where in the universe life was created much before than on earth: (below points are two possibilities form this main assumption)
    1.1 Else where in the universe life was created much before than on earth, millions or thousands of years prior to the creation of life on earth. at such a time that at present the man in that world are evolved enough to adhere to the powers and properties described above. And in reality life was never created on earth actually. Earth would become just a recreation of the information of the past of that world. Like a prototype earth exists, in their illusion and our reality. In reality we are non existent in the current universe. We are just a set of reconstructed model, illusions in the current real universe.
     1.2 We are real. And we are governed by those advanced creatures who took birth and evolved much before us.We might just be living a world governed by them. And they exhibit the qualities as described above scientifically.so we consider them as "God". And some day we might as well reach that level of intelligence and govern another world as being god ourselves.
      1.3 We are robots. Programmed by them. Living in their design. One of the most extraordinary design. We are fake creatures of their will. Our thoughts, future, every choice we make is predefined and well programmed. Our fate is predetermined. We are here just to be terminated after execution like any other computer program.

2. We are the only creature in the universe:
that way some day will come  where some one else will be writing a same blog and we will be the advanced creature in the point above.

For me its more like we are living some one else's dream world.

Truly
Abinash

And four years have passed....

It was not funny. I landed on Bangalore not being airborne but from a second class sleeper coach of a roaring Indian railway express. Krishnaraj Puram it read. Overcast it was, looked rather gloomy. Clinging to my VIP Alfa small suitcase and an MRF emblemed brown  air bag I took a deep breath of the moist air. Anxiety was overwhelming as I could remember it now. Crowd rushing down the platform, people hurling greetings at each other, laughter, the hawker's yell all dissolved slowly into the air. My anxiety grew, suddenly I caught myself stranded amongst unknown faces, unknown land and unknown language. Restless eyes searched for the guy, promised me to see me on the platform. I was clueless where to go. My asset included an SBI atm card with 5000/- rupees in it and books, many of them. My restless eyes struck to a distant face and it brought me smile, a real satisfying smile of relief, joy. It was the guy who was to see me. Riding onto my first BMTC experience in a crowed bus he asked, "so how do you feel at the first sigtht?". It was like a convoy of bmtc buses for me, one after another staked on. I snapped "sad". Indeed it was. I hated the overcast weather, noise, crowd, big buses, heavy traffic. It was for my first experience in any metro city. We started walking towards the house from the bus stop, its near by just 2 km he would say. Crossed level crossing, fields, muddy roads and body almost gave in to the weight of the bags. Finally the 3rd floor 1bhk apartment was at sight. I smiled again. With relief.
It was soon dusk and I was led to the 'bakery'. Bun samosa he ordered. I felt its luxurious here. Bun samosa was a luxury for me. Took a look around, it whole sight was filled with young people most of them like me had come to take a bet on the future. A job in IT. It did not took me long neither to get used to the two kilometer walk down the mud till the bus stop nor hating the bun samosa I considered luxury. Time flew and luck was considerably benevolent on me. I had won the bet. Got a job before runing out of the 5000/- rupees, the only sum I had and would have.
                   Four years have passed since then. And I have fallen in love with city again and again every time I tried to break off. The charm holds you in her arms and you feel engulfed in her lust. Now I seldom take that train, I get airborne. Now I seldom take the bus, I hire cabs. Now I seldom eat bun samosa, I devour sizzler, now I seldom hate the overcast weather, I love it.
     This city has given me luck, charm, love, tears, smiles, friends and above all an identity. A respect in the society and a voice of my own. She has strewed joy on me. Now when I leave her behind the four years play before my eyes. Play in slow motion for me to realize that each sight was indeed a scene and I gulp it down my soul. I smile at her and she smiles back at me. She does not complain, does not demand. She just awaits for a new lover. Love you Bangalore.

P.S. As I am leaving Bangalore for Hyderabad, I must acknowledge the love bestowed on me. Thanks to every one.

Truly
Abinash

Why I hate Shahrukh Khan

Shahrukh Khan and I share a bad old relation and it goes back to the time of his movies like "Raju bangaya gentleman". It was the first movie I watched in a theater. And I slept to loose my floaters. Now so many years have passed since then and every year infallibly Shahrukh added some more reasons to make him more loathsome to me.  The reasons are (not in the order of precedence, they are randomly placed )

• He is the only creature who sounds like a goat, but never tastes like one.
• He got into cricket, to make the neat place where a four was cheered with hooting, converted to goating... heyyyyyy......  foooouuurrrrrrr haaaaaaannn......
• He dared to drop Dada!
• He is a liar, even after being made legal, he did not come out in public to accept his relation with Karan Johar.
• He is the protagonist in Rabne Banadi Jodi
• All the people I hate Love Shahrukh Khan, so my hate for him is just Transitivity of Mathematics
• His film, My name is Khan and I am a fatuu never got released.
• Human rights and environmentalists should sue him, he has sucha  big nose he consumes as much as 3 times more oxygen, hence making two people die being breathless some where. 
• The girls I like, like Shahrukh khan instead, cause they find him homogeneous. 
• Once I wore a t-shirt with his name printed and I was chased by dogs.
• Personal Reasons. :D

Many reasons.. so many that my  blogger space will be reaching its limits. 

That thing called - Career

As far back I can remember I can recall this word - "career". It has always been there, like a shadow. When I grew up as a kid dusting my heavily mudded half pants all I could understand from this word was the very own career (meant to carry) on bicycles, often sticking to the rear end just above the mud guard. But as soon as I started recognizing the English Alphabets at class 5, the definition changed. I would heard of it very often and mostly with a serious and heavy tone attached to it. Must be a big thing I would wonder. As a kid I was told I was bright, bright in school. I used to feel happy with that appreciation and motivated at times. For me school was just fun, nothing more, nothing less. I had no interest in those thin books (booklets?) nor in the maadams (didis) who terrorized the class with sticks. But I was told I must top the scholarship exams since class 3. It was considered prestigious. My mom would teach me and she taught me well. I topped then. I would over hear, Sibun has a good career. He will do well in career. I would feel happy, and take pride among my school mates. 

I grew up a little more joined a boy's high school, The class teacher told good career should be the only motto of our life and he would spend the class boasting about how his eldest son is a senior Police inspector and youngest son is a doctor. It was boring, I hated coming to school. But then i was supposed to build good career. My intrinsic desires paved way to extrinsic decisions imposed on me. I had to top the class seventh scholarship exam, its a district level exam after all. Topping it would mean I am best in the district. I did. I was immeasurably happy. Teaches appreciated and relatives congratulated. I was in highschool. I moved to class 8th. My class teacher was a mathematics teacher he would love me and often say I do good in maths, he used to humiliate my fellow classmates citing my example how I solved it and how they could not. I felt happier. I was sadist. It harmed their "career" and it harmed mine too. I was discussed among my highschool teaches that I will have a good career. I grew up little more older. Now I was the fore speaker of this word. I was in my intermediate college. I loved Physics, but I loved cricket and my adolescent psychology more than physics. But I hated everything else, the maths to chemistry. I was told to prepare for IIT. But by then I was beginning to have my own set of likes dislikes and decisions. I played cricket and more cricket. I would feel an unusual attraction towards girls, many fantasies would come to the mind. And I did what I liked then, playing more cricket. I felt happier to hit a boundary and not to solve a problem from mathematics. I decided I will have a career in cricket. But they was but a bubble. It busted with out noise. I did not go to IIT and I joined a rather "not so good" college. I was told I don't have career now. And my career is dim lit. I was rebuked, by the same who once assured I have a bright career. But what was my fault? I just did not appreciated and enjoyed reading the Russian Author text books. So career is a variant in the reaction of life, I learnt. I was in the final year of engineering when the placements began. I was told I would be the first to get a job by my professors. They were wrong. But this time I did not smile or felt happy when they said so cause I had understood the fallacy of the word "career". Right then a new definition was entered to my own lexicon by the visiting companies. Career is 60% in all boards. And once placed, just any guy with any company with a headcount of lakhs and salary calculated in terms of "per annum", was told he is bright, has a good career. Appreciation flooded to each of such person who was placed in those interviews saying what a bright career they have. And everyone was enriched with satisfaction that he achieved  he target, the "career". Job done. 

                              I am no different. I am part of that crowd, timid, coward, craving all life long for getting a social nod for identity and Majorly mediocre. All the life long we sacrificed our fun in childhood, the desire to explore in the highschool, the sense of freedom in junior college and the power to learn in graduation to achieve this one thing? A face less few kilo over weight "another guy" in the crowd thousand. The definition of career started with district level scholarship exam, ran thru iit preparation, ended with a final definition of 60% in boards and a job letter to be lost in the masses. All career long, this thing called career has taken everything. And now its taking even more when you go to office on Monday morning and the boss snaps on your face "don't you want a good career? if you really want start being proactive and finish things over weekend". Is career ne leli yaar humari to. 

On Bangalore

Life revolves in this city of joy. Making rounds of the same corners, same humor, same routines and same feelings. Bangalore has always been predictable, utterly disgusting at times and nagging, yet it manages to seduce you with its charm, may be that why Bangalore is like your wife. The trees and the warm sunny mornings makes you its slave. Enchanting sights of the cosmopolitan modernized women appeal you as much as the empty roads on a early Sunday morning. With day's break the rush of back pack clad people hurl onto the roads to rig it off its innocent emptiness. The red signals stop them to feed the numerous stranded beggars rounding up in torn cloths. The rush ends behind the glass walls of the air conditioned buildings of tech parks. These buildings and the computer staring masses in it make Bengaluru, Bangalore. The charm of the city is like the neighbor's charming  wife, you always look at it with lust and relentlessly try to engulf it. The bizarre nomenclature of localities to the monotonously same menu at each 'Tiffin' join spells the fusion of Bengaluru and Bangalore.
                              Beauty has always been its attraction, may it be its green parks or faired skinned, beautiful legged women rushing down Brigade road. Malls make landmarks of the city. They are all over it, claiming their own share of belongingness. Its a city where money flows, even in the small pani puri thela stalled at the road side. The crowd that rave the roads are pretentiously intellectual. Two wheelers with a round assed girl on the back clinging to the rider is as common a sight as jammed traffic. Variety of man make this place what it is, every form of art has a respectable place here, including crime. Bangalore is like a modern girl friend, you love being with, feel warm and cozy, but scared of getting married to. The city is just like the young dweller of it, restless.
Welcome to the city of love, spirit, engineers and malls. Welcome to Bangalore, my girl friend Bangalore.

Truly
Abinash

Of life, Of love, Of sex

Life always fascinates me, it fascinated me as a joyful child and as a mournful loner. I was creative as far back as I could remember and I can sense it diminishing thoroughly as my memory retreats from that far back time to reach present. It has been kinda smooth for me, the life. I almost never worried much as to what I would do when I grow up, I never spared my thought to find out what are my natural instinct and dreams. I have always been lazy, sensitive to emotions, marginally insecure and broadly nonsensical. My natural instinct would be to reject any idea that I fear is superior to that of mine, instantly. But then I have come in terms with that behavior and have made it perish lately. I have learnt to accept things for the way they are, people for the way they are. And its a pleasing sense. Much better than the sadist egoistic satisfaction I used to get by rejecting them earlier. I feel more secure now, my thought remain more indifferent to the outer world that way. Life has brought me many surprises. Most of them are good and for good. I feel lucky. And thankful most of the times. Dubious incidents now make sense to me and I rejoice. I feel change is good and thrive for it. My inner most desire to cling to the things I love, things I want to preserve has faded away. This desire of holding makes you unhappy. As my heart is now relieved of any such desire, I find my thoughts falling into place, mostly filled with satisfaction and not obsession. Life as I have learnt is a set of memory, good or bad, but its just a set of memory. Imaginations take shape and I see my life, now more beautiful  and free. Free of restricted dreams, sublime fame, sense of  obvious pretense for being in a society of materialistically gone mad fellow living beings.  I now feel no sad for my fame to die or name to go bad. For my face not being recognized by college juniors, smiles not being given back by beautiful colleagues. Euphoria and ecstasy drive me away not being drifted by the magnetic fatal attraction of  wealth, fame and "sense of achievements". Life is to live, and living is synonymous to happiness. Happiness is a fairly uncomplicated term and never momentary. I feel lucky and I feel more happy as I feel I am mortal. I feel my life has just begun.

Love is a good thing to experience. It makes you smile when you are alone. Sitting on a deserted hillock or on your porch, you feel you belong to some one. Your heart race and blood pressure builds, eyes closed you delve into dreams. Pure euphoria. Love for me has never been a boon. I tried to make love my mistress may be and it cursed me. I was always longing to be in love. And I fell in it indeed. For that part of my life I would name it lovely. Yes, thats how you feel. Lovely. Concentration rich the peak it can ever get to. Always focused on the loved one. Smiles never stop, and joy seems just to be beginning every passing day. In the shadows of unknown crowd and strange land the sens of your hand being held by the one you love, the sense of you love being with you makes you sail. You embark unafraid of the storms that may await you. Just you. You defy the misfortune that may lust you. But love is too mortal like man. Its born as a cute innocent thing, grows to become a complex, confused and entangled not-so-good thing and die naturally or mutilated in an undesired way. But it dies with or before you. An unnaturally dead love, leaves scars that hurt and haunt for the rest of life. Still "peeda main anand jise ho, aye wo meri madhushala". Love is the only of its kind where even paint is ecstatic. You restlessly chase this pain, just to get possessed by it once. And this pursuit is worth it.

                 He who feels the pain of his own soul, and clings to it

                and yet thrives to spend his whole life, in that one moment of pain

               he is the man in true love, he is the man of true form

Love is the drink of gods disguise, this moment is your last chance, go get drunk.

Sex as a word makes ripples of current run through your spine as it does as an act. Its one of the best gifts nature has given to human. To love and to lust out of love. Every human act is closely associated with one thing, ego. Ego is the driving force of life. And sex is a man's alter ego. Its spells how you are. A philosopher knows everything in the world are fallacies. But lust of the beloved is a purest form of emotion like true prayer. Its unfiltered, unrestricted, soulfully desired and magnificently ecstatic. I have always been fascinated by it. Desiring to enact myself as the best lover the world has ever seen. Every one does. Often I get obsessed with it too. Not anymore. sex is life in compact. You start excited, you want it to never end, but only the end makes it worth it. And you forget how much you enjoy when you do it. Sex like life is a set of memory. A hundred small things make a complete act of passion. And you try to cling to each of them but you can not as a rule cause you have to rush for the end. That is the goal. And to enjoy it fully you must spend just enough amount of time doing it that your body naturally drives itself to. Otherwise soon its monotonous and you lose the whole purpose of it. Same, analogous to life. Let the mind drive itself. Don't drag it. Don't push it hard. Just remember you have to enjoy each moment of if but its enjoyable cause it has an end, a climax and that keeps you driving. In life you die and in sex you orgasm. Enjoy it, making love to your beloved is not a shameful act live living your life is never one too. The man who says so is the man who never lives. Sex is sin just in dead man's dictionary.

       My beloved's embrace is the heaven for me, I find solace only there

      From ruins I rise too, with the sense of my beloved's desire

     my enemies, the world how would they know, I am a man in love, my soul has caught fire.

Truly

Abinash

The plan is : there is no plan.

What we are taught at the B-schools and what we learn behind the big glass building sitting across the table with fluent, apt and distinguished personalities is art of planning . But do we really need it? And whats a plan after all? considerable amount of literature and philosophy has been developed on the law of nature, how luck works, how the nature has a plan for you. And in modern day we try and overlook completely that and tend to over depend on the planning ability of a human brain. But if we try and take a closer look, we find there is no single instance where a plan has succeeded 100%. And even when we claim it was planned, it was serendipity in disguise.
Planning does one thing for sure, blocks our wide vision and streamlines it in one direction. Planners call it 'focused approach'. I call it closed approach. My vision is blind to other possibilities. I don't see any other road. And the worst part is probability of better ways being there is more and I choose to blind myself. A man has 6 senses. And the 6th sense is the gut instinct driven by trust and grown by experience. Like dog we can sense danger, we can sense euphoria, we can sense when some one in interested. The same sense can come handy in picking up what the best we can choose among the ones we have in disposal. Nature drives you to realize the potential in you and you must be driven. We must give serendipity the deserving share of it existence in our life. Let not plan block its way and we grow complacent with a mediocre result.
A planned way can always be traversed, but an unplanned way can not be traversed by planning. so what if it fails? It leads to dead end? We can come back to the same junction and walk the planed path.
In my experience in the software industry as a developer in a team, I understand planning fails. We must have a certain directives like which direction to look at, and the goal must set. But the path must not be defined. The planning fails with the tendency to define even the path. All we need to do is believe and vision. Rest let the nature lead us to that, we must be ready to work for it.

Truly
Abinash

Dekhi ye duniya

Bewafayee dekhi, rushwayee dekhi
dekhi ye duniya iski tamashahi dekhi

manzar dekhe, najare dekhe
dekhi hai zindagi, iski farmayish dekhi

lazawab wo hushn dekha, bemishal uske paentare
mohabbat main shikasht dekha, gamseen wo sarphire

sazi hui dewarein dekhi, aur dekhe hare bhare khet
naqab posh wo insaan dekhe, zindagi ko jakadein jaise mutthi main ret

mehfeelein dekhin, matam dekhi
dekhi ye duniya, iski sachhai dekhi.

Truly
Abinash

Love and betrayal

Under a full moon, on a rose bed she surrenders her glowing body
embraces with a pure heart and submits the bare soul
holding the gaze in eyes, she vows to renounce the world and merge in his heart
clinging to the body he desired, holding to the soul he loves
he succumbs to the faith she bestowed and believes it for life
Such is the innocence of a man in love and such is the deception of the woman with him!
Only the time  discerns the man's trust and the woman's betrayal!


- Abinash


Truly
Abinash

HBO Documentary film - Terror in Mumbai

Terror in Mumbai - 26/11

HBO's documentary film on Mumbai terror attack.
The conversations(between the terrorists and their handlers)  intercepted by Indian intelligence clear and detailed. Its very sad to see how India lacked in handling this. very sad. Nariman house could have been flushed out much before than it was and perhaps a few lives could have been saved.