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Some Sunday Poems

As I sat, Contemplating on the porch
It had a sun-drenched part and a shadowed portion
Like my heart with its bright anticipation and dark revelation!


Euphoria like the tide in the sea
Rises high in my heart

I desperately, leap to embrace, hold it, but like the tide, it recedes
leaving a thousand abandoned memories and a pile of dirt

Ab yaad ki baari ayi hai..

aandhi aur barshaat ke baad ab dhup shunehri ayi hai
Bechain dino main viraam ke baad ab yaad ki baari ayi hai

Dekhto lun jee bharke, amavash ke baad aaj chaandi fir se ayi hai
Hans lene do mann bhar ye adheri raat ke baad subah roshan ayi hai

bachpan to beet gaya par bachpanaa hi sahee jo adhi adhuri ayi hai
Mashgul zindagi main tajjurvon ke baad ab yaad ki baari ayi hai

Few poems on Life and Experiences - written in leisure

THOUGHTS

Thoughts occur to me
   Like, I am slave to their will
   When did this happen to me
    that, I don't control what I feel.

MADE TO LAST

Weak, hot, hammered in furnace
    Like an iron cast
    Time and again life battered me
    Until finally, I was made to last

Stronger, better, in the fight of life
     not the warrior swinging the sword
     but the horse carrying the weigh abord
     I am not the foot that walks
     I am the shoe that takes bruises, is made to last.

WHO WE ARE 
Hiding our bruises, our scar
    Constantly longing
    to be loved for who we are
Scared of our dreams and failures
    We trust more than self, in a shooting star
     Embrace, retry, believe and you will be everything at par

LIFE AFTER

How do I find the aftermath of life
not where we go or how we die
but the way we live in memories
the slow progression from being the smile to tear in the eye

How do I make up for everything I missed
the smiles and the sorrows, we forget to share
living in the cocoon of fallacies
heretofore we spent everything in convalescence and despair

How do I go back and relearn everything
that you care for people and use things
listen to the eyes and see beyond the sound
enough being timid, let's be profound


Truly
Abinash


   
   
    

Dosti, mohabbat aur shaadi main tafdeel hui mohabbat pe do panktiyaan

Kya dost banke chalna gawara nahin tha ki humsafar banne ki dushmani modd li..
harwaqt tumhare saath ko taraste the zaalim, ab tumhare saath ne jaan leli..

aapke aur humare dost hone main fark bas itna hai
ki aap jashna main sareek hote ho.. aur humare sareeki main jashna hota hai

Doston ka mizaaj kuch aisa tha, har ek din kuch naya kissa tha

Kahaniyan to banti hai aaj bhi bahut sari, bas pehle main bhi kisson ka hissa tha..

What is my history, where is my past

What is my history, where is my past
 Where would I end, where did I start

Where did I get these dreams in my eyes
Where do all go, when they bid good byes

Why am I lost, where am I heading
for the cost of my life, what am I treading

What could it have been and what would it be?
I hear its a lovely world, but why can't I see?

Where is the sun, why is it dark?
I hope there is light, but I see no spark.

That I can be more, Can I realize?
And can I just live, and do no compromise?

And How do I go, behold my destiny?
My heart revolts and mind starts a mutiny

Enough of questions, lets start again and retry
Lets make this work, there will be light and land forever won't be dry.

Truly
Abinash

Reciprocate, love and care

Many things are taken for granted, in life. Above all is the love and the warmth of togetherness. We get used to contentment induced by love. It excites no more. We get deceived into the ensemble that life follows the pace of our expectations. Deliberately oblivious to the need of reciprocation we reduce ourselves to just being consumer and not producer of love. We rationalize our act. And build excuses. But can there be an excuse for not loving back? Dancing to the tune of self centered thoughts we narrow our vision. All we see in the mirror is our reflection, not the desires hidden in the eyes. Engrossed with self we drift away from life, life as we knew it. And we only know, when it hurts, when its too late. We must wake up now and take the reign. Reciprocate, love back and care.

Truly
Abinash

The Birthday gift in college - A walk in the memory lane story #2

Birthdays are special. Always. Everyone treats you well. You feel delighted and nice food awaits. For most. Most also means, "not all". Today I am humbled and thankful to have the privilege to be surrounded by lovely people, having the economic affordability to go out and celebrate my birthday and buy things I like. Above all I am thankful for being cared and reminded how much my friends and family love me. There are so many people who either have no love or have no means to celebrate, with each day struggling to not sleep either hungry or with tears. And sometimes both! My prayers and love for  each of them and my gratitude to all my friends and family and life for everything I have.
                                           Celebration awaits today. It wasn't always so, that I would celebrate my birthday or get cakes! growing up we did not celebrate birthdays at home. Never. When I was in school birthday would mean some allowance to spend for lunch and a sense that parents seems to comply by your reasonable demands. There was no difference in love. I was fortunate to grow up in a family abundant in love and respect. While in high school it would so happen that no one really even remembers your birthday. Even family! And we all kids were used to it. I would get jealous of some of my friends who would wear new clothes for their birthdays and arrange a small party at their places. I got invited to many and we would buy some gifts for the birthday boy (yes no girls, I studied in a boys only school). I used to imagine myself receiving those gifts and feel happy with my fantasies. One such gift I received was a geometry box when I was in middle school. Probably the only gift I ever got for a birthday in my entire school life.
                                    Soon I was in my college pursuing my engineering and birthdays were a totally different affair. People would arrange dinner parties and loud music. And sometimes beer. Most friends would join in the frenzy and it was fun. For my birthday I didn't really had the money for throwing a dinner party, so for me (and many like me) it would mean cooking chicken and having dinner with the very few lovely friends. I never had a lot of friends. Yes, acquaintance many! When I was a sophomore I was living in a rented room shared with a couple of friends. While living with them my birthday came. This was a special on as I got some presents from my friends for my birthday, for the first time in my life! And when I was asked what do I need, I was too naive then to have asked for an underwear and a book: The C programming Language. And the true friends they are, they got me an underwear and the book for my birthday! I was delighted. The book helped me really well. I rushed through it in next few weeks. I still have it with me. Alas! I couldn't preserve the underwear. Which of course served me well too. fast forward today I am going have a fancy dinner at a fancy place with my lovely wife, in the lovely weather of Seattle.

Truly
Abinash

A walk in the memory lane: my school

This story is about an ordinary day in the life of an ordinary man back in the childhood. Its about the fun of being a child, the joy of a day in the school. In spite of a flock of challenges and difficulties (I won't call them adversity) we had to fight each day, the vivid memories of the school are only sweet.
                                                              The school had five rooms, no furniture, except for a chair meant for the teacher. The chairs usually dilapidated. Always like they are carrying the weights of the bulky bottoms of the overgrown teachers for one last time. The plastic stretching beyond the elasticity it could afford to. Besides the chair there was a blackboard, it was of course, black, I don't know where the board was. It was but a two dimensional flattened section of the wall painted black. Right below it deposited the white chalk dust. Forming a thick heap of all the letters, all the languages, all shapes ever drawn on the board. Like a glorious past buried in the ruins. We the students occupied most of the classroom, of course. The rough floor was for us. Few would carry a mat everyday. But most didn't. We never cared. The cement floor had some smooth parts,marking what it was supposed to be and had  numerous tiny ditches revealing its reality. When we went to school, each morning, the cyclic ritual of brooming the floor was the duty, students would dispersed that in an ever changing responsibility. Followed by the assembly for prayers and the classes. More than often we found broken beer bottles, strewn food and broken bricks lying around the floors. They silently spoke of the "civic" acts executed by the 'grown ups' after school hours. Yes, there was no such thing as security guard or a fence for that matter. It was just an array of five rooms and a porch stretching along those rooms. Many windows and doors broken, giving access to anyone who seek darkness to commit darker acts in the night. Oh, the classroom had no lights or fans. Sun was our source and the breeze our comfort. We absolutely loved rain. For the most part rain would mean a holiday. The roof was made with red clay, placed one over another in rows. Many of them broken exposing holes. You get to see the holes on a sunny day as the sun rays stream through making the dust busy in their Brownian motion visible to the naked eyes. So when it rained, we would see water pouring through those holes and to exponentiate it, we would run on the floor with muddy feet making sure it looks convincingly unsuitable. The open field was our toilet, as well the playground. The uniform comprised of a crimson half pant and a white half shirt. The shirts were rarely white. Often carrying marks of your games from yesterday and ink from you pen, letting everyone know what ink the friend behind you uses. Each class was a torture for the most part. We would be asked to keep quite and teachers would assemble to gossip. Some female teaches would use the time to sew sweaters for their kids. And us? We are left to either boredom of silence or the joy of playing funny games among us. A day would pass as the clock rushes past 4PM. The long bell would be sounded and we leap throw the doors racing, like water from a dam. Happy, unassuming, innocent. Clinging to the dangling piece of hand sewed cloth, we called bag, we ran, barefoot brimming with energy, teeming with joy. Towards our home, restless for the evening games of cricket on the streets.
                                                           The school was a unifier. A leveler of sort for the society. Kids from all classes of economy were there. Well almost all classes. I had friends who would help their fathers sell Idlys on the thela outside our school. One who helped her father in the butcher shop. And many who came from a family of daily wage laborers. Many from lower middle classes. All castes, every religion. And we would eat, play, read together. It was a great occasion where you learn to love, everyone. Eventually all of us made it. Few followed the suit of their fathers, few became migrants, like me. Few managed to get a promotion over what their father did. For many of them their kids are having a better childhood and education than what they had. We all have come a long way. The school has come a long way, the red clay roof has since then been replaced with concrete. It has got fence and electricity in the classes. For the standard of education, is the only thing that's stuck in the past. Couldn't get anywhere. Someday, may be someday!

Truly
Abinash

Can we be more? again.

With the Olympics coming to an  closure tomorrow, what is your take away from it? The few hours of entertainment? The joy of watching your favorite athlete win? The pride of your nation taking  some medals? Or in some cases may be, the disappointment of not doing so. Is that it? Is that what these thousands of athletes push the limits everyday for, driving for excellence? I believe the greatest take away is inspiration. If you leave the room more inspired, determined to not give up, try harder, push yourself a little more. Everyday. That's when you can say you had a successful Olympic games!
                                             
                                                    We all have been more before, at some point in our lives. More than one occasion. we have been more than what we thought we could be. The Olympics is a reminder of that, a wake up call. We have to show up every single day. Sweat, bleed, repeat. Its only through pain that we rise. The currency is simple. To buy your success, you pay with your sweat. There is no smart work, there is no smart man. Its bullshit. There is only one thing, hardwork-faith-perseverance. On every leg of the race, you will have someone telling you, you are done. Pulling you down. That you lack the skills, you can't. Laugh at you. write you off. Every leg of the race, the race called life. These people are the fuel you need. Burn those words, those laughs and those dismal stares to fuel your speed. Don't let anyone sympathize you, tell you not to lose hope. you left hope in the stands on day one. You now believe. You don't take sympathy no more. You take challenges. Believe, don't hope.

                                                     Michael Phelps gives me a goal but Eric Moussambani gives me the drive to show up and never give up. Time is not favorable? You don't have opportunities? Poverty? People are cunning, demanding, unfair? So is life. Every single soul in the world has a unique problem. Rise above the petty excuses. Defeat the head starters with sheer determination. Life is a marathon not a sprint. Don't make stops, push through that dry throat, the burning skin and the soar legs. You can achieve everything, you put your mind to. When I have excuses in my head I look to  Abebe Bikila. You don't need shoes to run. You need will.

                                                      You are a 3rd world, hard to find on map, you din't go to the best university, you don't have a coach, you live on food stamps, you sleep under the moon, you get bullied at work, you don't have clothes. Bullshit! Go out there before someone else, come back after everyone else, in between sweat more than anyone else. Glory will be yours. you win half the race when you refuse to give up. You do this first half, the rest half takes care of itself. We are going to be the difference between "could have been" and "it is".  Lets stop hoping and start believing.
If I go down, I go down knowing I was winning not fearing I was losing. Don't give up. Yet! Finish line is still out there, waiting to embrace you. Run the victory lap, like you truly need it and the victory will come chasing you like it truly belongs to you. Let's do it!

Truly
Abinash

                                                     

Zindagi..

Har zidagi ki yehi kahani hai

adha bachpan aur adhuri jawani hai..

Kya rakhha hai yaadon ko batorne main

Tum gujaardo zindagi aadhi ruthne main

aur main aadha manane main..

Har roz subah hoti hai, shaam aati hai

Bas har khyan ek vedna ban ke reh jati hai

Hum to is rang bhumi main kuch pal, khyan ke avtaar hain

Socho un nadiyo, pahaadon ka jo shadiyon se nirankaar hai

Kya har cheez main hona hai sidhh, galti mera adhikaar nahin?

Apurn sahi, bas hona tumhe sweekaar nahin?

Jo achha tha wo beet gaya hai

Jo achha hai wo beet raha hai

Vartamaan ko dekho yehi bhavishya ko seech raha hai

Sab rakha hai bas ehsaason ko sametne main

Tum gujaardo zindagi aadhi hasne main

aur main aadha hansane main..

Truly

Abinash

Aadha...

Sach ho ya jhoot kuch bhi maine aadhe hriday se nahin bola
Na kara prayaas aadhe mann se, na chhodi kosish aadhe hriday se

Na adhure sapno se karaa aankhon ko trupt, na aadhe ummedon se bhari udaan
aadhe iraade se lakshya nahin saadha, na addhe mann se maanga aasmaan

Na aadhi samajh se nishkarsh nikalaa kabhi, na nishkarsh adhaa samjhaya hai
na addhi jeet ka jashn kiya kabhi, na aadhi haar ka maatam manaya hai.

Adhura ek sach aur sampurntaa ek bhram hai
isi ehsaash se jeevan ko addha gale lagaaya hai..

Truly
Abinash

What will be left of us?

As the sun hides, the blue sky turns red
bringing a veil of darkness
The sly night ushers the dread

Unfazed, elated the rejuvenating souls
admire the night; beloveds by their sides
soon they perish into memory, remains deafening howls

Air reverberates with screams
Is this the tread of the darkest hour?
The vicious laughs pleased on a million shattered dreams

Its a city of shadow and dust
just a hounding void remains
Innocence with gleam stares hopes for what is already lost

The world is breathing its last
all mortals have been murdered
Is there a ray of light, can there be a new start?

The gods have long left this chaos
we are but at our own
If we don't stop, I ask what will be left of us?

Truly
Abinash

Safalta

galti sabse hoti hai
blunder sabhi karte hain
par aage wohi jaate hain
jo seekh lekar chalte hain

darr bhi sabko lagta hai
dukh bhi sabhiko hota hai
par jeet unhiki hoti hai
jo darrse bi nahin darte hain

Sapne sabke rehte hai
khudko inse parakhte hai
par saakaar uske sapne hote hain
jo aaveg se badhte jaate hain

aalash main harkoi rehta hai
bas baatein badi badi karta hai
par safal wohi ho pata hai
jo siddatt se mehnat karta hai

waise to sabhi jeete hain
haar ki darse, jokheem nahin uthate hain
Jo jeevan nauka kinare par hi rehta hai
Aisa jeena bhi koi jeena hai?

Truly

Abinash

Mera anuvav

Mera anuvav kuch aisa hai
pal pal main  badalta
par jeevan ka abhinna hissa hai

khyan khyan main jeeta marta
pag pag main girta sambhalta
jeevan ke vyay main jeevan ko rachta

Yakeen nahi tha sapno main
na apni aankhon se sachai parkhi maine
ye meri anuvuthiyan banai kisne?

wohi bhram tha aur vaastavta bhi wohi
Bas apekhyaon ki abhipurti main leen tha
mujhe iske pare lechalta kya aisa hosakta tha koi

sambhav hai main satya se parichit kabhi na ho paun
par apni aankhon se jo jeevan ko dekhne ki kosish karithi
kya wo prayaas mera tha?

Truly
Abinash

Resolutions

I have been spending a lot of time on facebok post marriage and have grown relatively lazy..
I need to buck up and get things done!

1. Keep FB deactivated for 2 weeks minimum.
2. Spend 1 hour every day for data science courses
3. Finish Javascript and CSS course in next 3 weeks
4. Over weekends spend 2 hours for Statistics and R programming.
5. During work give 30 mins everyday to learn cosmos scripting starting tomorrow.

Change in attitude:

1. Do not leave something in middle just cause it seems hard to follow or a lot to read be it anything (e.g. a course material or a notice that you receive over post / email)
2. Do not think you can wake up early and get it done. Rather sleep late wind it up and wake up late.
3. Think thru every decision (tickets booking, hotel booking, purchases, investments etc.)
do not make haste decisions. Plan with a well thought thru approach.

e.g. Do not pay one extra day of hotel charges instead pay more for 1 day preponed ticket and save a day and some money.

4. During working hours have time for new learnings.

Tu meri dua

Dekh raha hun, khuli aankhon se jo sapne
Darr hai khona jayein, jhapak lun jo palke apne
Mehroom hai shukoon aur beinteha mohabbat
aisi jiun zindagi jo banjaye sabke jubaan ki kaahavat
Lamha lamha jodke sajaya jo khwaab tere saath ka
pal pal main basihai tu hai tu haqiqat mere aaj ka..
Tera saath mera muqadarr aur tu mera khuda
Dua banke mili hai mujhe tu, tujhpe main fanna tujhi pe fidaa..

ZIndagi

zindagi to badalti hai, humesha badalti rahegi
Har gujarta pal ek nayi kahaani kahegi..
kayi shakl chutt jate hain piche aur judd jate hain kayi naye
Isi antaraal main kisika sab khojaye to koi sabkuch paaye..
Vartamaan ka mahtwa beete kal ki smriti main aati hai
fir bhi kisi marichika ke piche bghaagne main zindagi gujar jati hai..
kyun hai ye itna zateel? itna katheen samajhna, samjhana
ishi pal main tumhare andar hai khushi, kisi aur main kyun dhundna?

 

Jeet

Choti kashti main sawar hum samandar laanghne chale
In toofaano ke uspaar aaj mukkadar se rishta baandhne chale
Ye parvat si lehrein kya bheedeingi humare honslon se
In zaahajon se aage aaj hum iteehaas rachne chale
dubone ki har kosish to ki thi unhone lekin
Unko kya karoge barbaad jinka safar khud samandar aabaad karne chale

That first little step

I was born disabled. Not able to eat on my own, not able to move even. We all were born disabled! I was worthless, of no use for many years. Just like you all were. But love brought me up. Love transformed my disabilities into multifacade abilities. I grew to be a more lovable human, who can love back and show gratitude for all the love I got when I was a disabled, demanding lesser self. But its love who made me take that first little step geared with curiosity and fearlessness and above all hope. Years have passed, I am a able man with stronger arms, legs, wiser brain and clear eyesight. But am I a better self? I don't know. Have I compromised on the very traits that  help me sail when I was a disabled growing baby? Am I as fearless, curious and hopeful? Can I be ready yet again to stumble, fall, stand up and take that first step? I started with nothing. I will end with nothing. But I can relive the moments of growing, building myself in a stronger and better way every time I take the little first step! I was ready when I was born. Am I ready when ever life demands me to be?

Truly
Abinash

Humsafar

Mumkeen hai safar ko asaan banana
tum saath raho to mumkeen hai zindagi ko firse sajana

girke bhi honsla rahega tum sambhal logi
dard main dawa, aankon main khwaab, rukhsar main pyaar dogi

bas kuch khaas lamhon ki daastan hai zindagaani
kya banogi mera shaya, mere kalam ki kahaani

jeet si lagti hai har hansi tumhari mujhko
ek bar kehke to dekho, chunauti dedunga us jalte suraj ko

lab aur lafz kafi nahin ki koi dhun ban jaye
kya banogi mere alfaaz ki dhun hi meri awaaz ban jaye

Truly
Abinash
 

Umeedon Ke Pare

Umeedon ke pare, wo jo aasmaano pe chale
ye unka kaafilaa hai yaaron, jo aag main taer ke manzeelon se mile

Ye wo chehre hain jo khogaye the kahin bheed main jakar
dekho aaj ye nikle hain bheed se apna wajood banakar

Honslon ki buniyadon pe hai eemarat jinhone banai
yehi to hain wo, hai itihaas jinke vartamaan ki parchayi

Ye wohi hain, girke sambhala hai khudko jinhone
Mushafir ye pehle bane, fir saahas se hai apna raah banaya inhone

Jinke khwaabon pe hans padi thi ye duniya kabhi
ye unka kaafila hai yaaron,, jinke khwaabon se ye duniya zinda hai Abhi

Umeedon ke pare, wo jo aasmaano pe chale
ye unka kaafilaa hai yaaron, jinke seeno main humesha umeed ka diya jale


 Truly
Abinash

Vantage Point - Life

There are three ways to look at life. One is to look up and feel that sense of being a so so tiny spec in the grand scheme of things. Second is to look around, feel the chaos and get nervous. Other way is to look with in, deep with in and feel that sense of identity, feel the sense of equality, dead or alive, sense of mortality.

Most of us, spend most of our life in one of these states, oblivious to other two. How we live, how we spend our life becomes a function of which of these states we tend more to be in. Sometime we are so engrossed with the second state that we forget we are mortals, we forget we are remnant of supernovae, we forget we are nothing. We feel our weight, we cling to things so hard that we leave no space for anything, even the thought that (fact actually) we, negligibly small entities are riding on a revolving stone and we only have a limited number of rides around the sun! And its then that we collapse under our own weight, and we get hurt. In that endless struggle to accumulate dead materials, a bigger number on a digital payslip on screen, that signage with our name standing on a tiny part of this revolving rock, called earth, which was never ours, neither it will be, we trade our life. We trade "what-could-have-been" for "what-we-are-expected to". Could have been is always infinite possibilities, happiness, memories, people, emotions and realization of all three states. But then, we have traded it to get more of "what-we-are-expected-to". Best way to deal with expectation when its not coming from with in, is to ignore it. People inherently want other people to be like them! Its a bitter reality. Our brain, in the fight of survival always deceives us to believe we are smarter, right and better than others. And everyone wants us to be like them.
         why is life or what is life are meaningless questions cause the answer might not change a thing. What's important is, how is life. that's in our control. Life is a set of memories, good or bad, but just a set of memories. The choices we make creates them. The memories make more sense when we know we are a set of atoms, no different then a stone. That we do not weigh even negligibly in the universe. That we are mortals
          We have got a ticket to take a joy ride on a revolving rock. Let's make sure we have that joy, in our ride before the ticket expires!

Truly
Abinash

Brings me back to you..

I saw some shoe and each of them, brings me back to you.
I saw some colors but none of them shine with out you.
Every time I see something new, it brings me back to you..

In everything I do, it brings back the dreams I had with you.
I saw some shoe and each of them, brings me back to you.

A Pinch of Salt and a Pinch Pepper

A pinch of salt and a pinch of pepper always magnifies the taste of any food. The chef does his job, serves you steaming aromatic food, garnished with flavors to make it aesthetically appealing. But we add a pinch of salt and a pinch of pepper to it, nevertheless. Life comes so close in analogy to it. The chef God (agnostics read as nature) makes life just so beautiful, positive, possessed with dreams and hope. But when we consume it, our constant thrive remains to add that pinch of salt and pepper. Never settling for how beautifully its garnished, how hot it is. Probably that's the beauty of it. You are the final chef of your life. You are always in control of the final taste! Working, exploring and content when you stand smiling at yourself. Get ready to devour it all.. your dish just got tastier. With gratitude in heart and thankful to the creator, I choose to add some salt and pepper in my life, now. 

Truly

Abinash

Rebuilding - The self

Is it really possible? That you can rebuild your self? Like they upgrade machines, rebuild bridges, re construct cities. Yes. It is vital to rebuild yourself again and again. Life takes turns and changes pace wearing out what we are. Faced with new challenges, new situations where our previous self might not suffice to get past it. We get shattered may be, some time broken. Like a tsunami destroying a city. But nothing remains being a haunted town. Its rebuilt. Rebuilt in an elegant way, stronger than ever and equipped to face the same fury of time and stand it. When you get dusted, get dirty, get muddy it brings out your strengths you were not aware of. It makes you appreciate the little things and see the silver line of dark cloud. It makes you see the positive side of everything. Cause nature wants you to rebuild yourself and these are the equipment for doing that. Its then a matter of choice, either leave it shattered and become a ghost town or rebuild it to outshine everything else. Its a great opportunity. We often tend to come in terms with our weakness and never really get over it. But when thrown out, broken we have but no choices left, either rebuild or become haunted. Later is easier. But nature created this opportunity so that we can make something of ourselves which is better than ever and stronger than before. let go of people who never belonged to you, let off things that become hurdles. Work harder, push limits, define paths and be not afraid to run alone even when no light is at sight. Pull yourself up, tighten your will and embark on the beautiful voyage of rebuilding. Trust me its worth it. 

Being Human

Life is a set of memories, good or bad but just a set of memories. Cherished in retrospection, anticipated with hope and lived with faith. What does it mean to be human after all? Is it reasoning ability? Turns out crows have very logical brains. For me its about the ability to make a choice. The ability to discern good from bad and the ability to love and understand. People lived, loved even a thousand years ago when there was no "$" invented, no glass walled furnished apartments existed. People then might have valued something else which soon perished. Every century bring new things to value, new people on old places. The land people fought and lost life for now belongs to some one who don't even know its history. Being human, is the ability to feel. Feel emotion and value it. People matter, everything else is noise. Where we stand now will be walked by many. What we boast now will be conquered by many, but what we feel now can never be felt by any. Never. Cause feelings are true. That's exactly what makes us human. I guess I am but only a human.

I want to live. More.

Its easy to loose focus. Let yourself down. Get scattered and find excuses. Its even easier to lie down there, cribbing on past, situations and people, falling apart closed eyes oblivious to the possibilities. But then life is a tough bet. A little push, hinge, a little strength to get yourself start rolling makes the difference. Lies ahead two choices: Keep thinking and let thoughts rule and other is pull yourself up gather that last 1% strength and just let yourself move one step ahead, life always wants you to win, it only tests whether you want to win or not. Just tell life loud and clear that you have that will to win, to live. Life is not abut despair, its about perseverance, believe and ability to get up.  I want to live. More. I want to surpass my expectations, I want to break free of sorrow and desires, I want to push myself a little harder. I want to live. More.

Truly
Abinash

What the futuristic sci-fi movies fail to envision ?

Recently released science fiction movie Pacific Rim caught my attention, I have not watched it though. I could just not stop myself thinking why a writer / creator of a science fiction who envisions the earth say 500 or a thousand years from now would fail to create the artificial / robotic all mighty fighters who can fly, swim and fight even on territory more realistically or appropriate way. All such creations in all such movies (well almost) imitates humanoids.

 Human evolved from apes, the day the first humanoid stood upright the evolution got faster and here I am an evolved ape writing this blog. What happened was standing upright helped the brain grow faster, creating balance as walking was done on two legs so that hands can be used for other work. Magnificent design from nature. But why we evolved that way is not for us to become better predators, but for us to have more developed brains and hence get multitasking and use brain rather force to get things done. Coming back to the robots of future who is made for battles, why such a robot be made in human form? That would lead to unnecessary problems of maintaining the balance, to move it will mean two of the most powerful parts are blocked and to fight while on the move will mean enormous energy wasted just to maintain balance. It will slow the speed down as well. why is a Cheetah more agile and powerful and not humans? I believe the future robots will be a designed in a hybrid manner, where it will imitate the ambidextrous animals who are more agile. Progression of a generation (technologically) is directly  proportional to the ability of harvesting power / energy. Given the importance of energy, engineers are less likely to create a design that have to move fast yet far from being aerodynamic. Not being upright can give a more aerodynamic structure. As its anyway a robot and it doe snot have brain in head that needs to evolve, upright structure makes it weak and vulnerable. Hence in a real world such a structure being created is very unlikely.  It might be argued that such a structure catches the fantasy of current day viewers but the logic that today's science fiction shapes future's creation is defied in this case.

Truly
Abinash

And you walk me through ....

You live in dreams and follow your heart
Chasing the illusive reality, you lose your path
you head up high but long for wing
A tune in your heart you just can’t sing

And someone comes along and walks you through…
Brings back the lyrics and whistles with you

You think of the future, its a fairy ride
you find that rhyme and take that stride
The warmth and love engulfs your spirits
You break all walls and tame your limits

And someone comes along and walks you through…
Builds the bridges and paint your blues

And someone comes along and walks you through…
Makes you see the reflection and completes you!

This will help you believe in spirituality - Science, Miracles and Cynicism

I got tagged in photos from a course, YES+, offered by AOL, Madhapur. The pictures depicted the lighter, brighter, laughter and better part of me! It fetched me a lot of attention from my friends. Attentions included cynicism, praise, questions, mockery, disapproval, acknowledgment and so on. I smiled for each. Thanked and appreciated each. Equally. The point is, they are all active (even to be reactive you have to be 'active'!), they are not indifferent, dead-dull. And not being indifferent is a great start! Even in science, the outer planets which have volcanic or atmospheric changes happening (even if its hostile and toxic) it makes scientists smile and being hopeful. Cause if its active, no matter how, some day it will probably prosper! So am happy for all the cynical, doubtful and disapproving friends of mine, you are doing great, keep moving, reacting and criticizing as well, soon you will stumble upon yourself! Criticizing is an even better start. Cause it involves your critical thinning capabilities, rationality and reasoning.  And trust me spirituality is the most logical, rational and critical entity in life! So you are on right track, happy for you.
                                  A friend asked, so the guru can fly? Be at multiple places at same time? Travel faster than light? I smiled, not cause I got nervous, but cause I knew exactly what the answer is. I can safely answer "yes" for all these questions and defend it with facts, laws, reasons - (quantum entanglement, wave particle duality, QED, singularity etc.). But I wanted not to debate neither to confuse. I said, 'I don't know'. But I can tell you how to figure that out. Here is the excerpt of it:
                                  In the macro world, there are two set of laws. One is the Laws of Physics, that govern everything and universally constant (at least in our known universe) and there is the Laws of Nature, your nature, that governs us. Unique to each of us in their manifestation yet fundamentally same! E.g. the way you react and I react to a given situation would vary (as manifestation is unique) but why we reacted and how to control them are same (as foundation is same). We can accept and appreciate the universal laws of physics. And let us agree these laws of physics are constant, no matter if you are human or a stone. They don't discern before they apply. So we can not defy the laws of physics. Who a guru is then? What miracles he can do? He is as well a mortal succumbing to the laws of physics? Yes for the last question. Lets answer the rest two.
Who is a guru?
A guru is a person who has mastered the laws of nature, can control it, influence it and use it for the benefit of just everything! He is no more governed by these laws of nature, he governs them on demand. And to do that you do not have to break the laws of physics which is constant!
What a guru can do?
A guru can be very lucky. Can be a better swimmer than you are even if he is swimming for first time, can memorize a book in 2 hours, can make you laugh, cry in a blink, can be the best athlete, can be the best orator, can ace anything that involves any of the "law of our nature". Cause he governs it! One of the manifestation of this law is emotions. So a guru is beyond these emotions of fear, happiness, sadness, excitement etc. He has one of the most optimized brain and hence can do things which to us, are possible but not probable! E.g. Driving a bike in the opposite direction in a busy one way lane at a high speed, its possible but not probable. Cause it will need a surprisingly fast brain, no fear or excitement and maneuvering skills beyond our reach. Such an event a guru can do. See again, this is like a miracle to us, but does not necessarily need the laws of physics to be broken. He can influence your thoughts, read your mind, heal a body and subside your pain. These are miracles! A miracle not necessarily be impossible, it can just be improbable. So next time  please ask a defendable question, cause there is always a difendable answer! :)

Truly
Abinash

Of Spirituality, Of Sex, Of Youth

Spirituality and I have a long standing relationship. My parents became disciples of a spiritual Guru and I got to know the difference between Guru divas (celebrated in schools back then) and Guru Purnima (celebrated in the ashram) as early as a 6 year old. I soon knew how spirituality is different from religion. And how it was similar. I saw books from Kundalini Yoga to Bhagavatam and loved turning the pages to see the pictures. When I was growing up to become 10, spirituality meant, absence of my parents for few hours and me wandering longing for my mother, sometimes with tearful eyes. I hated the Aashram for this. I have come a long way since then! I have now come in terms with spirituality. What is spirituality? Is it wearing saffron or white, be bald or have long hair and use abstract words as answer? Is it in practicing yoga and singing Bhajans? Or it is simply being a man whom a million follow? Or is it all of the above? Hard to say. But I have a say! It is about still smiling when some one "alleges" you for all of the above. It is about coming in terms with yourself. Being able to love and forgive people, being able to feel good when you buy a new camera and feeling even better when a friend asks for it and you gift it to him with heart. Its the ability to carry many opinions yet believing in one. Its the ability to judge not to judge anyone. Its your presence that makes the difference. Its about loving the whole essence of life and appreciating the fact that you are mortal. This fact of being mortal makes the whole life so precious and worthwhile! Its the ability to carry that happiness in being part of a crowd to remain seclude. It may have different essence in different sects, some say its about Kundalini awakening, its about being a Siddha and its about being the "one" with knowledge and enlightenment  I don't know. For me, from where I stand now its about being aware, everything will pass. the sad parts, the happier ones, just everything. Still being able to remain excited and happy just because you part of it once, you are of it now and you will be again!

Sex as a word makes ripples of current run through your spine as it does as an act. Its one of the best gifts nature has given to human. To love and to lust out of love. Every human act is closely associated with one thing, ego. Ego is the driving force of life. And sex is a man's alter ego. Its spells how you are. A philosopher knows everything in the world are fallacies. But lust of the beloved is a purest form of emotion like true prayer. Its unfiltered, unrestricted, soulfully desired and magnificently ecstatic. I have always been fascinated by it. Desiring to enact myself as the best lover the world has ever seen. Every one does. Often I get obsessed with it too. Not anymore. sex is life in compact. You start excited, you want it to never end, but only the end makes it worth it. And you forget how much you enjoy when you do it. Sex like life is a set of memory. A hundred small things make a complete act of passion. And you try to cling to each of them but you can not as a rule cause you have to rush for the end. That is the goal. And to enjoy it fully you must spend just enough amount of time doing it that your body naturally drives itself to. Otherwise soon its monotonous and you lose the whole purpose of it. Same, analogous to life. Let the mind drive itself. Don't drag it. Don't push it hard. Just remember you have to enjoy each moment of if but its enjoyable cause it has an end, a climax and that keeps you driving. In life you die and in sex you orgasm. Enjoy it, making love to your beloved is not a shameful act live living your life is never one too. The man who says so is the man who never lives. Sex is sin just in dead man's dictionary.

               My beloved's embrace is the heaven for me, I find solace only there
              From ruins I rise too, with the sense of my beloved's desire
              my enemies, the world how would they know, I am a man in love, my soul has caught fire.

Youth is all about power. These are the years you become what you remain for rest of your life. These are the years you build the character you are going to bring up your child with, Love your wife with and support your world with. But like the second law of thermodynamics says the force of entropy will always tend to make you more chaotic! Driving you to love everything, you should not. Today we don't feel "cool" about so many things. Spirituality and sex both are a taboo for us. We avoid  talking about them! We feel ashamed to in being part of a spiritual group and we feel embarrassed to address the strongest force and energy of being youth, the sex urge! We avoid, ignore if nothing works we brazen out. I have done the same so many times. Why? Cause spirituality, like sexuality is very personal. We are insecure sharing it with just anyone! But we are not aware of it. We find it uncool. We feel spirituality will make us look old and sexuality will ruin the "false" images we see of ourselves in others eyes. Its cool to be spiritual! I mean you wear that wayfarer glasses yet able to do Kriya Yoga flawlessly, that's like awesome! You do the kriya yoga, yet can talk about sexuality, its conduct, use, misuse in length before an audience of thousand, that is kick ass. Cause as Indian youth we inherit both! They make the foundation of what we are as a society. We just as youth have successfully managed to misunderstand both. So lets be cool and stop being fool! lets be young while we are young!

Truly
Abinash

Weight loss and Fitness guide for IT professionals

First thing first, IT professionals don't have time and even if they have, they are lazy, I mean mostly.
Whom this guide is for -

• You feel exhausted climbing 3 floors, or feel disgusted if the lift is not working even when you stay on the 2nd floor.
• You struggle hard to pick a pair of jeans that looks fit. You avoid sports t-shirts and of course sports too! 
• You saw your graduation picture or a year old photo in Facebook and thought, dude I "was" smart.

What this guide will help you with-

• Get started being smart soon enough, trust me its real fast!
• Choose a pair of jeans faster and wear those Nike t-shirts and think of being on the ground playing rather than seeing.
• Needless to mention, to build stamina, look brighter, weigh lighter and feel fit.

How the body works -

Lets start with a brief understanding of how body works-

• The body has evolved to keep you fit for survival, make your muscles work and keep you going to cope with fight and flight situations. 
• Our body is not trained enough to burn fat all by itself if we keep using elevators, automobiles. Eat junk food, think negative and keep lying on those cushions. Why? Cause the genes we inherit, have code from time that has got training for physical work, mental fitness, correct food and a scheduled lifestyle. 
• Body has an awesome feature called metabolism, and muscle repair. Keep the metabolism rate high and tear muscles with physical work. And see the results.

The Diet Part and Plan -

• Eat frequently, not necessarily every two our, it can be 1.5 hours to 2.5 hours duration.
• Eat as soon as you brush, eat a fruit, drink some water. What ever but eat. 
• Never skip breakfast, have a wholesome breakfast and drink water up to 0.5 liter in the morning.
• Don't give up eating what you like, like sweets, parathas or ice cream, but eat them in moderation.
• Prefer whole fruit over juices, if drinking juice do NOT add sugar to it. (Fruits already contain enough sugar)
• Take some milk after gyming / working out and a banana or a small piece of chocolate. (Body glucose is used while working out and hence the body starts craving for sugar, to mitigate this a small supply of it soon after gym will do the trick)
• Eat Egg whites ONLY (not the yolk)
• Prefer Grill or Tandoori chicken over deep fried one.
• Eat red meat (e.g. mutton) only occasionally and only consume the meaty / flesh parts avoiding the fatty portions. (The layer that covers the meat is made up of fat, it feels tender, rubbery and sticky to hand. Remove that and eat the meat.)
• Don't eat big suppers. Eat modestly in night and at least 2 hours before sleep. 
• Most importantly always feel good, positive, happy, thankful and confident. (Trust me this catalyzes the process exponentially)

Sample diet of a day (non veg) : - (assuming you wake up at 9 and reach office at 10:30)
This is a sample diet for a day, this can be mixed and matched with similar items for other days.

Time	Food	Why?
with in 30 mins of waking up	0.5 liters of water, An apple	Water will hydrate the body, help in cleansing, and apple will keep the sugar demand in check and give something to the body to start with.
Around - 10:30	Idly + egg whites OR poha / upma + egg white etc.	Egg white provides protein, albumin and helps in burning fat. Idly will give carbs and energy for the day.
12:30	Grilled chicken / chicken curry, 2 chapatis, A full cup daal and some veggies.	Chicken and daal will give protein and veggies gives vitamins.
3:30	peanuts + curd / a sandwich +  a fruit	To keep the enegy up and metabolism going
5:50	A plate of fruit cut / a oil less roll / pongal / a small piece of cake / 2 paratha	gives energy, keeps metabolism going and does not make you feel hungry
Dinner	2/3 chapati + daal + sabji	If you work out in evening, should take milk immediately after working out.

Work outs -
Do not intend to be a body builder. It does not help neither it lasts.
Instead build stamina, muscle strength and toned body.
Stamina building: - 
Stamina is about VO2, stretching your self for prolonged period and getting back the energy level fast.
Run run and run. Play play play. Out door sports are amazing stamina builder. Should be able to run 5k in say 30 mins in 2-3 months of starting your fitness regime.
Start with slower speed and longer duration. Do variations and elevations.
Cycling in gym is not of much help but on road its amazing.
Muscle strength:
Resistance exercise, one or two body parts a day, start with lighter weights and higher repetitions.  Do as per your body permits and time you have. Do not punish your body neither push it too hard.
Toned looks:
Toned looks come once you have strong muscles with above exercise and have burnt enough fat to have
~ 8-10% body fat composition. Fat is essential for body and you should consume good fats like home made ghee, peanuts etc. Its saturated fat that creates problem.

Good diet is say 70% of your solution and work out is 30%. (personal experience).
So don't excuse saying release chal raha hai time nahin hai yaar!
Remember the key is to feel good, positive, happy and confident. Rest is automatic!

P.S. All these are from my personal experience and experiments. Few may sound contrary to usual notion and few might feel like cliche but be assured it worked for me. It may differ from person to person. So understand your body and feel it's needs. Soon you will see you know what it takes, automatically!

Truly
Abinash

The Day Cricket Retired! - A note on Sachin

I was too young to understand the rules. I was too young to be interested in a game played by grown up, matured men. But every body else at home would switch on the TV and spend hours watching 22 men running, jumping, hitting a ball on a packed stadium, in a game of cricket. I grew up watching the same, I grew up watching "Sachin". It was always an unseen euphoria, when ever that "big" to me, tiny to others padded up guy walked out of the dressing room holding that bat onto the field. And the next few ours were pure bliss. I slowly started understanding the rules, admiring the shorts and infallibly became a fan, admirer and follower of Sachin. There was something about him beyond cricket, his presence on field was always mesmerizing and no matter how worse the state the game was in, his presence was always reassuring. Never felt the same for any other cricketer. Ever! For me soon, cricket and Sachin became synonymous. I can't image one with out the other. I can't imagine a day when he would not be playing and I am watching the game. His charm, charisma and talent were addictive! Equally. When ever he used to bat down the order, I used pray for the bats man to get out, so I can watch sachin playing. I do not know what sachin means to Indian cricket, but for me Indian cricket means Sachin.
           I skipped classes, exam preparation and dinner invites to see him play. Each time he drives that white ball beyond that extra cover, leaving a six shadowed man chasing it under that flood light uselessly, I would smile. Involuntarily! And like an action replay, he wold repeat it, nonetheless. He would make the greatest and more fearsome bowlers the world has to offer look silly. Loved by all, admired by each, respected by everyone, probably he is the only Baadshah who never had an enemy, yet concurred every single man.

           Today Sachin retired. For me it meant either cricket as a game ended in the world or the world does not exist anymore for it to be played. But he retired. A man of his character, determination, charm and talent may not ever will be playing the game again. His absence will create an un-fillable void in the cricket lovers. Cricket now will be like a Rasagolla, that dried, it might still taste sweet, look white but can never be a Rasogolla again. With Sachin, I announced my retirement as an ODI viewer, and will never watch a game of ODI again. For me the the Rasgulla is not only dry but it cant taste sweet anymore. I am lucky to have grown up watching this maestro and his humble character.
            Probably he is the only man in cricket whom even Rajnikath can't dare to bowl to. I am proud, I grew up watching cricket, I grew up watching Sachin!

P.S. I hate Dhoni! My friend Shantanu made me realize, I should not hate Dhoni.

Truly
Abinash

An immortal woman

She has been a working woman. Working ever since I know her, day in day out. And she is happy. She hides her sorrow behind smiles, behind the warmth she springs. Complains she never had, demands she never made. Ready to compromise her comfort, willing to work that extra hour. Still she carried that sparkle in her eyes, inspiring all the time. She has been working this way since she was a child. Happiness for her wore a different definition. Meeting others expectations, giving her best on the behest of her own judgment. A moment here and there in my memory lane I could see her crying, a few drops of tears would roll down her face but she has always been prompt to wipe them out leaving no marks. Still she would not complain. She would work. Work like a machine, the best machine. Days fly. Signs of aging shows up, unfazed she was never worried for aging. For her beauty wore a different definition, the smiling faces around her, the joyous yells and charismatic disposition. And she is ever beautiful. Her mornings have always preceded that of Sun's. And night late. She would pick her nagging child up in her arm yet  deliver flawless precision with one hand. No complains. A story teller, a creative director of unseen imagery, a guide, a benevolent human and above all  a teacher. Her embrace always meant comfort. A truest friend in lowest of time, a cheer leader in the happy ones. She has always been there. Always. I have only one image of hers. As if she froze in my memory, and no matter how far back in time I see, I see her that way. Working, smiling, inspiring! She never aged beyond that, like the universe she has been been this way ever. A thousand complains she would listen to and solve each of them, asking in return just smile not even care, attention or affection. She makes food taste better, clothes smell sweeter. Her presence made the house, a home. Time has taken a toll on her body, a wrinkle here and there, hair grayed and eyes can't read with out specs. But that's about the body and she is beyond that. For her time has only strengthened her determination, ability to inspire and affection for everyone. Even now as the time strikes at her, making body weak, legs tremble, she stands undeterred. Firmer than ever, refueled with energy, there to guide, teach and inspire. She is an ever working woman, she is a mother. She is my mother. We call her "Maa".

"A mother is the best pain killer ever created by Dr. God"

Truly
Abinash

Saaraansh

Zindagi ki bheed main aise na khojao
ki parchayi to hai par tum na nazar aao

kuch yaadein lekar tum chale jaoge
kuch yaadein yuhin piche chor jaoge

beeta kal na palat ke wapas ayega
na ye aaj kabhi khud ko dohrayega

zindagi ke kore panno pe shyahee kyun chidakna
wo safed panna bhi ek din yaadon main gujar jayega

yaadon ki kashti main sawar palon ko samet te chalo
kyun ki pattjhad ke baad vasant fir ayega

cheezon ko jakad ke kyun bhaari karte ho bojh
inko peeche chor ke dekho zindagi ka matlab samajh main ayega

Intezaar hai kiska, hai udashi kis baatki
kuch pal beet gaye hain, aur kuch bas lamhein hai baaki

tum bhi gujar jaoge, ye pal bhi beet jayega
aaj tum jahan khadeho, wahan koi aur khel dikhane ayega

is manzar ko samjho, yehi hai saaransh iska
ek pal main tum ho, ek pal main ye khel khatam ho jayega!

- Truly
Abinash

The thing

Prologue: I was smiling, and the laptop played the song.. "Teri keh ke lungaa.." from GoW at its highest volume. Holding a weapon in hand Looking at the burnt remnants, I was smiling.

(30 minutes earlier)
It was not a bad evening at all. The cold breeze and the aroma of flowers were enticing.  "Khoya khoya chaand.." playing in the background would change its pitch with the flow of wind. I was engulfed by the whole moment. like a pinch of salt dissolved in its solvent of water. The music stopped playing and unaware I was in dream. A dream where the music was still playing and my warm breath would resonate with the breeze. The couch never felt any better! Body gave in to its own weight and I was soon in sleep. No sooner I slowly opened my eyes in a slow motion, frowning involuntarily. The music had stopped playing even in my head, I realized. It wasn't the music.. but it was a sound noise I was well aware. "guuuuuuunnnnnnn,,....." and it would die away. I would close my eyes and it was back again.. "guuuunnnnnnnnnnn". Like the music makes you sleep, this one wakes you up. With equal force! Lying on the couch I could see that damn thing moving over my head, in a swift maneuver it would go past my ear taking a sharp turn back over my face. I was helpless. Trying in vain to rescue myself. Struggling with immense frustration, drowsy eyes and a sense of self pity taking over my reasoning. But then not too far.. not real too far... with in my hand's reach I had the weapon of mass destruction! My reasoning took over pity, frustration turned int anger and I grabbed it. The weapon in hand I laid unfazed, determined and my brain went into calculations. It was a sight that thing was coming in with brutal force at me and the noise getting stronger with every passing fraction of the moment. I wanted to make the sight into a scene, a deadly scene. It came close enough and the weapon struck it. I smiled but it faded away as the thing was over my head. Again. It had survived the attack. I failed! All those motivating quotes ran through my mind and I gathered myself up. With an hurt ego, sense of defeat, determination of vengeance I fixed my eyes on it. And there it was in the reach of my long arms (I realized not kanoon only who has long arms), In an matrix style scene it was tried to defy my strike. but this time the moment belonged to me. The mosquito was dead, burning in its electrocuted pier. The weapon of mass destruction had proven itself yet again. The zapper, mosquito killing badminton rocks! Teri kehke leli.

Ek savere ke talaash main

Insano ki ya Insaniyat ki talaash main

aaj nikal pada hun wapas ek savere ki talash main

Khamosiyon main cheekhein gunjti hai ab

Insaniyat ko kahan dhundun, zinda main ya laash main

kisse puchun, kaun bataaye

kaise laun andhere se prakaash main?

Shab ki laalima odhe uss raat main jo khogaye

kahaan dhundu wo chehre, kamjori ya kamjoron main?

Sayad insano ki talaash main
aaj nikal pada hun wapas ek savere ki talaash main.

Truly
Abinash

Is there a thing called a stable marriage and relation ?? - Part 1

Disclaimer: This is more of a mathematical and logical analysis of marriage. This is for rational audience who can enjoy a piece of logic with out any involvement of emotion. Or rather some logical analysis of how relations, trust etc involuntarily get biased by numbers and probability. Normal (non engneer, non scientific-mathematical audience might find it a boring read. But even others might find it as boring! :D )
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Assumptions:

1.  All men and woman are straight
2. all men and woman appear in the "desired" list of each other with some weight. e.g. Some men may be 99% desirable for woman X and some may be just 0.001% for X and vice versa. But every one appears on the desirable list of each other.
3. We have not taken into account the possibility of preference change after they are coupled. (this will over complicate the situation :P) (this will be covered in part 2 of this research.)

Definition:

An unstable marriage: When given a married pair, X-a and Y-b, if man X prefers another woman 'b' more than his current wife 'a' and woman b prefers X more than her current man Y, then X-b is called a unstable pair. 

Any pair (X-Y) when not an element of the "unstable" set is said to be a stable pair.
Lets see:
Assume we have a sample set of 26 males marked as A,B,C,D....Z and a sample of 26 females marked as a,b,c,d....z.
Ask each of the man and woman to form a list desired partner in the order of precedence.
For example the list may look something like this:
Male                                             Female
-----                                             --------
A: b,s,d,c....                                 a: C,D,B,Z....
B: b,a,c,t....                                  b: A,P,C,W...
C:a,b,c,r....                                  c: B,D,S,T....   
(This just an example combination shown here)

Now our job is to find how many "stable pair" can be formed which can result in a happy and trustworthy marriage. One of such approach as it would occur to mind first is to  go on forming pairs based on the preference list. Call a pair when a mutual inclusion of male,female exist in their preference list high on precedence. And swap it when encounter a yet higher mutual precedence. Example: Initially (B-c) will be paired but later their partners can be swapped and they may form a more stable pair like (C-a) and (B-c)
This seems working here but it may lead to re-swap and hence form an infinite loop on a bigger data set.
So lets first solve the problem at hand to form stable couples set:
pick an unpaired male X and the list female x on his list(first preference)
remove x from his list and check if x is already paired
if already paired then check if X appeared on a higher precedence then x's current partner in her list (if x is unpaired then pair up X-x for now)
          if yes then pair up x with X and continue with the next male.
else if X does not appear on a higher precedence on x's list as compared to her current partner then pick next female on X's preference list.
Now so far so good! We feel we can actually form a stable marriage and stay happy(works for an arranged marriage). But in a real world we don't run such an exercise while considering to get married. So I tried to just have some data around it and apply for game theory to see what might be the trend look like if we consider married people or people newly in love and assign a weight to their trust and relation how would it look like. I asked a few people to answer a few questions:
1. What their dream partner attributes look like
2. How often they end up admiring some one from opposite gender cause he/she matched with some of the attributes they admire are present in them?
3. How many such people are around them in acquaintance circle who can match their criteria?
4. What is the attribute precedence list look like for them?
and few other question which were little private and optional for them to answer like their sexual behavior and compromising point of "more-moral-ego-based-attribute" to a "more-materialistic-based-attribute" Like a happy charming fellow's charm compromised to someone else's salary etc.

One I had the answers to these questions. My job was to do a little research to find out from their Facebook behavior what they tend to like + how many guys at least I think match their criteria. And once let us say paired, what are the emotional, geographical exposure they will have to the other potential matches we had found earlier. All these taken into consideration with the futuristic projection of the change in the "desired attributes" in the partner and other potential candidates makes a recipe for stable and trustworthy relation! Lets take an example first of Male A and female 'c':

Male A say is paired with female 'c'. Male A's criteria looked like
- Good looks, decently educated, fair skinned, lovable, belonging to a reputed family background, easy going, working
- With these criteria he got married to female 'c'.  Attributes female c had in reality - good looks, fair skin, a well earning day job, higher educated, independent mind and lifestyle, easy going.
- 'c' had criteria of a match as - presentable, tall, secure job, good sense of humor, dependable background with handsome earnings, extrovert.
Attributes male A had in reality - Good looks, tall, handsome earning, not that dependable background, extrovert with a big friend circle, high educated, secure but frequently travelling job.
Female 'c' has exposure to matching criteria males in job, from past friends, in society she lives.
Male A has exposure to matching criteria females in cities he travels to, from past friends, in society he lives, in parties etc (as he is extrovert and has a huge friend group).

Let us say these criteria changed in both partner's after few years the female stopped working or male lost job, male/female or both deteriorated in looks, easy going became tough given social complexities.

In such a situation the probability of choosing another partner becomes prominent. Lets see how prominent by applying some game theory to it. And lets see should one break the trust in a situation like above?

N.B. (I will post a follow up on this today. Either will update the same blog or post a new one on top of this. As its growing big, am breaking it into two. :) till then keep wondering and let me know your guess to the above question in the comments.

Truly
Abinash

Why me?

"Why this has to happen at all.." he sniffed. "I have been a loving father, a caring husband and a hardworking man. Then why me? So many people in the world overlook their fundamental family and social responsibilities. So many people breach rules, behave violently posing a threat to others comfort and life!" he said in a rather drab voice.
It calls for a serious probe as to why by any chance a sane and "moral" man has to suffer when there are more (suffering) deserving people living out there happy and healthy lives? Deep within I could relate to it. The feeling I mean! It did not take me long to realize its not the pain of the suffering alone. Its more about self condemnation. When ever we see a man suffering the first thought that strikes involuntarily is the sense of relief , of course we feel compassion, a strong desire to help etc. but these more 'moral' feelings follow because we are relieved that we are not in that situation! Its built into our genes, coded into the very nature of intelligent life. And when we fall prey to one such disease or trauma our sense of relief  goes through turmoil and we find it hard to accept, how come we could be hit when we sailed un-hit so many other times?
By the law of religion: 
If we see what answer religion may have to offer or why we feel more pain, fascinates me!
Religion (all of them) teaches us to be moral, self controller, compassionate and charitable. It says the bad must suffer, the sinful must burn in hell and the selfish must bear the pain. And living by this code we every moment struggle to self-justify that we are righteous, selfless and helpful. This eternal struggle is but a friction to the very nature of our gene. Our genes are coded to be most selfish for survival. They affect out thoughts and behavior. We give up being ration and try to be a religious man not cause we know we should be more cause we are afraid of being the victim. And when we are the victim our trauma magnifies by many folds. To console, religion did an amendment with multiple birth theory and karma being calculated and carried over to next births etc. But that hardly explains why some one has to suffer while other get away with ill doing.
Law of Nature:
There are laws of nature which are universally the same for every one. does not discern people over money, sex, religion, dead, living or anything. If you exist in this universe the laws apply on you! Its a random choice. A random selection that one encounters a fortune or a misfortune. For example 10 people went for a hike, 9 survived but just one toppled over the peak to a fatal fall. Now what caused him fall? Gravity! and gravity was working on each individual out there on the top. But why only one has too fall? Its a random event if we look just by the law of nature.
              But if you take a bottom up approach and connect the dots we may figure out a reasoning why he had to fall and why he had a bigger chance of falling then others. The choices we make at any moment they affect the yield of the next moment. There ain't anything called completely random. Things are biased in a smaller sample, adding to a bigger pattern and each bigger pattern summing up to form another. However these patterns as of today can only be understood looking back, once the events have already occurred. So for us the why me part of the problem does not really going to help. If we think rationally we already knew why me.
Game theory explains:
Let us assume all beings in the universe are rational. Life is a variety of game. Where we make choices to maximize pay-offs. Pay offs like a better lifestyle, success, happiness, relations, social status etc. We deal with fellow competitors(humans). Now if we look at it we can find we spend maximum energy calculating and comparing the relative pay off. Comparison we make with other competitors. This nature tempts us to bias our decisions and hence we choose non optimized strategies just to land on a much less pay off than what we should have got. But over all prize in the whole game is constant so when some one looses because of a choice some one else must with on that move. And that's how exactly it all works.  So the best way to play life would be to device a strategy which is indifferent of other loss or gain and we always choose to maximize our own pay offs and make honest decision. This will improve the over all game condition.


Why me?
You cause you are a 'random' choice of the laws of nature
You cause your decision biased nature's random choice making your selection slightly more probabilistic
You cause religion does not really help neither being religious in defying nature's laws

Truly
Abinash

Anjaan

Tanha mushafir ki tarah chalna gavaraa nahin
khaamosi main jo gunjtaa hai wo dil hai mera, koi aawara nahin
kabhi to pehchaan le in nazron ko e-zaaaleem
main bheed main shameel ek chehra anjaanaa nahin.

Truly
Abinash

How

how some one's smile can bring me tear?
some one's happiness, piercing the heart like a spear.

How it really feels to see the cause of your sorrow
may bring smile to some one tomorrow.

What I flinged as nothing,
it was but some one's everything!

And thats how some one's smile can bring me tear
and you never really understand, cause you were never there!

Consciousness as I perceive it

As a kid I was always fascinated by almost everything I saw. I wanted many of them. After a long day when I go to bed I used to dream, dream of  thoughts coming form real experiences from day mixed with the imaginations I could possibly make. It was always reality till I wake up to the reality in the morning in a confused mind. It comes over like a infinite loop of thoughts.
                                Consciousness is one of the most fascinating and abstruse topics out there. Am I not conscious when I am deep in sleep dreaming? Or am I not conscious when I am so focused that am not able to hear the loud music playing next to me? Consciousness has been described by philosophers and lately by scientists to be a mental state of awareness of the surrounding, the connection our brain has with the information it has at that given moment and the perception it generates from it. Correct they are, may be. Religion has a different take, they relate it to the hidden power every human has in their body, when a human body becomes aware of this power and the power hence rises to the highest position a man becomes conscious universally, and he is the one called the conscious man.
                                Consciousness as neurologists describe it is a process of action and transmission mechanism by the billions of neuron in the brain achieved through synapses. I agree. But the neurons in our brain are connected with 6 senses and generates a set of information from it. Taking the brain from one state to another every fraction of second. The eyes, ears, touch, smell, taste and sense of feeling (cold, heat, fear, instinct etc). These senses gives data to the brain and brain generates information from it for us to have a unique perception varying by the state of brain we are in while we do the processing. The perception not necessarily be in the realm of reality it can actually be an illusion. Let us say I am confined in a room and the room walls are transparent enough that I might not be ever able to perceive the wall until I crash into it. But given that the room is sufficiently large, I would rather not crash into it. Nor I will even try to cause I am unaware of it in my present consciousness. The world might be a same case. We are bound by the play of Maaya. Never aware that we are confined in it. Never trying to cross pass it and enlarge our awareness into the reality beyond the walls. There is a connection between every element in the universe. They all came to being from nothingness. And are made up from the very same fundamental particles. Every object in the universe is a metamorphosis of the very fabric of the space time in the universe. So how can there is not a connection? This when we take a billion light years top view will be nothing but a network similar to what we have in our brains! A network of all the objects in the universe but each hidden from other with in a realm of virtuality as explained in the confined room example above. Only the objects beyond their respective walls are connected in this supreme and infinite network of information and aware of every thing in the universe. The present state, the past it was in and the future it might ever be in. The play of Maaya is then broken and these objects become conscious. the closest we can ever be to beat this play of Maaya is in a human.
                                            Physics has laid down laws saying information is never lost in the universe. The other laws of physics as it says neither the energy is ever lost, its just transformed from one state to other. But once this conversation complete where is the information of the past state? Where is the information what happened during the transformation? This is not lost cause the whole system is connected like neural network and its stored in the universal consciousness. We can always be aware of such a thing and retract mathematically to see the possibility of the earlier state. The surety can only come when we are connected to the infinite universal consciousness. Once connected we would never need history to be written ever! One day when we live long enough we might have mathematical proof for the presence of this boundary, the Maaya. and may be that day we will take our stride to live beyond the wall. But for me we all are but living in an illusion in a realm too small, in a confined cell.

P.S. A more technically detailed article(analogy with fractals, evolution of the universe and the significance of black holes with information theory and how it effects the entropy of the universe) I have written but for readers convenient have not posted that. Interested reads can leave a comment and I would share it with them.

Truly
Abinash