Something to answer a doubt of some one. Something to asset my creation and something to claim my creation as indigenous.
Here it goes....
Well I have always been a polemist, not because people accuse me of plagiarism but because they find my thought to challenge their human orthodox. But who is afraid of being eccentric, everything that is accepted and cherished today was eccentric some day. You learn that you are perfectly “you” only when your action is questioned, only when you’re self being is questioned. But it’s your vision, dreams, beliefs, credos and desires that bring up your self image. And this image is what we should always look up to. This is the image of our truest form, revealed only to us. And like a signature it reflects in everything we do and think. As a living men we are not indifferent to every emotion, we too like things and proudly at least I proclaim loudly things and people I love. I accept my shortcoming shamelessly. I am shameless as I love myself and as I love things my “self” loves. I don’t hesitate in taking humility neither in taking pride. That’s how I define life, a breakless wheel which is steered by only you and guided by people you love, who love you. That’s a life full of energy, enthusiasm, raw spirit, a desire to explore all horizons and courage to take new path.
"Sin is nothing, sin is brain,
Sin is something that makes me insane."
These are my lines for what is sin. Sin is an illusion, if u agree something to be a sin its a sin. Sin is a perception and not a judgement. Now the fact that being a second hander is sin or not I must say blatantly, every indivisual is a secondhander in one or other way. We are not the creators of everthing but we use them and change them with selfish authority. But one should have the guts to admit and respect other's creation, one must be able to say its his creation that driffted me towards my idea, its impossible to say "I am always self drivven", as the logic justifies if u r driven u need a motive and all alone u can't have a motive. Aas long as you don't betray your own self respect its no evil, its no sin.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
#1 Chapter 1- Ek Chotti si love story
Hi!
It’s a part of my love story, a small love story. May be a boring one and ugly to you but beautiful to me. I am Gopal…. A simple guy with a high ambition, eye full of dreams and
heart full of love with a little space in it for every one who is my friend… eerr may be for those who hate me also. Confused? Don’t be I will tell you everything one fold after another unfolding all my life before you. So lets go on the journey.
CHAPTER # 1.
It was a rainy evening, I was sitting by the window, my hands resting on my knees and my head resting on my hands. Looking constantly to the falling drops or rain which would bring the sense of cold and beauty and take away the thirst of my desires. I was watching constantly not missing a single falling drop off the shaft. But to my surprise I found myself thinking of some one. I knew she was not there and why? Why should she be there? I was struggling my own thoughts and realized the fact that thoughts some times can be more painful than sword. A small piece of scrambled paper with something fuzzy written on it zapped on to my face by the healing cold air. Then I thought of the day, one month before all that happened, I felt the pain growing more intense and my eyes wet, the warm drops pouring down my chicks were easy to discern. I wished to hide it but my hand, but they would not move. I sat eyes closed and my head thrown back and everything replayed, each second.
6th October 2006, Minnesota , USA.
The half written letters, unsent mails, the unsent messages in the draft folder and the missed calls saved properly to thousand times see the date, time and the name. Just to imagine what I was doing while I got the message or call, what she might be doing when and thought of me, how she would have smiled while calling me and all that. It has been quite a few days that I had noticed she would not reply properly and was keeping little off as if we had just acquaintance and I was pushing it little harder to get closer and inadvertently she was avoiding this sudden overreach. But when ever I sent an e- mail … my heart will pace at the highest. Soon I would wait impatiently for the reply to come and the alert to ping at the right corner of my monitor, some time even before I click the send button my eyes would move involuntarily to the right corner of monitor for new mail allert. I would spend my days just logging in and logging off into my mail box and the Computer would be running whole night. But no reply comes as the date changes on the calenders, as morning slips into scorching noon and then gloomy evenings. Next morning I would be the first to reach the 24 hour open computer lab. I don’t know why they made it 24 hour open but I took the most of it may be I was wasting time but I would spend sleepless night just waiting for the mail to come. Some times before the lab would opens I would take tours around it. As soon as it opens I rush in just to find my mail box empty. After a number of frustrating failure anticipations I would finally get a reply. My heart beat goes up with anticipation. It just takes 10-15 seconds to open the mail, in this brief time my mind makes all the jumbled permutations and combinations of words and feelings, regarding what she might have written. But every time I will find only a 5-6 liner reply to my 100 line e-mail. While struggling with words to give my mail that X-factor I just feel I have a whole lot of things to say even more than the words on the morning news paper. Now this latter… half heartedly written with no attention to the punctuation marks and all words in small letters. I just take it for granted that her key board’s shift key might not be functioning and she must have written hastily. But that would be just a self imposed consolation which goes in vain. But it was a snowy morning of November when I got this mail from her, my very own “Preeti” … yup that’s the name that runs as screen saver on my lab computer. It was a 50 line mail which contained 13 full stops, 10 commas, all the first letter of sentences in caps and 413 words as a whole. I remember because I had read it more than I had read my own name occurring at different places at different instances over the years. This was different and weird…. I was taken aback …. Just from the first line itself.. (Continuing).
It’s a part of my love story, a small love story. May be a boring one and ugly to you but beautiful to me. I am Gopal…. A simple guy with a high ambition, eye full of dreams and
heart full of love with a little space in it for every one who is my friend… eerr may be for those who hate me also. Confused? Don’t be I will tell you everything one fold after another unfolding all my life before you. So lets go on the journey.
CHAPTER # 1.
It was a rainy evening, I was sitting by the window, my hands resting on my knees and my head resting on my hands. Looking constantly to the falling drops or rain which would bring the sense of cold and beauty and take away the thirst of my desires. I was watching constantly not missing a single falling drop off the shaft. But to my surprise I found myself thinking of some one. I knew she was not there and why? Why should she be there? I was struggling my own thoughts and realized the fact that thoughts some times can be more painful than sword. A small piece of scrambled paper with something fuzzy written on it zapped on to my face by the healing cold air. Then I thought of the day, one month before all that happened, I felt the pain growing more intense and my eyes wet, the warm drops pouring down my chicks were easy to discern. I wished to hide it but my hand, but they would not move. I sat eyes closed and my head thrown back and everything replayed, each second.
6th October 2006, Minnesota , USA.
The half written letters, unsent mails, the unsent messages in the draft folder and the missed calls saved properly to thousand times see the date, time and the name. Just to imagine what I was doing while I got the message or call, what she might be doing when and thought of me, how she would have smiled while calling me and all that. It has been quite a few days that I had noticed she would not reply properly and was keeping little off as if we had just acquaintance and I was pushing it little harder to get closer and inadvertently she was avoiding this sudden overreach. But when ever I sent an e- mail … my heart will pace at the highest. Soon I would wait impatiently for the reply to come and the alert to ping at the right corner of my monitor, some time even before I click the send button my eyes would move involuntarily to the right corner of monitor for new mail allert. I would spend my days just logging in and logging off into my mail box and the Computer would be running whole night. But no reply comes as the date changes on the calenders, as morning slips into scorching noon and then gloomy evenings. Next morning I would be the first to reach the 24 hour open computer lab. I don’t know why they made it 24 hour open but I took the most of it may be I was wasting time but I would spend sleepless night just waiting for the mail to come. Some times before the lab would opens I would take tours around it. As soon as it opens I rush in just to find my mail box empty. After a number of frustrating failure anticipations I would finally get a reply. My heart beat goes up with anticipation. It just takes 10-15 seconds to open the mail, in this brief time my mind makes all the jumbled permutations and combinations of words and feelings, regarding what she might have written. But every time I will find only a 5-6 liner reply to my 100 line e-mail. While struggling with words to give my mail that X-factor I just feel I have a whole lot of things to say even more than the words on the morning news paper. Now this latter… half heartedly written with no attention to the punctuation marks and all words in small letters. I just take it for granted that her key board’s shift key might not be functioning and she must have written hastily. But that would be just a self imposed consolation which goes in vain. But it was a snowy morning of November when I got this mail from her, my very own “Preeti” … yup that’s the name that runs as screen saver on my lab computer. It was a 50 line mail which contained 13 full stops, 10 commas, all the first letter of sentences in caps and 413 words as a whole. I remember because I had read it more than I had read my own name occurring at different places at different instances over the years. This was different and weird…. I was taken aback …. Just from the first line itself.. (Continuing).
The Introduction to "Ek chotti si love story"
Hi this time I am introducing a character which would take to his journey of love story. His very own story, some thing he lived. Here on This chracter will tell u a part of the story like a Saas/Bahu TV serial in a break up structure. Later I will add some images too. So Ready to be a part of "Gopal's" Love story.... This character is a totally imaginary creation. It has nothing to do with any one. So gear up.... to taste the sweet and the sour.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Feeling Blue....
Its the rythem. Its the sound of my heart beat and the fluent movement of my agile fingers on the black key board. Then their is the sound of the wind and the CPU fan. All are well timed, well synchronised and well formed. They made sense and I wondered how I never noticed it. These are the sounds close to me that I don't share with anyone. These are more pleasing than the six strings. Then the current goes out and the only thing glowing the whole area ia my computer and my glowing face with the reflection. My slow movement of my eyes, not coherent with the thought. The mind is thinking something, the heart demands something and the eyes are stuck to something else, all are randomly set. BUt there is a common cord, all are mine. I feel the proud, I feel the ineer glow. I got up from the seat making the number of B'Adams more audible. I walked directly to the window moving my face rythemically with the danglling window screen, like a wave in the wind, the slow soothing wind. I breathed deeply once and smiled, the smile was necessary I thought. In fact the smile was the only thing necessary at that moving, more needed than my breath. I could feel it. Then my long fingers involuntaryly went up to touch my eyes as if the new born wonders to see the action of its hands. My incoherent thoughts assembled and I jumped back. I felt a strong desire to cry and laugh. I wanted to be crazy as crazy as I am .
I was standing alone like the lost jigsaw puzzle of a single piece set. I liked watching my mobile. Willing it to ring. I thought I've broken words and hearts of course And absolutely no remorse! I struggled to make my thought ryme. Its a habit I thought this breaking things and needless rhyme now that I thought I almost had it there. Bang it goes and stops that flow fine! The current was back and with my eyes semiclosed in pain of light. The sudden leap from the dark to light was intolerable. Then I thought I am intolerant but I always wanted to be. I wanted to be cared, being the point of discussion, being loved and mostly to be social, which I am not.
Truly
Abinash.
I was standing alone like the lost jigsaw puzzle of a single piece set. I liked watching my mobile. Willing it to ring. I thought I've broken words and hearts of course And absolutely no remorse! I struggled to make my thought ryme. Its a habit I thought this breaking things and needless rhyme now that I thought I almost had it there. Bang it goes and stops that flow fine! The current was back and with my eyes semiclosed in pain of light. The sudden leap from the dark to light was intolerable. Then I thought I am intolerant but I always wanted to be. I wanted to be cared, being the point of discussion, being loved and mostly to be social, which I am not.
Truly
Abinash.
Adarsh Prem By Dr. Bachchan
प्यार किसी को करना लेकिन
कहकर उसे बताना कया
अपने को अपर्ण करना पर
और को अपनाना क्या
गुण का ग्राहक बनना लेकिन
गाकर उसे सुनाना क्या
मन के कल्पित भावों से
औरों को भ्रम में लाना क्या
ले लेना सुगन्ध सुमनों की
तोड़ उन्हें मुरझाना क्या
प्रेम हार पहनाना लेकिन
प्रेम पाश फैलाना क्या
त्याग अंक में पले प्रेम शिशु
उनमें स्वार्थ बताना क्या
देकर ह्रदय ह्रदय पाने की
आशा व्यर्थ लगाना क्या
-----------------------------
By Dr. Harvansh Rai Bachchan.
कहकर उसे बताना कया
अपने को अपर्ण करना पर
और को अपनाना क्या
गुण का ग्राहक बनना लेकिन
गाकर उसे सुनाना क्या
मन के कल्पित भावों से
औरों को भ्रम में लाना क्या
ले लेना सुगन्ध सुमनों की
तोड़ उन्हें मुरझाना क्या
प्रेम हार पहनाना लेकिन
प्रेम पाश फैलाना क्या
त्याग अंक में पले प्रेम शिशु
उनमें स्वार्थ बताना क्या
देकर ह्रदय ह्रदय पाने की
आशा व्यर्थ लगाना क्या
-----------------------------
By Dr. Harvansh Rai Bachchan.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
The nothing ness....
"In the beginning, this (universe)was the self alone, in the shape of a person. He reflected and saw nothing else but his self. He first said, "I am he". Therefore, he came to be known by the name "I (Aham)". hence, even now when a person is addressed, he first says, "it is I", and then says whatever other name he may have
-----Brihdranyaha Upanishad.
--------------------------------------------------
All around me are familiar faces Worn out places,
worn out faces Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell youI find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, veryMad
WorldMad world
-Gary Jules
----------------------------------------------------------
" The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again."
---- Troy.
-----Brihdranyaha Upanishad.
--------------------------------------------------
All around me are familiar faces Worn out places,
worn out faces Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell youI find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, veryMad
WorldMad world
-Gary Jules
----------------------------------------------------------
" The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again."
---- Troy.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
If I could be a hero....
If I could be hero, if just for one day
If I could be that courageous just for one day.
If I could be fearless and valiant just for one day
I wish I would be the man I wish to be.
If I could look direct into the Sun, just for one day.
If I could swim across the oceans, just once,
I would be the man I want.
If I could conquer the lands and win myself,
If I could jump from the mountain and walk on fire,
I wish I will be the man of my desire.
I wish my arms would be of steel and my heart rock solid,
I wish I could see the Gods and the sprits,
And my wish would come true
Being myself I will never rue.
If I could be that courageous just for one day.
If I could be fearless and valiant just for one day
I wish I would be the man I wish to be.
If I could look direct into the Sun, just for one day.
If I could swim across the oceans, just once,
I would be the man I want.
If I could conquer the lands and win myself,
If I could jump from the mountain and walk on fire,
I wish I will be the man of my desire.
I wish my arms would be of steel and my heart rock solid,
I wish I could see the Gods and the sprits,
And my wish would come true
Being myself I will never rue.
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