Saturday, October 07, 2006

.... Inactive, Paranoid, desperate, Annoied, Lonely, Me

Hi! To all those who drop in by my blog to have some time off the main cource of life. Did I say those?? Sorry I sould have written "that" as only JB checks it. Any way today is a (another)saturday, a day off from work. hhmm.... The same routine stay at home, wash clothes. But what i don't like is the idle and inactive environment. It feels like I am stuck to some fixed time and fixed infinite loop. The same mess where I stay with all gloomy and unconsious about the human potential. All just wait for time to bring everything in flow and not making things happen. In the course of changing there mind set I am facing many comments and many abuses from them only? But still I need to try I cant just give up for some one finds it wrong. I have to continue untill I find it wrong.
I dont have many friend. And In Bangalore I have really few. But they too don't like me. But can't help I can't change my habits and attitude though I have changed my behavior a lot over the time. But still it feels bad. It makes me feel lonely even when I am surrounded by my mess mates and in a busy bus. Today I went to buy one sport shoe (forcibly) but I had to go all alone, no "buddy" to share time with or even to tell something when u desperately fell to speak out. No one with me. Its all alone. And I have grown paranoid. I feel no one likes me, all want to hurt me. I am help less. I am annoied with myself. I am not raising a finger at any of those who claim to be my friend. But on me who deny such claims.
But I am learning through it. may be some time I will complete learning and I will be a HUMAN any way. How ever I am in a mood as described in the heading.
Thats why I have decide to dwrown myself in Work and all those books I have with me from now on. And I have changed my office timming too. Now on I am going at 8:00. But from 16th this month I will be assigned with project work so I will be keeping my self busy deliberately. I will come down only after 9:00 in the evening. And may be even Saturdays I will work deliberately. I will overload myself with something called "work".

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